The Raging 'Mommy'
It isn't motherhood itself that author Taffy Brodesser-Akner has a problem with. And it isn't even the lifestyle of sacrificing one's career to become a stay-at-home mom, that's got her so upset. It's the word 'Mommy' that she despises:
Why are we grown women calling each other Mommy? Is being a mother such a silly avocation that we have to baby it up, stringing it with the hormones and gushy feelings of what our children call us? Does it strike anyone that calling a woman who has had a child Mommy is demeaning and infantilizing? Does it strike anyone that calling philosophical disagreements Mommy Wars is no different than screaming “GIRL FIGHT!” as two strippers go at it in a mud pit?
This started long before the Mommy Wars, though. In the 1980s, the attempt to simplify our conflict over how to balance family and career by results in a conclusion called the Mommy Track. It was a way to paint us as women who were so flighty that now that we’d gotten what we wanted—careers!—we realized that jobs weren’t all that and we wanted to go back home, where we could safely watch soap operas. Calling us Mommy then said, “You’ve done a good job pretending to be men, but the minute you get a baby in you, you become a hearth-sweeping woman who can only speak in goos and gahs.” The prefix “part-time” or “work-from-home” to whatever the job title would have worked just fine.
But when enough people say something, it kind of becomes true, doesn’t it? Women began to identify with the name Mommy and started not to mind when businesses would market to them as such: The Mommy Hook is a clip that hangs off my stroller and holds on to shopping bag. The Mommy Necklace is a necklace your child can’t choke on. Mommy Make-Up promises I can “look divine in half the time.”
We are being marketed to as this squishy thing—the Mommy—which confirms our needs but calls us names while doing it. Because when a woman calls herself a Mommy, she is, in some ways, identifying with her captors.
...Who is this woman who identifies with being called Mommy by strangers? Who is the woman who has abandoned every other thing she is, has been, or ever will be in favor of being known only as her kids’ mother? (And how’s her marriage doing?) Worst yet, who of these women doesn’t know that her children will grow up, move on, call her something more dignified…and then where will she be? What shall we call her then?
Men don’t have this problem.
Any mothers (or fathers...) out there who can identify with the author's rage against the word 'Mommy'? Having no children myself, and having never called my own mother 'Mommy,' I'm at a bit of a loss trying to understand where the frustration comes from.
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Jul '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
Men don’t have this problem.
How about being called,"My baby daddy[?]"
May '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
Diane Ellis, Ed.:
I think she means "Cat Fight!"
May '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
My mommy is 76. My daddy is 77. I am fortunate to still call them that. I find it a bit amusing that Taffy is worried about being called mommy.
Aug '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
"Children are captors?!"
I think you had better read the article again if you don't think it criticizes motherhood -- it does. It's subtle, but venomous.
"Worst yet, who of these women doesn’t know that her children will grow up, move on, call her something more dignified…and then where will she be? What shall we call her then?"
More dignified?!
There is nothing undignified when my 3 year old twin daughters call my wife "Mommy!" It is their shout of resounding joy. It is their call for desperate need. The same goes for Daddy and how they treat me. And I would give up a great deal to be able to yell out those words in joy regarding my mommy who has been dead for over a decade. Mom, mommy, mama, all sound more loving than "Mother" or "Genie" or "Taffy."
The fact that this woman doesn't think there is an entire "Daddy" market has spent no time reading Wired's "GeekDad" articles or any of the other "daddy" marketing that goes around.
Taffy -- really "Taffy?!" and she says "mommy is undignified?! -- is misanthropic and wrong.
[Ed.'s Note: Comment redacted by editor]
Edited on Mar 14, 2011 at 5:21pmAug '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
I think Ms Taffy Brodesser-Akner should get over herself. There are real problems to be found out there just waiting to be solved, if you look hard enough.And my favourite moment every day is coming in the front door to " Hi Daddy".
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
Nathaniel Wright:
There is nothing undignified when my 3 year old twin daughters call my wife "Mommy!" It is their shout of resounding joy. It is their call for desperate need. The same goes for Daddy and how they treat me. And I would give up a great deal to be able to yell out those words in joy regarding my mommy who has been dead for over a decade. Mom, mommy, mama, all sound more loving than "Mother" or "Genie" or "Taffy."
The author doesn't seem to especially mind when her own children call her 'Mommy,' but she has a problem with adults calling other adults 'Mommy.' She doesn't like it as a marketing term (i.e. 'Mommy necklaces' and 'Mommy make-up'). And she doesn't like 'Mommy blogger' as a term to describe a writer who writes about motherhood. Seems like she's caught up on semantics.
Jul '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
First, Taffy? That's a new one for me. Live & learn, apparently it's Welsh.
Second, though I've seen the occasional piece lamenting the replacement of "Father" with "Dad" I've never felt insulted by the moniker. During my slower seasons at work I watch my kids on Tuesdays. We call these days "Daddy Tuesdays."
Maybe I don't mind because "men don’t have this problem," or because I'm too obtuse to know I'm being demeaned. Maybe though, it's because I've decided that this is not one of the 5 million unimportant things that will bother me.
Jun '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
Nathaniel it's not subtle at all.
"And it isn't even the lifestyle of sacrificing one's career to become a stay-at-home mom, that's got her so upset. It's the word 'Mommy' ..."
Don't agere at all --- she mocks the lifstyle, calls kids a mother's "captors," and dismisses the idea that being identified as a mother is desirable. It's much more than just the word mommy that has this woman going off the deep end. She's a raving loon, with some very deep-seated issues that I hope she isn't working through with children of her own.
My favorite line: "Does it strike anyone that calling philosophical disagreements Mommy Wars is no different than screaming “GIRL FIGHT!” as two strippers go at it in a mud pit?" Why yes, the two are exactly alike! Because deciding how best to be a good mom without losing irreplacable career traction is precisely the same as a stripper's decision to give up dancing on a pole & take it to the mud. Both are dignified professions that we demean with our labels.
Chippendales don't have this problem.
Dec '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
Diane - Agreed, I think it's more an issue of adults using a word normally used by children. Baby talk has it's limits.
Jun '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
My mother has been dead for over 20 years. When my brothers & I talk about her, we still refer to her as Mommy. Didn't know we were demeaning her.
Jul '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
StickerShock:
My favorite line: "Does it strike anyone that calling philosophical disagreements Mommy Wars is no different than screaming “GIRL FIGHT!” as two strippers go at it in a mud pit?" Why yes, the two are exactly alike! Because deciding how best to be a good mom without losing irreplacable career traction is precisely the same as a stripper's decision to give up dancing on a pole & take it to the mud. Both are dignified professions that we demean with our labels.
Yeah, what kind of crazy hair-splitter would make that distinction?
Aug '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
Taffy is to Wales as Paddy is to Ireland, Jock is to Scotland.Off the top of my head and late as it is here in Paddyland I can't think of any other examples.
Jan '11
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
I can relate to being stupid but I do not share the author's opinions. My wife is a practicing physician, she takes more pride in Mommy than Doctor. Perhaps Taffy intended to write that women are demeaned when called Mrs.; my wife might support that suggestion.
Dec '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
All I know is that my heart smiles broadest when my daughter - all 17 years and 6' tall of her - calls me "Daddy". Is it childish? Possibly in some very unpleasant alternate universe. Do I care that it might be childish there? H*** NO!
Feb '11
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
I think she needs to view motherhood through a new paradigm. I saw a new mother at the playground this weekend wearing a t-shirt that read "I can grow people. What's your superpower?" Taffy might feel better if people referred to her as "Wonder Mommy"? Or maybe "Super Taffy Mommy"?
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
Yeah...ok, you're not stupid!
But it was a funny line :)
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
A spectre is haunting the malls and squares of America, and it's Mommyism! How deep the eternal collegiate sophomoric outrage must be, to write something like this:
This may be the most telling line; apparently being referred to by a marketing campaign in terms exclusively focused on your parenthood status has the effect of rewriting time and space, and eradicates actual accomplishments or talents.
Then where will she be? Older, perhaps in the sitting room, with a book. What she we call her then? Mom. There! Solved it for you. Or not; It's the "Shall" that puts this us there with with Lenin's "What is To Be Done," and other great philosophical questions of the time.
Nov '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
It took years of pain and loss (multiple lost pregnancies) as well as tons of work (adoption is not easy) before I was called Mommy. In my case it was a hard-won title, and when I think how grateful I am to have it, I am moved to tears. I can't think of a thing I'd rather be called.
May '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
I like being called "daddy" and I hope my daughter uses that the rest of her life. Maybe it is a southern thing.
Does this women really like being a mommy?
Sep '10
Re: The Raging 'Mommy'
This is such utter nonsense I can scarcely believe anyone could write it. The sound of my boys calling for their mommy and the way they need her is something that cannot be put into any other words. It is so far above the mundane considerations of work and daily life that it boggles my mind to think others do not see it. "Daddy" is also wonderful but it is so different no matter whether it comes from my little boys or my now grown daughters the connotation is less warm but not less important.