Thoughts from Minnesota
Dave Carter ·
Mar 21, 2011 at 6:54pm
The truck's thermometer registers 36 degrees outside. The calendar says it is late March. The cheerful and excruciatingly polite waitress just reported that the forecast calls for snow tonight. “Any other good news?” I asked. “Hey,” she said, “it's Spring!” I'm in Sauk Centre, Minnesota experiencing what passes for a dispatcher's humor. Two days ago, I was in Laredo, Texas complaining about blast furnace weather conditions. They sure fixed my little wagon for that remark, sending me clear up to Lileksland. If the schedule had allowed more than three days to cover over 1,500 miles, I would have had time to visit with some of the august members of Ricochet who reside in these parts. As it was, I barely had time to drive, eat, and sleep, ...except for one day when I was sufficiently tired that I drove and slept (but not at the same time), forgetting to eat. So as long as I'm up here freezing my vital statistics off, some random observations:
- In trucking, the squeaky wheel gets relocated. Several years ago, a dispatcher asked where I would like to go and, on a lark, I replied that the Caribbean would be nice. A few days later I was in Jamaica, Queens. Demonstrating an uncanny ability to learn nothing from that experience, a year or two later I jokingly asked to be sent someplace where the shopping was good. That little one-liner resulted in me trying to parallel park an 18 wheeler on Park Avenue, which was a serious vocabulary building exercise. Still later, frustrated by an inability to get out of the frozen north in the dead of winter, I asked if they next planned to have me deliver toys to the North Pole. Result? A trip to Canada during a snowstorm of Biblical proportions. I walked into the truck stop in London, Ontario, looking like a beignet with legs. You'd think I would learn, and you'd be wrong.
- What this trip from the bottom of the country to the top lacked in spare time, it made up for in scenery. The wind continues sweeping down the plain in Oklahoma, which is why the vegetation there is sparse. Anything in that state that isn't nailed down with railroad spikes is destined to wind up someplace else. I could have sworn a tumbleweed was trying to tackle my truck on I-35 north of Oklahoma City. Actually, it was too small to be a full grown tumbleweed. It might have been on the verge of one. It was a tumble twig, really.
- Dorothy was full of it. Kansas is in color.
- People were in a huge hurry between San Antonio and Austin. In fact, they were in such a hurry that they kept running into each other. One person ran his car across three lanes and into a concrete wall. They had to close the interstate while crews cleaned the mess up. Is passing that other car really worth your life?
- I don't understand this business of frontage roads in Texas. If you are traveling along the interstate there and see a restaurant you might like to try, you'll never get there because you've already missed your exit. That's because the geniuses that designed the place expected you to exit the highway three miles earlier and take the frontage road to the restaurant. If you didn't know about the place before you saw it, you are unlikely to know much more about it afterward either, since getting to it would now require you to exit the highway further down the road, continue along the frontage road until you find a place to cross the interstate before heading back toward the restaurant on the frontage road on the opposite side of the interstate. Of course, you will then have to pass the place up, assuming you can see it from across the interstate, and somehow find a way to cross the highway again before driving up the other frontage road where you will try to access the restaurant parking lot without being run over by the locals who are auditioning for the grand prix. Better to stay on the main highway and starve.
- For a place that has miles and miles of nothing but miles and miles, you'd think Texas' highway engineers could have built interstate on ramps longer than 25 feet.
- Then again, in Pennsylvania, they actually have stop signs at the end of some of their on ramps.
- I-35 in Iowa runs about 14 miles from John Wayne's hometown. If I had had more time today...
- The restaurant here is not having much luck unloading their special tonight. “Smoked sausage, texas toast, and sauerkraut,” the waitress announced. I went for the roast beef. At the very next table, she announced the special as, “Smoked sausage, texas toast and mashed potatoes.” No dice there either, as the customer ordered a cheeseburger. I'll wager a special on smoked sausage and eggs tomorrow morning, while the snow falls outside. But hey, it's Spring time!
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Comments :
Jul '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
Hey Dave welcome to Minnesota, This is actually as nice as the weather has been since late October. Unfortunately I hear we have heavy rain tuning into snow in the next 24hrs. I'm glad your visiting my state but my advice is to head south as quickly as you can.
Dec '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
Welcome to the Minnesota Dave! Land of 10,000 lakes...and taxes. By the way, as long as you're in town, check out any local restaurants that offer a "Juicy Lucy" hamburger. Can't go wrong.
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
Gee, that's encouraging. Thanks for the welcome though. I'm headed toward Milan, IL tomorrow, which should take me to the world's largest truck stop, someplace in Iowa. More to follow from there.
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
Juicy Lucy? I think I remember her from Korea...
Jun '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
I've had the same problem with Texas frontage roads, though not in a big rig. Can someone from Texas explain them?
Sep '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
Talkin about genius highway engineers and on ramps on I-264 around Louisville, KY the on ramps are about 25 feet long and they merge into the fast lane.
Sep '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
Texas frontage roads were designed a few years after tequila was introduced from Mexico. Coincidence?
Actually, I doubt the above statement is true, but as a Texan I figured that worked as well as anything. There are stretches along I-35 where the exit is so short and not straight at all, so any speed over about 35mph results in an offroad excursion.
Jun '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
What's really fun (in Minnesota) is when wet blowing snow sticks to and covers up every square inch of the green highway signs, both high and low. At that point, you better know your landmarks, or about the only printed signs you'll see are the names on the water towers, every six miles, as the towns go by.
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
My favorite line in quite some time. Dave, I hope the Kansas DMV places a call to you before their next license plate redesign. That would be second only to New Hampshire's magnificent "Live Free or Die".
Dave Carter:
Jun '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
Dave Carter:
So thats what military assignment clerks do after they retire...become dispatchers!
Edited on Mar 21, 2011 at 9:48pmRe: Thoughts from Minnesota
Troy has his favorite, and I have mine:
"The wind continues sweeping down the plain in Oklahoma, which is why the vegetation there is sparse. Anything in that state that isn't nailed down with railroad spikes is destined to wind up someplace else."
Are you sure you haven't got time to drop in on James Lileks? I'd like somebody to confirm that he's actually in Minnesota and not recording our weekly podcasts from some cruise ship.
May '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
The on-ramps in San Antonio are much shorter than in Houston. That's probably because half the San Antonio population likes to drive under the speed limit. I know it's the law, but c'mon!
Around Houston, we call the frontage roads "feeders". I was told in a linguistics class that the term is particular to Houston and one of the snowbird states.
May '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
Lileks, feh. Dave drove up 94 or 10 to get to Sauk Center (birthplace of Sinclair Lewis, for those not dialed in), so he was within 2 miles o\f my house, and he didn't even pause. Or warn me that he was coming by. After he promised only a couple of months ago.
Now you're in real trubbel, Jimmuh Carter (the nastiest non-vulgar insult I could think of on the fly).
Dec '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
From my understanding, the interstate system followed much of the old state and federal highway system. The older roads acted as frontage roads for the new interstates (at least where I grew up on I-20 it was that way). Also, there's something Texan about having roads for locals and roads for others that run parallel.
On a side note, I used to drive from San Antonio to Temple/Belton every weekend when I was a teenager and in love. I'm not sure how I survived all those trips as people really, really want to get through Austin as soon as possible (especially on Friday afternoon), and I made the reverse trip asleep as often as awake every Sunday night.
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
Awww man... Duane, you live in Sauk Center? Why did I have it in my head that you lived in Minneapolis? I thought seriously about contacting you when I got the assignment on Saturday, but I did the math and the schedule on this load was so tight there was literally no time for a stop except to fuel once a day (10 minutes). Now, if I had known you were in Sauk Center, where I shut down for my break last night, we certainly could have visited. Evidently, I got my cities crossed up and for that I sincerely apologize. I wish I had known. Pleasant little town, incidentally. The people are very friendly. In fact, given the weather conditions they endure, they are about the hardiest and most pleasant group of masochists this side of martyrdom. Sorry I missed you.
May '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
In college I dated a girl from Sauk Centre. Their high school sports teams are the Main Streeters, after Sinclair Lewis's book. Sometimes we could lie out in the yard and see the northern lights.
May '10
Re: Thoughts from Minnesota
David, bad wording on my part- I misled you by my comment. I live 20 miles NW of Minneapolis, but only 2 miles off of a freeway exit that you drove right by on the way to Sauk Centre. The exit for Elk River was the next one up the road.
If you were in Washington DC, for example, it would be as though you were headed out Route 7 to Leesburg, and I was a few blocks off the road at Great Falls.
But I forgive you for being too time-limited to even pause.... I know there are no good truck stops in Mn to get stuck at for two days!