Stay vigilant
Claire Berlinski ·
Jul 3, 2010 at 5:04am
With the Fourth of July weekend upon us, I'm proud to think that you'll all be on the beaches, scanning the horizon for Russian spies. As a qualified spy novelist, I feel compelled to warn you that their spies could be everywhere. Do not relax your guard. I'm meanwhile keeping vigil over the Aegean. Trust me, not one single Russian spy is going to cross that pool--not on my watch.
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Comments :
Re: Stay vigilant
Claire to Editor: Hey, Editor, how come my photo isn't showing up?
Editor to Claire: You're in charge, remember? You figure it out.
Claire to Editor: I've tried everything, but I still can't get it to show up.
Editor to Claire: Maybe you should give up and go back to watching for Russian spies.
Claire to Editor: Wouldn't that be irresponsible?
Editor to Claire: Don't be silly. Nothing could be more important than keeping the world safe from Russian spies.
Claire to Editor: I suppose you're right. If you need me, I'll be by that pool.
Re: Stay vigilant
Claire to Editor: By the way, I think we're the same person.
Editor to Claire: Sure seems that way.
May '10
Re: Stay vigilant
I bet there are hordes of Russian spies in Istanbul. How can you be sure there are none at your pool? Have you done extensive background checks? Followed them? Listened to their phone conversations? Monitored their email?
Jun '10
Re: Stay vigilant
Russian spies have invaded my hot tub! Unless the cat has developed a sudden taste for caviar and vodka. I shall do an ammo check this weekend and post extra sentries around the perimeter tonight.
May '10
Re: Stay vigilant
I thoroughly enjoyed listening to the audio version of Lion Eyes on a roadtrip last summer. Spy novels are overdone, but yours was fresh and funny.
Re: Stay vigilant
Thank you, txmasjoy -- I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
May '10
Re: Stay vigilant
That pool looks strange, because I don't see any humans or beach chairs around it. And where are the seven cats?
Re: Stay vigilant
Up here in Minnesota, home of Frostbite Falls, Russian spies are easy to spot. Look for the short stocky guy with the black suit and hat, and the tall gaunt dame with the sepulcher pallor.
Re: Stay vigilant
You all know I'm much more likely to see Russian spies, here, right? At Town Pool, Suburbia, USA. The spies will be the moms who look like ex-gymnasts, asking a little too self-consciously about the school supply lists for next year. I'll get their attention by mentioning my Polish heritage -- maybe loudly cursing the Russians for murdering my president -- and then I'll strangle them with the kids' goggles, followed by a powerful bop on the head with a Hannah Montana water bottle. That'll show 'em.
May '10
Re: Stay vigilant
Don't mess with us moms! If you ask my boys they'll tell you I can leap tall buildings with a single bound. But, that's only if a bad guy takes them. Absent any imminent threats to their physical well-being, though, they blurt out all physical evidence of my being halfway to ancient.
Jun '10
Re: Stay vigilant
I can fully appreciate women who can defend themselves. Especially so when progeny are concerned. The animal kingdom is full of examples of what the female of a species will do to protect her young. I just wonder why in the species homo sapien such a circumstance would be necessary. Are real men in a civilized society not charged with defending women, children, the weak, and the elderly? Call me old fashioned.
Now, truth to tell, I haven't hit another man in my adult life. But I have stepped between men, and man-sized boys, on plenty of occasions to break up fights before things got stupid. I've even stepped between abusive men and women victims. I'm neither large nor trained in the martial arts, but I've found that attitude counts for quite a bit. What's the old saying? It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.
And, Andrea, you're not halfway to ancient till you hit fifty. You'll understand why when you get there.