Soccer Is Boring
The f-folks at FIFA are dissing the US, saying the World Cup doesn't need our support. My response has the elegance of brevity but is unprintable. The left has been trying to shove this god-awful sport down our throats forever, as one of its more underhanded assaults on American exceptionalism. They've polluted our schools with it so we'll have a stake in it through our children. And it stinks. No one ever scores--which is unAmerican right there--and if God hadn't meant us to throw, he wouldn't have given us hands. And the way sportswriters keep reassuring us how "athletic" it is, as if that will take our minds off the fact that it's also foreign and effeminate. I mean, ballet dancers are athletic, but look how they dress! And what's with the chequered ball? I hate this game.
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Re: Soccer Is Boring
Rob Long: I love rugby. I've some of my very best ear injuries playing rugby.
MC1183: It's also fun to watch. It requires the spontaneous creativity that supposedly defines soccer, only with the added pressure of getting creamed while moving the ball. It's not quite the chess match that American football is, but also requires more real strategy than simply moving the ball around until something randomly happens like in soccer.
I love rugby. I shattered two inches of collarbone playing a mongrel fraternity version of rugby ("zamboni"). Self-inflicted, of course. But that year, there was also another collarbone fracture, a broken tibia, a broken hand, and, I'm pretty sure, a torn ACL. I hate rugby.
May '10
Re: Soccer Is Boring
Speak truth to soccer power, Klavan. Good man.
Now, that said, even worse is cricket. While I was in India a bit back, and traveling alone, I spent quality time in a bar (in the Westin in Kolkata) learning about cricket. While the enthusiasm was admirable, the game is still a tremendously boring mystery to me.
And while they were very enthusiastic about cricket, they were even more enthusiastic about another "sport": American pro wrestling. Cricket was in their blood, but the wrestling was in their hearts.
Score another one for the US of A!
Re: Soccer Is Boring
David, I think you and I have had the same cricket education. When I was a boy, I lived in Holland, and played tennis (and field hockey, which IS NOT A GIRL'S SPORT, OKAY??? IT ISN'T!!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT, KLAVAN) at a club that also had a cricket team. I never could get the hang of it. Then, a few years ago, I was sitting out on the verandah of a hotel in Jaipur, India, trying to pull myself together a bit -- heat; street food lunch -- and drank myself silly while a local Indian business man explained the game of cricket going on in front of us. Gradually, I figured it out.
Have no recollection of it, but I remember thinking I had figured it out.
May '10
Re: Soccer Is Boring
Rob Long: When I was a boy, I lived in Holland, and played tennis (and field hockey, which IS NOT A GIRL'S SPORT, OKAY??? IT ISN'T!!! · Jun 11 at 5:53pm
I bet you looked cute in that skirt.
Re: Soccer Is Boring
Andrea Ryan
Rob Long: When I was a boy, I lived in Holland, and played tennis (and field hockey, which IS NOT A GIRL'S SPORT, OKAY??? IT ISN'T!!! · Jun 11 at 5:53pm
I bet you looked cute in that skirt. · Jun 11 at 8:05pm
I did, actually. But I never got shoes to match.
May '10
Re: Soccer Is Boring
"It's low scoring, like hockey, but without all the Canadians or the fistfights."
That's a mighty clever line right there, but recent NHL playoff action shows that hockey is not a low-scoring game. I'm willing to bet that if you put the average goals per hockey game alongside the average runs per baseball game, there wouldn't be very much daylight between them.
Well, heck. I have me one of those fancy internets, so let me look!
Okay, the stats are not entirely fresh, but it's about all I could find with a quick Google search. According to this guy, who went back and looked at every baseball game from 2000-2004, the runs per game average over the five years was 4.82. Hockey, on the other hand, averaged 5.34 goals per game over the five-year period from 1999-2003 (taken from these stats, moved back a year because of the strike year). So, hockey has been averaging a full half-point more scoring per game than baseball, despite the league's attempt to increase scoring through various rule changes and the players' rampant steroid use.
Sorry. Back to soccer talk.
May '10
Re: Soccer Is Boring
Rob, after a few nights at the bar, I thought I had it figured out, too. By the time I had made it home and tried to explain it to my wife, it had gone.
In honor of this shared moment, I'm not even going to mention my mother's many remembrances of playing field hockey as a girl.
Nope, not a mention.
Seriously, though, it does sound much the same as how I learned (and forgot) the ruled to cricket. And as much as I was happy to come home something about India really appeals to me--I can't wait to go back some day and learn and unlearn the rules once again.
Jun '10
Re: Soccer Is Boring
Boring, and, apparently, gay: http://www.theonion.com/video/soccer-officially-announces-it-is-gay,17603/
:)
Jul '10
Re: Soccer Is Boring
Soccer is not a bad game, it is a great way to teach children how to obey a coach, how to work as a team member, and it avoids premature injury to their growing bodies. It prepares them for real sports.
Civilized adults should not play or watch the game as it rejects the opposable thumb, the scores are low, and there are not enough commercial breaks for major corporations to use for advertising. [Guess who works for a big corporation that advertises a lot on TV?]
I suppose I will let others watch it, this was once a free country, but if they won't even call each goal 10 points to get me to watch, why should I? Besides they have their traditions and I have mine: THERE ARE NO TIES!
Aug '10
Re: Soccer Is Boring
Though I'm late to the party (I only just signed up), I must speak my peace in defense of Soccer. I love soccer but my interest only began at the 2006 World Cup. For me, the game is about strategy, tactics, endurance, team cohesion and individual creativity. It's a game of chess. The opponent's defense must be torn down to find the moment when the defender makes the mistake that allows the attacking team to exploit it for goal. I could spend time addressing misconceptions but would max my word limit (no, diving isn't an accepted part of the game). I also love getting behind my country's team. I was one of those at the pubs around the country early those mornings to watch the US play.
Soccer has it's boring games just as any sport does. In fact, I thought the World Cup Final was appallingly bad. However, the rallying behind a team (either national or professional) is a great part of the sport that draws me in that other sports lack.
To each his own, but I'm looking forward to the start of the English Premier League this Saturday.
Sep '10
Re: Soccer Is Boring
Rob Long: Ricochet Line of the Week: · Jun 10 at 11:31am
I'm late to this thread. I managed a soccer team for two years (my son's) -- I'll never get those two years back. I hate the game. There I said it. I feel better.