This problem has been ignored for far too long. Unauthorized immigration by Southerners into wealthy Northern states is draining the Northern economy and changing our way of life. Finally, a solution.
Uneducated, impoverished, and with a poor command of English, Southerners are invading by the millions. Between 1900 and 1970, over twenty million undocumented Southerners crossed the border into the North. Millions more have come since then, seeking to take advantage of our robust economies and generous social benefits.
The numbers cited above tell only half the story, however. The Total Fertility Rate--that is, the number of children an average woman will have over her lifetime--is dramatically higher for Southerners. Mississippi's TFR, for example, is 2.26, while Vermont's is a far more civilized 1.69 (far below replacement rate.) If just half the population of Mississippi immigrated to Vermont, there would be more Southerners than Northerners in that state within a single generation! Such an influx would place an enormous burden on our public school systems, hospitals, unemployment offices, and police force.
It's not just that they're uneducated, gun-wielding maniacs, though. Southern culture is very different from Northern culture. We in the North prefer active lifestyles and healthy eating. Southerners seem to care only for driving their pick-up trucks from the local BBQ joint to the nearest Wing Stop. One look around Times Square will confirm it: the only fat people around are wearing shorts and have cameras slung over their necks. Thus the Southern immigrants pose a public health concern too. The average BMI in the North has increased dramatically in the past 30 years, though it thankfully still lags behind that of our neighbors to the South.
Perhaps if they learned the language we'd be more welcoming. But they sternly refuse to speak proper English, preferring instead their own incomprehensible dialect. "Y'all" and "might could" are making their way into the casual conversations of Northern gentlemen with alarming speed. How long before we're all speaking with a twang?
My proposal, then, is to build a fence across the waistline of this great nation of ours. The Mason-Dixon line would be a fine starting point for compromise, but we may wish to keep Maryland on our side so as not to lose Washington, DC. We'll still have immigration, of course, but on a vastly reduced scale. Highly educated Southerners (Ph. Ds, M.D.s) or those with special skills which cannot readily be found in the North will still be able to obtain work visas easily. The rest, who would simply be a drain on our economy, will simply have to wait their turn. Ten years seems fair.