The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
For an ex-prez, everything probably looks metaphorical the first few weeks out of office:
Former US president George W. Bush says he made a swift transition from White House pampering to picking up his pet's poop, according to a news report Wednesday.
Bush told a packed university lecture hall in his home state of Texas on Tuesday that, shortly after leaving Washington, he faced a decidedly un-stately moment when his dog Barney relieved himself on a neighbor's lawn.
"Ten days out of the presidency, there I was with a plastic bag in my hand, picking up that which I had been dodging for eight years," he was quoted as saying by the Tyler Morning Telegraph in remarks confirmed by his office.
You can sort every president into one of two categories:
A) Those who’d just bend down and pick it up, because that’s what a dog-owner does
B) Those who’d make a face and do it, or perhaps tell and aide to do it
There’s also the matter of which president would take it home for disposal, or throw it in someone else’s garbage bin. Anyway: choose a president, and tell us whether he’d be an A or a B.
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Comments :
May '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
Well, Bush just showed himself to be "A." Obama is surely a "B." Clinton had a dog and let it get hit by a car, if I recall correctly... is that "C?"
Jun '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
No doubt about Obama being a B, though he may choose another solution: he could order the EPA to issue regulations mandating that dogs may no longer do their duty on a neighbor's lawn. 10,000 bureaucrats to enforce the law: problem solved.
Big question: If a dog violates the regulations is it entitled to a trial or can it be handled by military tribunal? I would argue for the latter--a foreign dog pooping on my lawn is an aggressive act that constitutes the moral equivalent of war.
Edited on Oct 20, 2010 at 11:20amAug '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
Clinton's a "B", but only because he would make some female aid pick it up so he could enjoy the view...
Jul '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
That was decent of George. He could have had the Secret Service guys take care of it. If it was Obama and Nancy Pelosi was visiting, it might have given them a new idea about taxation.
May '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
I'm afraid this litmus test is not going to be a good one for Mitt. He stuck his dog on the roof after all.
May '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
Nixon and Carter are both a "B".
May '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
Obama - Have the poop elected mayor of Chicago.
Bush II - Ship the poop to Iraq.
Clinton - Depends on the meaning of the word "poop"
Bush I - Send the poop a handwritten thank you note for being just one of a thousand points of poop.
Reagan - Say to the dog, "Well, there you go again."
Carter - Offer to negotiate with the poop.
Ford - Put a WPN button on it. (Whip Poop Now) Then pardon the dog. "Our long poopy nightmare is over."
Nixon - Flush the poop. Then call a plumber.
LBJ - Lift the dog up by it's ears and then put the poop on the dole.
Edited on Oct 20, 2010 at 11:45amJul '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
George Washington: Tower over the poop, looking at it with stately dignity. Poop evaporates with shame.
FDR: Order CCC to hire 27 idle ditch-diggers to clean it up.
Andrew Jackson: Pick poop up with bare hands, hurl it at neighbor's house.
Teddy Roosevelt: Form commission of experts to solve the national plague of poop-leaving. Blast poop with an elephant gun.
May '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
If only we had a President who would finally fence in the back yard.
Still puzzled as to why Bush the Elder was running around picking up broccoli.
"Ten days out of the presidency, there I was with a plastic bag in my hand, picking up that which I had been dodging for eight years."
???.
May '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
Eisenhower - Have Nixon pick up the poop
Truman - Give the poop hell
Coolidge - Not say a word about the poop.
Harding - Bribe the poop and then demand a kickback.
Wilson - Explain the progressive nature of the poop. Then deal with it on an international basis.
May '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
Lincoln: Of the poople, for the poople, by the poople
Cleveland: Ma, Ma, where's my poop?
Wilson: Pooparedness
Harrison: Dog log cabins and hard poop.
Jackson: Never trust a man who only knows one way to spell poop.
May '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
Grant: To hell with the poop, give me another drink.
Harrison: Tippecanoe and Pooper Scoopers too!
Edited on Oct 20, 2010 at 12:34pmMay '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
FDR: Explain that the poop was merely a Republican dirty trick. "These Republican leaders have not been content with attacks on me, or my wife, or on my sons. No, not content with that, they now include my little dog, Fala."
May '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
Unfortunately, Joe Sestak got this idea too. My 80 year aunt told me yesterday that she didn't know if she was up to voting this year. When I offered to take her, she proceeded to tell me how she wanted to vote for that handsome young fellow with the cute little white dog who even cleans up after the dog. Perhaps I'll forget to pick her up on the 2nd. Here it is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9SbDnoaYX8&feature=player_embedded
May '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
Sorry, forgot the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9SbDnoaYX8&feature=player_embedded
Aug '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
I imagine Carter would be the hardest to classify as his viewpoint is different. After all, what species has pooped themselves when being chased by a rabbit ?
Who said poopecanoe ?
Jun '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
John Adams: Couldn't decide about the poop, left it to Hamilton
Gerald Ford: Slipped in the poop
Herbert Hoover: Slapped a tariff on poop
Jimmy Carter: Inspired to write a book Poop and Palistine: Israel's Shame
May '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
See what Lileks started? But do you think he'll come back and clean up after himself?
Jun '10
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
This has to be one of most bizarre conversations I've ever read here. I think this calls for some judicial activism - such as Jefferson's alleged wall of separation between poop and state.
Re: The Presidential Dog-Owner Test
Hoover: Poop is just around the corner