The Politics of Child Raising
This is the season when we get to spend more time with other people's children. What fun!
It is the easiest thing in the world to kibbitz about the parenting skills of others. But there is something to it: parents recognize when other people's kids are spoiled. It is much harder to achieve the same distance when assessing our own parenting. And yet, we should if we can: some of the best parenting advice I ever received was to "raise your kids like they are someone else's". How true. We all know how others are doing it wrong. But can we apply that same ready wisdom to ourselves?
Ricochet,of course, is a political site first and foremost. And so I wish to make a political point: When it comes to parenting, even conservatives parent like liberals. Think about it:
- Parents make up all kinds of "feel-good" rules, and then are surprised when we discover the inevitable unintended consequences. Repeatedly.
- We reward the "squeaky wheel" - the kid who complains the loudest, whatever the justness of their cause. We coddle those who most need tough love.
- We react only to what we see - when one kid is crying, we (often wrongly) assume the one who is not must be the aggressor. That's how we know business is evil.
- We think we know what is really going on. But of course, parents are often the last to know. We therefore end up training the welfare class to excel at manipulating the system.
- When someone is complaining, we think it is good parenting (governance) to do something, anything! Congress MUST ACT!
- We don't understand that children are not stupid: they are far more aware of how to manipulate the system then the central planners realize.
- We romanticize the underclass, considering them to be angelic and innocent victims. It is all for the sake of the children!
- And most importantly: we think we are doing something good when we are involved in every aspect of our children's lives - when in fact, the goal of parenting (as with government) is to set up a lawful and transparent system, and then get out of their lives as thoroughly as possible.
I'll wager that most Ricocheteers parent like liberals - and so your instinct upon reading this will be to argue that while the above list is largely accurate, spoiling children is the right and proper way to show love...
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Comments :
Jul '10
Re: The Politics of Child Raising
shorteddy
Actually, I think you need to have one set of rules - for all kids. It isn't fair for them otherwise. But you should be very careful in how you craft them and implement them. And you can of course interact with each kid in their own way. When it comes to rules though, they are important and must be totally consistent. · Dec 26 at 3:04pm
I think You can be the federal government for All Yer kids and the state government for each One Individually.
Surely Yer rules wouldn't be the same for Yer 8 year old Girl as are Yer 17 year old boy?
Dec '10
Re: The Politics of Child Raising
Midget Faded Rattlesnake...
I understand that for musically sensitive people, having a child musician in the house can be excruciating. When you're passionate about music, listening to sour notes and lousy rhythms really is a form of torture. But if you want your kids to be musical, too, that is the sacrifice you make. It's simply selfish to expect their practicing to be pleasant to you.
Oh, and if your gripe is that your little darlings aren't perfectly on key, check whether the family piano's in tune. If it's routinely more out of tune than they are... well... children learn by example...
Midge, my girls are in a Catholic children's choir directed by a very talented opera singer. At the parent meeting at the start of the year, she instructed us that our job as parents is to love and encourage. It's her job to instruct and correct.
If one is a musician parent, perhaps it is best to hire out the teaching job. What do you think?
Aug '10
Re: The Politics of Child Raising
I keep telling my daughters that there isn't a man in the World good enough for any of them.Only because it's true.
Dec '10
Re: The Politics of Child Raising
I'm not sure what I think about the theme of good government being justice. That sounds like an argument a lefty would use. "We live in the richest country in human history and yet there are still poor people. That's unjust! Therefore, the government should redistribute the wealth."
I think I'd describe good government as one which secures the rights of the citizens from enemies foreign and domestic, and that's about it. Government, like pretty much every human institution, provides a very flawed justice.
But I'm pretty sure one of the problems with family life is the imbalance between love and justice, which I prefer to identify as "truth." There's either too much "love," slipping into sentimentalism or "benign" neglect, or there's not enough confrontation with the truth. That's how we end up with these blanket punishments, a citizenry with less and less regard for the truth, and a sizable portion of the population unable to cope with the truth when confronted with it. We're raising pansies.
Re: The Politics of Child Raising
Reason #1,652,098 why Ricochet is awesome? I just read this post and all 64 comments.
And I don't have kids.
Jul '11
Re: The Politics of Child Raising
Family time is critical. Today we hiked up on the hills over Lake Tahoe. I explained that it was named by the Washoe Indians and loosely translated means Obama stinks. We discussed the nature and science around us, throwing in history, God, and politics. 140 year old tree stumps up high mark where the loggers took the big trees and slid them downhill to a flume that ran right through the heart of the eastern Sierras to be transported to Virginia City. Hard men matched wits, endurance, and brawn to scrape out a living right where we were. The 9. year old boy thinks about this existence.
The boy asks what a liberal is. He gets the old description then the progressive liberal description. He says that sounds like Robin Hood and while some people like Robin Hood he still is a criminal who should get a job (yes the boy gets to the very heart of Atlas Shrugged). My wife and I hold hands and laugh a lot. The 4 year old gets tired and wants a piggy back. She sweetly sings,"Jesus Loves the Little Children". Then she sings Barney. Yes girl, we are a happy family.
Aug '10
Re: The Politics of Child Raising
Western Chauvinist
Midge, my girls are in a Catholic children's choir directed by a very talented opera singer. At the parent meeting at the start of the year, she instructed us that our job as parents is to love and encourage. It's her job to instruct and correct.
She is absolutely right. It's the teacher's job to instruct and correct. The parents are to love and encourage -- or at the very least bear it stoically.
Western Chauvinist
If one is a musician parent, perhaps it is best to hire out the teaching job.
Many parents have success giving their children basic music lessons, like showing them what a scale is and so forth. Some famous musicians (Glenn Gould, for example) also received a large portion of their training from their parents. And if a family were poor enough that music lessons from the parents was the only feasible option, I would hate for them to think that they shouldn't give it a try.
But you're right. A great many sticky problems can arise when parents play music teacher -- especially when they're already paying a professional teacher. Hiring out is often the wisest strategy.
Nov '10
Re: The Politics of Child Raising
We have 3 kids who now range in age between 28 and 24 years old. The older 2 are girls and the youngest is a boy. Starting at about age 4 or 5 when my kids started misbehaving, I made them run. It started out at about 1/10 of a mile but worked its way up to two or three miles by the time they got to be 9 or 10 years old. Running worked very well. First it burned off a lot of excess energy. Second, it gave them time to contemplate their iniquities. Third, it was good for them. All three were very good high school athletes and they all three run for pleasure to this day.
When the two girls started fighting, I would take them outside and tell them to go at it. The deal was that I would spank the loser. It is amazing how fast the fight went out of them and somehow they always ended in a tie so no one got spanked. If my son started any sort of physical confrontation with either of his sisters, he was severely punished, no matter how the fight started. Men do not hit women.
Re: The Politics of Child Raising
Brilliant! I'm adding this to my repertoire.