Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
Oh, get your minds out of the gutter. I mean the vasopressin receptor gene, of course. According to some recent research, the longer this gene is in a man’s brain, the more faithful he’ll be. I read about this in yesterday’s New York Post feature comparing the female brain to the male brain.
Several studies, including one at Johns Hopkins, have found that the length of the vasopressin receptor gene, a brain hormone, corresponds to monogamy. The first study was conducted on a prairie vole, which is one of 5% of mammals who are monogamous. A closely related “cousin” called the montane vole is more of a polygamist. Scientists found that the montane vole had a short vasopressin gene while the prairie vole had a longer one. When the scientists injected the trampy montane with a longer gene, he suddenly became a one-woman vole. Scientists have extended the study to human males, finding that the longer the gene (there are 17 known lengths), the more likely a man is to be married or in a monogamous relationship; the shorter, the more likely he is to be a bachelor.
I tried to research how, exactly, this gene is measured. Is there an electrode that can be inserted in the ear or nose? Is invasive surgery necessary? Who wouldn’t voluntarily undergo a little slicey-dicey if it could prevent a lifetime of agony? Any scientists out there? I think this may be the next big unexplored frontier in the field of pre-nuptial contract law.
Come to think of it, wouldn’t this be cause for aggrieved alimony-payers to get their settlements dismissed? “I had no choice! It was my vasopressin gene. In fact, I’m the real victim here.”
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Comments:
Jun '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
So, size does matter.
May '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
Sadly, usually they are talking about injecting the gene into germ cells pre-fertilization, so that the germ lines of those cells all reproduce with that gene. Otherwise, for us already viable animals, you need to find out what protein(s) it is that cause the response and keep feeding the protein cocktail to us to overcome for whatever the short vasopressin codes.
But that's OK- for some of the married playboys out there, you can mitigate the behavior by loading their wives up with testosterone. The rest of the hopeless males, you have to just get rid of. They can't be married.
May '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
It's an interesting question as to which gene would be better favored through natural selection: the long-gened, well-fathered males, or the short-gened papa-was-a-rolling-stone types.
Jun '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
Wilt Chamberlain's and short jeans, who would've thunk it? Maybe the problem was in his cut-offs all along?
May '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
Ursula - You know as well as I do that the short game is where you make your money in golf.
However, a rat is not a pig is not a dog is not a boy.
Monogamy in humans is too complicated. It is part choice, part opportunity and part upbringing. And when you're like me, homely, poor and blessed with beautiful wife, incredibly easy.
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
It sounds like we have a lot in common, EJHill.
May '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
In other words, ladies, serve your husbands a regular diet of T-bone steaks and they will remain faithful.
May '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
To quote the great Rob Long, "Is that some sort of a euphemism?"
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
I guess you guys don't really want to discuss it, but I'm wondering about an actual procedure for measurement. (Although Duane seems to be suggesting that this is not possible.) I mean, can we wives (or prospective wives) just cut open your forehead and jam a ruler in there? Stick a wire with an embedded camera up your nose while you are sleeping? Whaddawe got to protect ourselves? What are our options? (Please, gentlemen, understand I'm writing this in good fun ... don't get your boxers in a bunch. Yet.)
May '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
Ursula, as a woman, you need to explain this to us men. What makes a woman seduce the husband of another woman and then believe that he will remain faithful to her?
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
Oh geez, EJ. Now you are asking me to speak for my gender. And, as someone who choose some monumentally inappropriate mates prior to being set up with my dear husband, I certainly have *no* good reasons for the dopey choices of women. I made some doozies of my own with no good explanation as to why. I guess I thought this post would be interesting in terms of guys thinking, "Well, it's not me, it's my vasopressin." What if there was a similar study that said something like the circumference of a woman's wrist determines their likelihood of turning into a whining nag in less than 5 years, or something. It sort of frees us up from having to try and suppress our inner nag. Like, "Sorry, honey, you knew I had a thick wrist when you married me, so move along now and tidy up the basement." I don't know, guys, I'm just trying to have fun here. I'm riffin' ...
May '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
Ursula, some genes result in physical differences in brain formation which can be detected by MRI scans.
People with Asperger Syndrome tend to be extremely rigid, even obsessive, about truth and honesty. That might stem partly from their inability to recognize lies and sarcasm via non-lexical language, but it seems to result more from abnormally strong separation between intellect and emotions (perhaps more accurately described as an odd relationship between them). This separation can be detected by observing brain structure and neural pathways.
Theoretically, it might indeed be possible to detect a neural formation somehow involved in fidelity.
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
Since the entire human genome has been mapped out and the exact location of this vassopressin receptor gene is known, it would be as easy as taking a blood sample to find the length. Its interesting that vassopressin would even play a part in mammal monogamy when its main function is water retention in cells.
May '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
Actually, I misread your question, I went all the way to treatment and prevention of the male behavior, rather than just measurement as a kind of pre-marital test. I would imagine they could measure the hormone with a spinal tap, if not a blood sample (I don't know whether vasopressin crosses the blood-brain barrier or not).
So there we have it! Spinal tap on request of the female as a precondition of granting the marriage license....
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
Thanks, Duane. Oh, and just for you, I'll share this fun fact: The prairie vole is only found in Fly Over Country *not* on the elite coasts.
May '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
A biological engineer once explained to me that most genes serve more than one function (as you suggested). Thus, geneticists are always gambling when they turn one on or off, because they can't be certain what else that gene is related to. It's like flipping a circuit breaker without knowing everywhere the wires lead.
I could have told you that by looking at the picture. He's nibbling on a toothpick.
Jun '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
Yeah, it's called alimony.
Jul '10
Re: Tiger Woods Must Have a Short One
All I can say is that my vasopressin receptor gene must be huge!