Slouching...
I was at one of those joints today where they have the inflatable "bouncy houses." It was my first time there, and it was pretty nice, not too expensive. But any time you take your kids to a place like that you run the risk of having to deal with OPC. You know, Other People's Children. Now, in this case it was one of those boys who runs around trying to get all of the kids to play with him and do what he wanted to do. At some point there was an issue with some small inflatable balls, and he figured he should have one no matter what. On no less than five occasions I watched him try to take balls from other kids. I was proud when my 7-year-old shoved him away and said "Get lost!" At any rate, someone must have complained because out comes the proprietor. And you know what she did? She confiscated all of the balls. She said "I can't have all of these kids fighting over the balls!"
Now, maybe you say, "Ken, you are reading too much into this, it's just kids." But I can't help but wonder if this isn't another example of the decay of our society. What should have happened is the proprietor should have gone to that kid's mom and said "Get control of your son, or he'll be asked to leave." It seems to me that holding parents accountable for the behavior of their children is fairly important to our society's foundation.
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?
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Mar '11
Re: Slouching...
The proprietor was probably just following the recommended protocol. For her, they're all OPC, but they come attached with paying customers and the customer is always right, even when the customer's kid is a little sociopath.
They all are OPC to me too. (I'm keeping my fingers crossed this Fathers Day that I don't get any unanticipated greeting cards. Or phone calls. Or knocks on the door.) Most of them seem completely normal, even sweet. A significant percentage have "military school" stamped all over them, but I really haven't noticed an increase in that contingent.
May '11
Re: Slouching...
Yes and yes. You're right that parents should police their kids and insist on acceptable behavior. But yes, you are also making a mountain out of a molehill in this case. The proprietor was in a no-win situation. Forcing a confrontation was not only not her job, but probably doomed to failure. So she took other steps to defuse the situation.
Oct '10
Re: Slouching...
The proprietor succeeded in keeping one satisfied nominal parent and alienated all the remaining parents who are trying to raise their kids right. In a no win situation she cemented the fact and showed herself to be nothing but the janitor impersonating someone with authority.
No, you are not making a mountain out of a mole hill. But, the mountain is made up of thousands or millions of incidents like this.
In America past, OPC were also our own children. Parents had the help of neighbors and shopkeepers to give their children an understanding of authority.
What do you think that woman taught the errant child and his mother?
Jul '11
Re: Slouching...
I had a similar scenario a decade ago with some fertility solo kid of 50 yr old yuppies. I asked the mom if she thought her son's actions were all ok ( he was pushing over a toy that wasnt his) and she gave some liberal claptrap garbage about never shaming the child and my response was that I had just told my kid to punch her kid in the face if he got pushed again and I walked away. She left the playground immediately.
Feb '12
Re: Slouching...
When my kids were small I used to hate taking them places like that for exactly the reason you described. There was always that one kid that didn't belong to me that was driving every parent in the place nuts, except of course his own. By the time my youngest was 5 years old it was a little more fun because she would always manage to miraculously put the troublemaker in his place. I watched her once at Chuck E Cheese take on a set of twin boys who were at least 2 years older than her. The twins were throwing the balls at the other kids as they would slide into the ballpit, usually aiming for the head. My daughter picked up one of the balls and threw it so hard she knocked one of the twins out from under his hat. As the twins (one in tears)left the ballpit to find their mom my daughter shouted out after them "and don't come back". She was 6. Not one of the parents who were watching said a word, we were all just smiling. I've never felt so proud.
Jul '11
Re: Slouching...
When children are interacting with each other it is best to leave adults out of it and let the kids sort themselves out. It is only when adults get involved that things tend to get messed up.
Mar '11
Re: Slouching...
Agreed. Kids will work things out amongst themselves and learn how to become well adjusted adults as a result.
Nov '10
Re: Slouching...
Don't know if you're making too much of it - I tend to think the worker took the path of least resistance; there is a problem in the ball pit so take away all the balls. I wouldn't be proud if my kid took another kid out, even though I want them to be more assertive than they are. I am also the kind of parent who would have said something to the offending kid directly - along the lines of "hey, knock it off, you aren't playing nice!" What really bugs me is when teachers punish the whole class for the offense of one or a few kids. Teachers have a much different role than a pizza fun house worker.
May '10
Re: Slouching...
Sometimes what is plainly obvious with respect to you and your children is less clear to a less-invested third party. That child's parent might view the situation differently: why are the other children not sharing what are clearly there for the common?
I am often frustrated because I have a child that does not easily cry and though he is not disagreeable, in the inevitable playground disagreement he is often on the defensive with the supervising adult if the other child bursts into tears. But I feel as though his character is strengthened by that slight injustice.
Feb '11
Re: Slouching...
Am I the only one seeing a CofC-sensitive metaphor in the action taken by the proprietor?
Re: Slouching...
Yours sounds like a government solution - getting an authority involved. Why not just let the kids compete for the balls?
May '11
Re: Slouching...
Sorry, but I have to ask a pointed question:
Ken, why didn't you go to the parent of the misbehaving kid and discuss the situation?
As uncomfortable as it is to confront someone, we are actually helping that person become better (even if they don't want it) when we point out the issue. We may get told to buzz off (C of C possibilities) but at least we did the right thing.
Years ago, a person in our neighborhood was acting wrongly (long story for another time). My father, instead of calling authorities, went to the man's house, confronted him and explained the unavoidable consequences of any future misdeeds. That was enough. It was handled person to person.
May '10
Re: Slouching...
Ken Owsley
She confiscated all of the balls. She said "I can't have all of these kids fighting over the balls!"
The IRS employs a similar strategy.
Jan '12
Re: Slouching...
Ken Owsley
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? · · 23 minutes ago
I don't think so.
At the adult level this same thing takes place when some people that don't want to earn their own money say, "How come everybody has more stuff than me? I want more stuff." and the government babysitter takes everyone else's money away from them in order to fix the problem
How about taking all the good people's guns away from them because some bad people used guns to commit crimes?
Aug '10
Re: Slouching...
My parents never, ever, took me to those kinds of restaurants.
Aug '10
Re: Slouching...
Hence the futility of anti-bullying policies?
Apr '12
Re: Slouching...
This lazy approach to problem solving with OPC is also the safest. This business lady does not want the risk of having parents sue for making her son feel bad. It is a terrible disease that inflicts schools too. Instead of one child being disciplined, anyone in a fracas gets sent home. No mediation. No making the kids face other and discuss. Nothing. It stops parents from suing. Unless there is a special religion or race involved, then that is a whole other situation.
Oct '10
Re: Slouching...
I'd pop the damned jumpy thing, throw the kids ONE ball, and then say, "now go play."
Dec '10
Re: Slouching...
Oh, no! You're definitely not overreacting! The event you describe is yet another example of the insidious, "slouching," as you say, loathsome, radical egalitarianism infecting our society. These blanket punishments make my blood boil.
Here's another example. I work with the Youth Group at my parish. At one Sunday's meeting, one of the "youths" set two small fires in the bathroom, which were immediately extinguished and the perpetrator identified (by me, as it happens). I wanted our priest to perform an exorcism on said teen right there, but instead? The perp was not only NOT confronted, but from thenceforth all teens had to be escorted by an adult to the bathrooms. The irony is, Catholic parishes have set up very strict policies about having two adults in the room with minor(s) at all times. Except when one of the adults is having to escort a teen to the bathroom -- alone?!
I'm for bringing back public flogging. Or at least not having parents so cowed by lawyers and state "child protective" services that not only can't we give our kids a swat on the behind for uncivil behavior, we can't even correct OPC verbally.
May '10
Re: Slouching...
I agree with those above who encourage personal involvement. I think parents ought to stand up for what is right and set an example for their children to stand up for justice. I think calmly pointing out to the offending child their poor behavior, while at the same time encouraging your own child to share and be charitable, is the best course of action. If a discussion becomes necessary with the other child's parent, either because the behavior does not stop or the parent objects to you speaking with their child, you should be prepared for that. The alternative is to allow the children to work it out on their own. This can work, but as a parent, your job is to assess when it is necessary to step in and right a wrong.