The Queen Claire Challenge
Twenty minutes before air time and you realize you need a safety pin? No worries: twenty minutes is more than enough time to get anything in New York, and every single person you speak to understands that if you say, "I need a safety pin in the next ten minutes," that means you need a safety pin in the next ten minutes. Obvious, you might think. Except that in much of the world, it isn't. I just can't get all that frantic about America being overtaken economically by any country that can't pass the safety-pin-in-ten-minutes test.
I thought it would be interesting to field test this in My neck of the woods Fort Worth, Texas.
First:
Seated in a restaurant with the waitress taking Our drink order. I slightly motioned to the Lady on My left Who got Us started around the horn with Me being last.
Me: I would like a Shiner with a safety-pin back.
Waitress: A what?
Me: A Shiner... with a safety-pin... on the side, please.
Waitress: [eye roll]
She returns and places the drinks on table in the same order that She received them. Next to My Shiner She laid down a cocktail napkin and on top, a safety-pin.
Time? About 4 minutes.
Yeah, I know. Too easy. She works for tips and would have brought Me a bowling pin if I'd asked.
Next:
I'm third in line in a supermarket check-out.
I clutch the middle of My button-up shirt and mutter,"Oh, no."
The Lady in front of Me glances at Me and Our eyes meet.
Me: Would You happen to have a safety-pin?
Lady: Well... [grabbing Her purse] I don't know... [cradling Her purse with one arm while rummaging with Her other] maybe....
She then makes a little room on the conveyor to place Her purse. This attracts the attention of the Lady in front of Her and the cashier.
Lady in front of Me: Would Y'all happen to have safety-pin?
Lady in front of Her takes Her purse from the lap of Her two year old in the basket and the cashier kneels behind the counter. A brief moment later the cashier reappears with a safety-pin and gives it to the Lady in front of Me. Lady in front of Me then turns to Me with a grin from ear to ear giving Me the safety-pin.
Time? Approximately 3 minutes.
Now, I know if Someone would have asked Me for a safety-pin in a supermarket I would have replied,"Yes. They're for sale on aisle 5 with the Home & Office supplies." Would that make Me more or less American? I don't know.
What I do know is that if You ever want some entertaining conversation with Friends and strangers alike, try the safety-pin test.
Now if Queen Claire could come up with a Cold War Era Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Silo/Adirondack Airpark-in-ten-minutes test.....
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Comments :
Aug '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
That's a great test. And Claire made a fantastic point about common sense, informal tests that matter a great deal more to the average citizen, than nationally reported numbers or metrics.
But if you want a challenge, try asking a guy for a safety pin. Odds are they won't even know what it is.
(Even the most prepared of us can only produce a knife, duct tape, or some paracord on demand. In our minds, that is plenty of gear for taking on the world.)
Jul '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
BlueAnt:
But if you want a challenge, try asking a guy for a safety pin. Odds are they won't even know what it is.
Good point. I think I'll try that next.... after I figure out how to do it masculinely.
BlueAnt:
(Even the most prepared of us can only produce a knife, duct tape, or some paracord on demand. In our minds, that is plenty of gear for taking on the world.) · Dec 26 at 1:51pm
Yep. a good ol' American made Gerber in My pocket at all times, but You did forget one tool.
The old adage: If it moves and shouldn't, duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, WD-40.
Edited on Dec 26, 2011 at 2:10pmAug '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
The used missile silo gambit wouldn't work in Turkey, remember that we gave all our nuclear capability away to the Russians when we disarmed our Jupiter missiles in Turkey in 1961. Don't remember that, gosh I guess the press covered for Kennedy on that one he parlayed away as part of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Must have been yet another myth of Democrat total victory as told by the faithful press corps in America.
Now, let's see about finding a good barbeque and cold beer in Istanbul ?
Jul '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
Yer digging up bones, flownover. Like We learned in the '90s, "moveon."
Now, what exactly do They barbeque in Istanbul?
Aug '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
Amen to that! Except I've never found a convenient, non-catastrophic way to carry WD-40 in my jeans.
I bet America could produce duct tape and WD-40 within 10 minutes, as well as safety pins. If Radio Shack has kept up with their policy of having a store within 5 minutes of everyone, we can add batteries and complex electronics to capitalism's small triumphs.
Jul '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
BlueAnt
Amen to that! Except I've never found a convenient, non-catastrophic way to carry WD-40 in my jeans.
· Dec 26 at 2:20pm
C'mon Blue... If Batman can look cool with a utility belt, You can too.
Dec '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
Great stream Jimmy! Except... I have a confession to make (looks sheepishly at his feet as they lightly kick pebbles):
I don't own a pocket knife. As a matter of fact, a certain relative gave me one last year as a gift and I thought - WTH?
See, I'm pretty much getting on and off commercial airplanes every week, so packing a weapon is pretty much taboo.
Oh, and I LOVE the adage!
Jul '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
Are You kidding Me?
A Man with that facial hair and the name The... Great... Adventure! [edit: with an exclamation point to boot] doesn't have a pocket knife, but Me with My slacks and Oxfords does?
Too rich.
Edited on Dec 26, 2011 at 3:55pmDec '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
I don't own a pocket knife either, but it's not for lack of trying. I bought a nice, lightweight Gerber and the last time I remember seeing it was when I emptied my pockets at one of the gates at work. Now one of America's finest Navy Master-at-Arms has a nice, lightweight Gerber.
May '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
Jeepers, guys, even I carry a Swiss Army knife in my purse! And needle and thread, flashlight, and, yup, 3 or 4 safety pins. And a lipstick or two since I AM a girl!
Mar '11
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
My aunt and uncle were regular attendees of the concerts held at West Point. As there would be some sitting around and waiting, she invariably brought her knitting with her. After 9/11, security stopped her on entrance: no knitting needles allowed.
That always tickled me. They were afraid that a little old lady was going to hijack a military academy with a pair of knitting needles.
At the time she said, "it's a good thing they didn't find the folding scissors."
Dec '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
Well, in similar fashion to King Prawn I just choose not to provide pocket knives to TSA agents. Think of how badly they'd hurt themselves!
Dec '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
Mr. Chauvinist has donated more mini pocket knives to the TSA than he cares to count. He's learned to keep a stash at home. Now if he'd learn to pack it in his checked bag, we'd save some money.
It's another sign of societal decay. Pocket knives are not for pockets anymore.
Aug '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
I used to, but was tired of having it confiscated for one reason or another. So now I don't bother.
Sorta sad, dontcha think?
Aug '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
Yet at the same time, when my husband was telecommuting he absentmindedly left a honkin' big spring-assist knife in his carry-on (after receiving it as a gift from his brother during a trip). There it remained for about a year, going in and out of airport security, without anyone noticing. Eventually, hubs removed it himself at home during a search for something else he'd lost.
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
Midget Faded Rattlesnake
Yet at the same time, when my husband was telecommuting he absentmindedly left a honkin' big spring-assist knife in his carry-on (after receiving it as a gift from his brother during a trip). There it remained for about a year, going in and out of airport security, without anyone noticing. Eventually, hubs removed it himself at home during a search for something else he'd lost. · Dec 27 at 6:21am
Remember how one of the Mythbusters guys got two 12-inch razor blades through TSA?
Aug '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
Been carrying one of these on my keychain and I just clip the keys in my briefcase everytime I get on the plane, always carryon. Had to go back to the car numerous times to leave my heirloom silver pocketknife until I learned.
When it's closed, it resembles a regular key.
Edited on Dec 27, 2011 at 10:06amDec '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
Percival
My aunt and uncle were regular attendees of the concerts held at West Point. As there would be some sitting around and waiting, she invariably brought her knitting with her. After 9/11, security stopped her on entrance: no knitting needles allowed.
That always tickled me. They were afraid that a little old lady was going to hijack a military academy with a pair of knitting needles.
The knife I carried was allowed, but since they inspect your belongings while your back is turned I lost a knife.
Jul '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
With these stories about lost knives, I'm guessing there's people out there doing the pocket-knife-in-ten-minutes test.
Dec '10
Re: The Queen Claire Challenge
flownover: Been carrying one of these on my keychain and I just clip the keys in my briefcase everytime I get on the plane, always carryon. Had to go back to the car numerous times to leave my heirloom silver pocketknife until I learned.
When it's closed, it resembles a regular key. · Dec 27 at 10:05am
Edited on Dec 27 at 10:06 am
Thanks, flownover! I just found Mr. Chauvinist's Epiphany gift!