Single Moms and the Washington Post
The Washington Post today has an interesting story on a new Pew survey on marriage. While it found most Americans accepting of most any marital arrangements today, it did find scepticism toward single mom families -- including some single moms themselves. The tone of course is great surprise, as though they were reporting on the views of some tribe. Naturally we need a Johns Hopkins social scientist to explain it for us:
"Working mothers are acceptable to almost everybody," he said. "Two parents who are unmarried are tolerated or acceptable. But many people, including single parents themselves, question single-parent families. There's still a strong belief that children need two parents."
The story is brief. But doesn't it suggest that the root of this discomfort is not a moral judgement about single motherhood as an appreciation of how hard it can be to be one. Is it really all that shocking that Americans seem to have a belief that having two parents is better for most kids?
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Sep '10
Re: Single Moms and the Washington Post
I've told my son and daughter that getting pregnant is a selfish act. After that, it's all about the kid. So your second to last sentence is slightly off.
Jun '10
Re: Single Moms and the Washington Post
If you're a single parent, and don't have a spouse to be your best friend, the temptation is to make one of your children your best friend. That's a big mistake. Kids already have friends. They need parents.
Jan '11
Re: Single Moms and the Washington Post
In the last episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show, Mary gave an emotional plea for how much she loved her co-workers. Between tears, she said, "But last night I thought what is family anyway? It's the people who make you feel less alone and really loved."
No. Family isn't just any old arrangement. The moment our culture accepted "alternative" family arrangements is the day we revealed our ignorance of family. Family is a distinct way of life. Not every way of life is a family. Not every arrangement is a family. That doesn't mean every other way of life is bad, but it isn't family.
Like marriage, family has a certain prestige, and garners a unique respect. Other arrangements crave that prestige and respect, but they don't want to abide by the traditional rules that govern marriage and family. Well, then, if you don't play by the rules, you don't get the rewards.
Jun '10
Re: Single Moms and the Washington Post
Unless a single mom has a wide support system, meaning grandparents and good friends who roll up their sleeves and pitch in, it is virtually impossible to raise kids without a dad.
It is more than coincidence that the most troubled kids in my town are usually being raised by single moms. (We have a very high percentage of intact, church-going families, so they stand out.) My mom was a widow, and I know my younger brother especially missed out on the influence of my dad. Husband comes from a broken home, and I'm still amazed at some of the things he was able to overcome when the divorce was quickly followed by a new stepdad, full custody of step-sisters, and the focus of his mom moving entirely to sustaining her new marriage. At least the stepdad was sober.....always looking for the bright side.
It's hard to raise kids with two involved parents in an intact marriage free from serious financial or emotional problems. I can not imagine doing it on my own.
May '10
Re: Single Moms and the Washington Post
Not only do kids do better with two parents, in particular they do better when they have an involved father in a stable, healthy marriage with their mother. Piles and piles of research confirms this.
Most of us will say, well, duh, of course. But political correctness discourages society from stating the obvious for fear of hurting someone's feelings, to the point where for some, it is no longer obvious at all.
In fact, fatherhood came under deliberate attack by feminists a generation ago, and we're reaping the terrible consequences. See http://www.fathermag.com/406/father-daughter/ for example.
Kids with involved, supportive fathers do better in almost every aspect of their lives:
Moreover, kids need both a mother and a father. I know I'll get called a bigot for stating the obvious again, because of the latest form of political correctness. But each brings something unique to both sons and daughters:
May '10
Re: Single Moms and the Washington Post
Even the government agencies that often compete with the father as the provider now admit that fatherhood should be encouraged, and that it's a tragedy, for example, that government social workers have not in the past encouraged couples who are just living together to marry and settle down: http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/chaptertwo.cfm
Jun '10
Re: Single Moms and the Washington Post
I agree, Chris. Marriage changes everything.
Even in the case of my younger brother facing his teens wihout a dad, he knew it was a tragic early death, and that his dad was a good man. It doesn't make up for losing the day-to-day influence and example, but it's a comfort knowing one's parents loved one another, married, and made a conscious decision to bring you into the world.
Jul '10
Re: Single Moms and the Washington Post
It's not just single moms, it's also co-habitating couples. Ever notice how many tawdry crime stories involve couples, with children, who are unmarried?
Jun '10
Re: Single Moms and the Washington Post
Yes, & often the man isn't even the biological father of the kids. It's incomprehensible to me how a woman would be so desperate for a man that she'd act against her maternal instinct & bring a starnger into the home that should be a haven for her children.
Jul '10
Re: Single Moms and the Washington Post
It's usually a melange...he has a couple of kids by other women, one or more by her, she has kids by others.