The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
Letter writing, in our age of instant communication, is a dying art. Why write letters when we have e-mail, text messaging, Google chat, Facebook, and Skype? I have family in Iran, Sweden, and Canada, and a boyfriend in Prague, so I appreciate and rely on the many quick and easy ways that we can all talk to each other, in most cases free of cost. Modern technology, it's a wonderful thing. Writing letters is antiquated and I certainly don't long to return to the days when communication-by-post was all there was. Still, I think our fast-paced culture has lost something in giving up old-fashioned hand-written letters for the immediate "hey u" text and "what's up" e-mail.
A couple of days ago, I came across this piece from the Huffington Post, "11 Amazing Thank You Notes From Famous People." The letter writers include Roald Dahl (pictured above), Marilyn Monroe, Barack Obama, Ronald Reagan, Audrey Hepburn, Conan O'Brien, John Lennon, and more.
Lennon's letter is pretty funny. The Huffington Post delivers the context, then the letter:
Once upon another time (1974), John Lennon showed up drunk to LA's Troubadour club and proceeded to heckle the Smothers Brothers during their act. A fight ensued which involved just about everyone, including actress Pam Grier. The next day, she got this letter from Lennon:
Dear Pam,
I apologize for being so rude and thank you for not hitting me.
John Lennon
P.S. Harry Nilsson feels the same way.
Marilyn Monroe's letter is charming for getting straight to the point:
Dear Mr. von Fuehlsdorff:
Thank you for your champagne.
It arrived, I drank it and I was gayer.
Thanks again.My best,
Marilyn Monroe
But the absolutely best letter of the bunch is from the children’s book author Roald Dahl to a little girl named Amy.
According to the website Letters of Note:
One rainy Sunday afternoon in 1989, with encouragement and much-needed help from her father, a 7-year-old girl named Amy decided to send something to Roald Dahl. Taking inspiration from her favourite book, The BFG, and using a combination of oil, coloured water and glitter, Amy sent the author a very fitting and undeniably adorable gift: one of her dreams, contained in a bottle.
Thankfully, the sentiment wasn’t lost on Roald Dahl.
Dahl wrote the girl a very touching response:
GIPSY HOUSE
GREAT MISSENDEN
BUCKINGHAMSHIRE
HP16 0BP10th February 1989
Dear Amy,
I must write a special letter and thank you for the dream in the bottle. You are the first person in the world who has sent me one of these and it intrigued me very much. I also liked the dream. Tonight I shall go down to the village and blow it through the bedroom window of some sleeping child and see if it works.
With love from,
(Signed)
Roald Dahl
Part of the reason the letters above are so amazing, apart from the fact that their signatories are quite extraordinary people, is that even the shortest and pithiest ones are still brimming with thoughtfulness and sincerity. Monroe's letter is a perfect example. It's so simple and yet so satisfying to read: she thanks Mr. von Fuehlsdorff for his gift, says what she did with it (drank it), and describes the effect it had on her (it made her gayer). Today, when we find ourselves in the position of thanking someone, it is usually because that person gave us a gift---and they want to know that you received it, are enjoying and using it, and--most importantly--that it affected you in some way, that it was meaningful to you.
Dahl's letter is the best of the bunch because it not only covers the same essential ground Monroe's note does, and with compassion and tenderness, but it makes the recipient feel infinitely special. Think about your favorite childhood author writing you, and only you, these words: "You are the first person in the world who has sent me one of these and it intrigued me very much."
With these letters in mind, I've put together here what I see as the essentials of writing a well-crafted thank-you note. Did I miss anything?
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Comments:
Apr '11
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
Dear Emily,
Thanks so much for your lovely post. Thank you notes, and letter-writing generally, are topics near and dear to my heart. Learning that not everyone has given up on the handwritten word was a great way to start my day.
With affection,
Charlotte
Jul '10
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
Yer examples ain't "handwritten." They're typed. There's a big difference.
Some of the most treasured possessions in My Home are truly handwritten letters and even notes from Others.
Feb '12
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
Thank you notes and letters are both lost art forms. I took a stab at both in the past month.
And let me just share this little secret to all of the gentlemen on Ricochet----if you write a handwritten love letter to your wife and mail it home from work, it will have whatever desired effect you're after.
May '10
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
There's more than a little bit of Miss Manners in Emily's Post...
Sorry. Had to say that...
Dec '11
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
Gifting giving and receiving is a routine, or an exercise in running household errands now. Its lost all meaning. If you want thank you notes, gifts have to be gifts.
Jun '10
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
I just noticed on one of my bookcases the two volumes of letters that C. S. Lewis wrote to people, many of them children, who wrote to him.
Great people do good things.
Apr '11
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
Consider me old fashioned but I often take pen to paper to correspond with friends and relatives, thank you notes included.
One thing I would add, maybe it's a quirk, is to use some postage stamps that are a little different than the standard "Forever" stamp.
Oct '10
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
When I turned 40 my brother and sisters pitched in and got me a very generous golf-related gift. I bought thank-you cards...and carried them around, through travels and moves, for the next ten years, always intending to use them. For a variety of wholly unacceptable excuses, it wasn't until I turned 50 last year that I realized what a bad brother I had been to them. And so I sent those ten-year-old cards to each sibling and (finally) expressed my heartfelt thanks...and the minute those envelopes dropped into the mailbox, I felt like a million bucks. I hope it doesn't take me 10 years to learn that lesson every time a thank-you note is deserved.
Thank you, Emily.
Aug '10
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
You know why presbyterians don't go to orgies ?
Too many "thank you" notes to write the next day.
Mar '12
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
It saddens me to think that the future will be deprived of letter collections. The tactile joy of a secret box in the back of a drawer or closet filled with ribbon-bound special letters and postcards is fast disappearing.
Emails saved in an inbox can be easily lost in digital failures and technological transitions. They can't be passed down through generations---and I can't imagine my heirs daring to go through my tens of thousands of emails to find one or two worth keeping for posterity. But they will inherit a lovely scrapbook of my great-grandmother's postcards from a hundred years ago.
It's no wonder some schools have abandoned teaching cursive writing. There's little use for it now, except to autograph credit card receipts.
Feb '12
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
Thank you.
Sometimes a two-word note is better than no note at all.
Dec '11
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
I must agree with the well-mannered Charlotte. I still remember writing the hundred-odd thank-you notes for my wedding gifts using the following rules that were intensely engrained by my southern mother:
1. Never, ever write "Thank you for the gift." Mention the gift specifically and how and when you expect to use it.
2. Move on quickly past the gift and mention how much you appreciate the particular guest's appearance at the wedding. Nice to bring up a question or two about the children as well.
3. Timing matters. A year to respond to a gift is really too long; a month is most appropriate.
Weddings aside, I think a good thank-you note can be written almost anywhere: snail mail, email, private messaging here on Rico, but not Twitter. (That's my own rule.)
Thanks for a very entertaining post to the aptly named Emily!
Aug '11
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
Psst..if you are looking to score a few thank you notes really cheap...I can help you. I know people who know people.
Dec '11
Re: The Lost Art of the Thank-You Note
flownover: You know why presbyterians don't go to orgies ?
Too many "thank you" notes to write the next day.
Wait just a minute... I think I may resemble that remark. :)