Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
In 1997, Glamour columnist Pamela Redmond Satran put together a list of “30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.” The list was so widely e-mailed and circulated among women that it turned into a pop phenomenon:
Forwarded thousands of times from woman to woman and misattributed to Maya Angelou, Jesse Jackson, Hillary Clinton, and countless others, The List became a phenomenon. “I am awed by not just how many women but how many different kinds of women it’s touched,” says Satran. The List has been taught in classrooms and stitched onto quilts, painted on walls, and (seriously!) used as a character’s dying words in a BBC radio play. All because it turns the slippery, scary question of how to be a happy grown-up into essentials every one of us can check off.
Recognizing the appeal of such a list, Glamour has released a book this month called 30 Things. There are dozens of lists in the book, but here is the one that the book takes its name from:
By 30, you should have:
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.By 30, you should know:
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about having kids.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend with-out ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8. Where to go—be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat—when your soul needs soothing.
9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30!
I really like this list and the sentiment behind it. It's all about the process of maturation--moving from youth to adulthood.
Some of the markers of adulthood on the list may be silly (like having "Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it") or even corny ("The belief that you deserve it"), but most of them seem true and wise (You should know "Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally" and "How to fall in love without losing yourself"). Basically, the list is about being an independent and responsible adult. Do you have your own bank account? Are you saving money? Can you operate a drill? Are you independent enough to live alone? Have you accomplished your career goals? By the time you're thirty, you should be a full-fledged adult who can answer yes to these questions.
Another thing I like about the list is that it runs against grain. One thing you hear a lot these days is "30 is the new 20" (or some variation of that). In his song "30 Something," Jay-Z explicitly raps, "30’s the new 20." And magazines like Cosmopolitan are always running pieces about how 40 is the new 20 or 50 is the new 30, etc. Then there are movies like Bridesmaids, The Five Year Engagement, American Reunion, and TV shows like HBO's Girls, which glamorize arrested development and depict how people are delaying adulthood more and more. In the real world, we have the Occupy Wall Street movement, whose activists are essentially demanding to be the children--dependents--of the state.
The main currents of our pop culture celebrate youth, arrested development, and immaturity. But the list is plainspoken about the reality of adulthood and what you should be doing to achieve it. 30 Things doesn't depict adulthood as a shackling and depressing experience like the rest of the pop culture does. It celebrates adulthood--and so should we.
- Comment (21)
- · Quote
- · UnfollowFollow (1)
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
Comments:
Jun '10
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
Three thoughts (these are from a male and may therefore be clueless).
A youth you’re content to move beyond. Very wise, but I would change it to "A youth you've moved beyond."
By 30, you should know:
2. How you feel about having kids. Yes, you should know by thirty, but I think you should know the answer to that question by sometime in your early twenties.
I would add one: How you feel about God and religion in your life. The answer may be that it doesn't matter--but everyone ought to think (or pray) about it.
In do agree with one of the underlying themes: that if you're not a fully-functioning adult by 30 you've got some serious work to do.
Edited on April 26, 2012 at 7:36pmRe: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
I have four years to acquire an umbrella, a cordless drill, a black lace bra, a suit, and a start on a retirement fund. I also need to find out the name of one of my maternal great grandmothers.
May '10
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
John Durant had an interesting take on the list; that its purpose is " to comfort single women who are coming to grips with their sexual power slipping away."
He suggests that a male counterpart list would encourage men who have moved from a higher social status to a lower one to face their situation head on, and that Kipling's poem "If" fits the bill.
Plus, he throws in a comparison to Steve Martin's "The Jerk", which is always a win.
Dec '10
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
At 30, I was 8 years into my marriage. I say this not as a criticism of the list (although I think there are legitimate ones to make). I'm just observing how much society has changed in a relatively brief period of time. For many of us in the previous generation, marriage and family came first, with worries about acquiring a new piece of furniture and developing a resume somewhere down the list.
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
Yep, he's correct in acknowledging that it's a list for single 30-year old women, not all 30-year old women as it purports to be.
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
I think that most women today--outside of the feminist fringe--would also admit that marriage and family come first. But they would say that building a career (i.e. being on stable financial footing) is a prerequisite to having a family. I wouldn't disagree.
Sep '10
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
The image that this conjured up has left a blot in my mind that has rendered me incapable of telephone conversations.
Edited on April 26, 2012 at 10:36pmNov '10
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
"How to get a beer out of the fridge?" Why is that not on there?
May '10
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
You can afford to wait on everything in that list except one. Don't wait to start a retirement fund. My wife and I are trying to find an assisted living place for her folks who did not prepare. Trust me: You don't want to wind up in that situation. It is VERY unpleasant.
May '10
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
My only nit to pick with the list is with the final point, "Why they say life begins at 30!" I've been to 30 twice and then some. I can tell you that my wife is a far more wonderful, satisfying, and amazing person now than she was at 30. And she was great then.
I would venture to say that, for people with a positive outlook on life, every age has things that make it "best." But for sheer quality of life, it doesn't really start getting good until at least 40, maybe 50. And personally, there isn't a single age I'd return to. I look forward to tomorrow more than any day of the past.
Dec '10
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
Emily Esfahani Smith
I think that most women today--outside of the feminist fringe--would also admit that marriage and family come first. But they would say that building a career (i.e. being on stable financial footing) is a prerequisite to having a family. I wouldn't disagree.
Therefore, career comes first. I understand. Do you?
We've set our young people up with some pretty high expectations about what their material condition should be to get on with living a life. I hope they're not too disappointed if economic comeuppance prevents the prerequisites from being met.
My folks had three babies in a cinder block house my dad built on the back of his in-laws property after WWII. Mr. Chauvinist and I had our degrees, our careers started (and mine ended), and had had a house built before children. What will you need?
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
When I first saw this list, I could not take it seriously. The number one item that leads off all the rest of the advice is: "1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come." That's the first thing they think you should have. A past relationship that you regret. Must we have that? I mean, I know we all do. But is it required?
Feb '12
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
"Reminds you of how far you've come" doesn't necessarily mean you regret the relationship. e.g. I don't regret having several short-term boyfriends before I married. I recognize that while each was a good man, they were relationships doomed because of how young and immature I was. At almost 29, they do remind me of how far I've come.
Sep '10
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
Ah yes, a regimen for your skin, a routine for your body, but no belief that a soul exists beneath the surface.
Dec '11
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
I read the list and I can't stop my head from shaking. Are the readers of Glamour that vacuous? Do woman actually live in this "romance novel" haze? I actually thought women by 20 or 25 were better than this.
I guess it begs the question, if this is a good list what is a bad list?
Please be kind and patient since I have a Y chromosome. It happened at birth and I am dealing with it. :)
Edited on April 27, 2012 at 9:07pmDec '11
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
So husband's cant have your email password, and joint bank accounts are bad?
Edited on April 27, 2012 at 2:43pmMay '11
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
When I was thirty, my most pressing question was "what do I want to be when I grow up?". Thirty-two years later, I still don't know.
May '10
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
Western Chauvinist
Emily Esfahani Smith
I think that most women today--outside of the feminist fringe--would also admit that marriage and family come first. But they would say that building a career (i.e.being on stable financial footing) is aprerequisiteto having a family. I wouldn't disagree.
Therefore, career comes first. I understand. Doyou?
We've set our young people up with some pretty high expectations about what their material condition should be to get on with living a life. I hope they're not too disappointed if economic comeuppance prevents the prerequisites from being met.
I think a lot of this attitude is driven from the perspective that women are going to be married and then dumped. Thus, the women must have their own careers before committing to a man. Additionally, the idea of a man being the family's sole support is now considered backward and anti-feminist.
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
Guruforhire: So husband's cant have your email password, and joint bank accounts are bad? · 3 hours ago
Edited 3 hours ago
During pre-marital counseling, my pastor condemned separate bank accounts for spouses.
But again, this list seems to be solely for 30-year old single women, not married women.
Feb '12
Re: Three Cheers for Glamour’s “30 Things” of Adulthood List
FeliciaB
I think a lot of this attitude is driven from the perspective that women are going to be married and then dumped. Thus, the women must have their own careers before committing to a man. Additionally, the idea of a man being the family's sole support is now considered backward and anti-feminist. · 2 hours ago
It's not just about being prepared in case of divorce ... what happens when a woman has no marketable job skills and the husband has a car accident? Gets diagnosed with cancer? Loses a hand at work? I've seen all these scenarios play out, and I've seen that desperate struggle to make ends meet and the hasty remarriages that result. e.g.:
Even if she chooses not to work, every woman ought to have the skills to support herself.