Slouching...
I was at one of those joints today where they have the inflatable "bouncy houses." It was my first time there, and it was pretty nice, not too expensive. But any time you take your kids to a place like that you run the risk of having to deal with OPC. You know, Other People's Children. Now, in this case it was one of those boys who runs around trying to get all of the kids to play with him and do what he wanted to do. At some point there was an issue with some small inflatable balls, and he figured he should have one no matter what. On no less than five occasions I watched him try to take balls from other kids. I was proud when my 7-year-old shoved him away and said "Get lost!" At any rate, someone must have complained because out comes the proprietor. And you know what she did? She confiscated all of the balls. She said "I can't have all of these kids fighting over the balls!"
Now, maybe you say, "Ken, you are reading too much into this, it's just kids." But I can't help but wonder if this isn't another example of the decay of our society. What should have happened is the proprietor should have gone to that kid's mom and said "Get control of your son, or he'll be asked to leave." It seems to me that holding parents accountable for the behavior of their children is fairly important to our society's foundation.
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?
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Jan '11
Re: Slouching...
Ah, yes. OPC. A few years ago at a resort, an 8-ish year old girl kept climbing up a pool slide so that other children, including our own, couldn't go down it. Finally, my husband told her to knock it off & let the other children have turns. The girl's mother became upset at my husband's tone and said, "It's her birthday." At this point, I intervened, "And how are we supposed to know it's her birthday & how does that excuse her rude behavior?" Mom gaped as I glared at her. She then corrected her daughter.
Few parents enjoy seeing their children corrected by other adults; however, a belated correction to the little darling & an apology are character building. I've been on the receiving end, too, and have tried to learn from the experience.
I generally let the children work the situation out, but I do intervene when it's necessary (someone's getting hurt, etc.)
Feb '11
Re: Slouching...
Yes. I agree as long as there is no serious physical risk to the kids. When my kids were younger, if they asked for help in this kind of situation I told them to stand up for themselves. Also, I encouraged them to stop a kid like this from taking the balls from others kids. They are now teenagers and pretty good at stopping or at least deflecting bullies.
Edited on May 4, 2012 at 5:12pmApr '11
Re: Slouching...
Misthiocracy
Hence the futility of anti-bullying policies? · 1 hour ago
The only anti-bullying policy I've ever seen that works is the rapid and forceful delivery of a closed fist to the end of the bully's nose. Works every time.
Sep '11
Re: Slouching...
There's a kid we encountered who was very wild and rough. He actually would run extremely fast and bowl over my then 1.5 year old toddlers. He tried it on my 3 year-old but she is a brick and just stood there.
I told my 3 year-old that the normal protocol didn't apply and I said she had my permission to flatten the wild child. I said it in front of the kid's parents.
No reaction from the parents - totally oblivious, their child just wanted to 'hug' other kids. Wasn't it cute.
And, sadly, my daughter didn't flatten him.
Nov '11
Re: Slouching...
But if your child had punched the little tyrant, the mom probably would have sued you. Who knows how that would have turned out.
My kid reached adulthood long ago, and I know things have changed, but if I had a child to raise nowadays, I would be even more careful about who were her playmates, beginning even when she was a toddler.
Maybe I worry too much about physical and mental hygiene, or maybe I'm just a big snob, but I would never let her set foot in a public free-for-all playground, swimming pool, bouncy house, or any such thing. Those places are truly disgusting on so many levels, and whatever lessons a child might learn from them, if they can't be learned elsewhere, are better learned from a distance.
Aug '10
Re: Slouching...
You know, now that I think about it, I don't remember any incidents involving bullying behaviour when interacting with children who were strangers. All of the incidents I'd label as "bullying" involved kids I would have called friends, or at least classmates.
Looking back on those times when I was on a playground with kids I didn't know, I cannot recall a single incident.
Jul '10
Re: Slouching...
It’s when these children eventually enter the workforce that things get really messed up. Example: Someone makes a remark that is taken personally by another – which the speaker never intended as such. Next stop on the offendee’s schedule? HR to report the offender. Or to the offender’s manager – and then to HR.
Remember the days when these things were handled between offender and offendee? And a conversation twixt the two usually resulted in a clearing of the air, probably even an apology.
What the current system has resulted in is far too many people getting involved and most likely a mark on the ‘offender’s’ personal record even if it is shown the offendee misinterpreted the situation. It has also resulted in more long-lasting hard feelings between people and the erosion of trust among them. And it has resulted in the application of more workplace regs and rules – many gov’t-imposed – thus more people (overhead) to carry them out.
What a mess the overseers of our lives have created. And to think it started in grade school, much due to zero tolerance which no longer allows kids to work many things out on their own.
Nov '10
Re: Slouching...
Lots of good comments, except for the one where I am expected to confront the parent. I just point out the problems, I don't solve them!
I agree that kids should be left to sort things out on their own, to a point. When there is one kid who is bowling over everyone else, someone has to step in. Unfortunately, taking the balls away didn't end the problem for this kid, and his mother was either oblivious or resigned to the whole situation. My guess: single mother, no dad in the picture. No way to really know, but that's my gut sense.
Aug '10
Re: Slouching...
Ken Owsley:
When there is one kid who is bowling over everyone else, someone has to step in.
Depending on the age of the kids, and the context, and the milieu, I'm not convinced.
Small kids are resilient. Being bowled over won't necessarily do that much harm.
How many times was I bowled over by other kids? Plenty, probably. The only time I even thought about complaining was if there was a parent nearby that I could complain to.
If we were just playing in the park, without adult supervision (as was common back in the bad old days) we just got over it.
Aug '10
Re: Slouching...
And I write that as a guy who was known for being a cry-baby as a kid, and a victim of bullying in middle school and high school.
Apr '11
Re: Slouching...
Ken, wherever did you come across that rare color photo of Astonishing?
Dec '11
Re: Slouching...
Astonishing
Maybe I worry too much about physical andmental hygiene, or maybe I'm just a big snob, but I would never let her set foot in a public free-for-all playground, swimming pool, bouncy house, or any such thing. Those places are truly disgusting on so many levels, and whatever lessons a child might learn from them, if they can't be learned elsewhere, are better learned from a distance.
You are a big snob and so am I! My nieces and nephews swim in my pool, go to my restaurants and attend the movies I want to watch (full disclosure- I love Disney/Pixar- so this works).