The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
This post is mostly anecdotal, grounded in my personal observations having been raised in a predominantly Black city (Asbury Park, NJ).
You will find with a quick Google search that I’m certainly not the only person, White or Black, to make this observation:
The African American grandmother in poor neighborhoods exhibits the same qualities that cultural conservatives aspire to have themselves.
Even if you aren’t from a Black neighborhood or don’t frequent one, you’ve seen her in movies made by modern Black filmmakers and writers.
She makes sure there is a household to live in for 3 generations of family. She never misses work. She goes to church on Sundays, and she makes sure everyone wears their best clothes when they go. She loves Jesus, and never fails to have a picture of Him in her home. She doesn’t spare the rod when raising her kids or grandkids. She loves strong, which is why her family seeks her out not just in good times, but even when they’ve done wrong. She is usually silent, in a personally humble way.
I recall when growing up the tremendous respect Black kids in my neighborhood would show their grandmother. If they were doing something wrong, threatening to tell their parents might not work. Threatening to tell their grandmother put them right on track.
Even today I have the same feeling when I encounter the typical Black grandmother, who I see digging her garden after work near dark or walking in her dress early Sunday morning on the way to Church. I have a respect that comes over me that I think was learned but is now instinctual. I would never "act the fool" in front of her, which is what I've heard her tell her grandchildren growing up. It was slang for any bad behavior.
Perhaps this matriarchal personality has developed by necessity, as nuclear African American families have deteriorated over the years. Some statistics show that while 28% of White births are out of wedlock, 78% of African American births are so. Where I come from, the African American births are out of wedlock over 90% of the time.
The Moynihan Report by former Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan (D-NY) released in 1965 warned that the absence of nuclear families would devastate African Americans culturally, and I’ve always thought he was correct.
One area where I might disagree with him is that Moynihan seemed to blame the matriarch for weakening Black men by stealing their ability to be dominant. He may have cause and effect backwards. My position is that Black grandmothers take over the household to save it. They would not be so dominant if the nuclear family stayed together.
I wonder why that demographic, the African American family grandmother, isn’t publically praised by conservatives, and held up by us as heroes. She has been fighting desperately to keep her family a family, even when other adults in the family structure leave it. She lives right.
Do we simple not know her well enough within our own culture? Shouldn’t we get to know her better, and reward and praise her for living the values we preach others should have?
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Jun '10
Re: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
Back in my days as a nurse I worked alongside many of these black grandmothers who were nursing aides. On the Saturday night shift they'd come in with their fancy Sunday hair-do because they'd no sooner sleep in and miss church than jump off a cliff. I loved them dearly & would applaud seeing them celebrated.
Being a nurses aide is backbreaking, often unpleasant work. Because of the crazy set-up of hospital units today and the overwhelming paperwork load, these ladies are in contact with the patients much, much more than are the nurses. RNs learn which aides have the smarts & dedication to their job to alert you to changes in patient condition or any situation needing attention.
One of the most moving instances I experienced with a black grandmother aide involved hearing an old white man with dementia screaming, "Get that n***** away from me!" I ran in to find my favorite aide skillfully changing the man's diaper. She looked at me & chuckled, saying, "Mr. Smith isn't really in a good position to be calling me that name, is he?" It didn't alter her standard of care. Christianity in action.
Edited on Jun 10, 2011 at 7:29amMay '10
Re: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
Tommy De Seno:
I wonder why that demographic, the African American family grandmother, isn’t publically praised by conservatives, and held up by us as heroes. She has been fighting desperately to keep her family a family, even when other adults in the family structure leave it.
That's a good idea. I was complaining to David Limbaugh just yesterday about how Republican politicians (as opposed to pundits) concede the poor to Democrats without the slightest objection.
My gut was to focus on the negative — explain bluntly and repeatedly, by citing common experiences instead of easily dismissed statistics, how Democrats have abused the poor for generations. Explain how big government hurts the poor most of all. For example, the poor are the most likely to own used vehicles which fail to pass emissions tests. Vice taxes hit the poor worst of all. Examples like that, unlike minimum wage or similar subjects, don't require explanation. A poor voter immediately recognizes such things as burdens imposed by government.
Your idea, on the other hand, focuses on the positive. It highlights conservative ideals in their own community.
Republicans should do both, but I'm not holding my breath.
Dec '10
Re: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
I was fortunate enough to live two doors down from one such saintly black grandmother when I was eleven. She was grandmother to all the kids in the neighborhood. Everyone loved and respected her, and she was a reassuring presence sitting on her porch rocking in her chair and watching out for all us "lil uns." One day I was turning my bicycle into her driveway to say hi (and get the piece of candy, of course) when I was struck by a motorcycle going close to twice the posted speed limit. I escaped mostly unharmed from the incident. However, I almost felt sorry for the guy who hit me by the time she was done "discussing" the matter with him. She was a beautiful, and powerful, presence during that season of my life.
May '10
Re: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
Also, Republicans should make Thomas Sowell their official ambassador to poor urban blacks. Hell, forget politicians! Conservative media should start a campaign to get Sowell's messages to the poor.
He grew up in Harlem and can speak from personal experience about how much better off the poor were before they became Democrats' minions. Nobody makes the argument as well as him.
Jun '10
Re: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
Walter Williams writes about this frequently. Black neighborhoods used to have intact families of all social-economic and educational backgrounds living together. The neighborhood kids were more likely to have a doctor or businessman as role models than a junkie or drunk. Regardless of the stature of the men in the neighborhood, they held jobs and stayed with their wives and kids. That's the most important message to pass on to kids.
It's ironic that black families remained remarkably strong through the days of slavery, but the Great Society is causing their demise.
Edited on Jun 10, 2011 at 8:09amRe: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
In my area, (San Francisco, and across the bay in Oakland) there are a lot of African American grandmothers in their 30s and 40s, and they don't really match your description. That description seems to be one or two generations removed -- the great grandmothers and the great-great grandmothers.
Oct '10
Re: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
Very sad.
Feb '11
Re: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
Diane is right the "Big Mama" matriach is beginning to end within the black community. I recall the late Bernie Mac lamenting the fact that the strong and loving grandmother was disapearing. He observed that many black grandmothers are much younger and looking to "live their own lives" with the latest boyfriend. Heather McDonald wrote an article noting that in many urban black communities neglected or unwanted children are spread among various relatives because the grandmother is absent and/or unwilling to take them in.
Re: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
Diane just called me old :-(
But seriously, your point is well taken. The underaged grandmother is a more modern situation.
I am writing about the woman in her 50's 60's and 70's who should be retiring but has too many mouths to feed.
Jun '10
Re: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
"Heather McDonald wrote an article noting that in many urban black communities neglected or unwanted children are spread among various relatives because the grandmother is absent and/or unwilling to take them in."
How tragic for these kids.....abandoned by two generations of family caretakers!
My nursing experience is 15 years old, so I'm sure lots has changed. One of the big issues we faced back then in meeting the nursing needs of the urban black community was the AIDS orphans. Many kids who were battling AIDS had lost both parents to the disease and relied on a loosely organized family structure trying to act as guardians/caretakers/decision makers. It was hearbreaking. Those kids were exceptionally brave, and tough as nails.
I wish Obama and his health care "experts" had an inkling about the phramaceutical miracles that rescued so many from the AIDS epidemic. Big Pharma is not perfect, but it's a marvel of American capitalism.
Dec '10
Re: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
Tommy De Seno
iane just called me old :-(
But seriously, your point is well taken. The underaged grandmother is a more modern situation.
I am writing about the woman in her 50's 60's and 70's who should be retiring but has too many mouths to feed.
Tyler Perry has made an industry -- including his own film/TV production studio -- out of the strong Black matriarch. His Madea character is the anchor of his series of films on the breakdown and reconstruction of Black family values.
Tommy, the women you describe have sometimes succeeded and sometimes failed. They kept their grandbabies safe -- until their teen years, when too many learned they could stand up to Grand and even intimidate her. Those kids yielded to peer pressure and discarded their Grand's values in favor of fitting in and having fun. And by definition, their own mothers were not in any position or mood to step up and become matriarchical Grands to their own babies. Great-grand is getting too old and frail to handle yet another generation.
Even successes can become instant failures, as when promising Black teens become targets or collateral damage of their armed peers.
Sep '10
Re: The Cultural Conservatism of African American Grandmothers
I wonder why that demographic, the African American family grandmother, isn’t publically praised by conservatives, and held up by us as heroes.
...
Do we simple not know her well enough within our own culture?
I think this is sadly the case. Race relations are so thoroughly soured that an awful lot of white people simply don't have a lot of black people in their lives, at least not close. I have a half-baked idea that this is less true among the young, but actually I thought that was so as well in my own youth, and I now believe that was a delusion.