Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
Where is Camille Paglia when we need her?
In the last few months, the pop culture has been pulling back the layers on what sex in the age of post-feminism looks like–and it’s not pretty. Exhibit A is the terribly written but–to many women in their twenties and thirties–sexy book 50 Shades of Grey. The erotic novel is about Ana, a twenty-one-year-old woman who lets herself become the sex slave of a rich and powerful twenty-seven-year-old man named Christian. In this unexpected bestseller, Christian makes Ana sign a contract that stipulates some pretty grim things. And she does.
Exhibit B is HBO’s new comedy Girls, created by and starring the twenty-five-year-old Lena Dunham. Girls is about four highly educated and adrift young women in their mid-twenties trying to manage their degrading and awkward sex lives against the backdrop of an unmerciful New York City. The show’s protagonist is Hannah Horvath (Dunham). Hannah regularly hooks up with a creepy hipster named Adam who never wears a shirt and fantasizes that Hannah’s a hooker. He’s the kind of guy who never texts her and tells her to stop talking during sex. And yet, she still pines for him to call her. She still goes over to his apartment. She even refers to him as her “boyfriend,” which would be a surprise to him.
In a cover story for Newsweek, Katie Roiphe tries to figure out what’s going on in these two pop phenomena. Why, Roiphe asks, does this “particular, watered-down, skinny-vanilla-latte version of sadomasochism have such cachet right now? Why have masses of women brought the book to the top of the New York Times bestseller list before it even hit the stores?”
It is intriguing that huge numbers of women are eagerly consuming myriad and disparate fantasies of submission at a moment when women are ascendant in the workplace, when they make up almost 60 percent of college students, when they are close to surpassing men as breadwinners, with four in 10 working women now out-earning their husbands, when the majority of women under 30 are having and supporting children on their own, a moment when—in hard economic terms—women are less dependent or subjugated than before.
…
When Maggie Gyllenhaal appeared in Secretary, a 2002 comic commentary on a boss disciplining his assistant, she was worried about a feminist reaction against the flamboyant depiction of sexual domination. But she said, “I found women, especially of my generation, are moved by it in some way that goes beyond politics.”
That thing that goes beyond politics is called human nature. As Roiphe writes:
Gloria Steinem writes that these women “have been raised to believe that sex and domination are synonymous,” and we must learn to “finally untangle sex and aggression.” But maybe sex and aggression should not, and probably more to the point, cannot be untangled.
That was one Paglia’s main points during the nineties, when she was at her polemical peak. The feminists, Paglia argued, have neutered male sexuality and that has killed sex. “If you live in rock and roll, as I do,” she said back then, “you see the reality of sex, of male lust and women being aroused by male lust. It attracts women. It doesn’t repel them.”
In Girls, Hannah’s best friend and roommate is a put-together, uptight girl named Marnie (Allison Williams). Marnie has been dating her metrosexual boyfriend Charlie for four years. The problem is, Charlie is cloyingly sweet and loving–too loving. He defers to her on too many issues, including sex. And Marnie is repelled by him. Whenever he touches her, she explains to Hannah, it’s like “a weird uncle putting his hand on my knee at Thanksgiving.” She doesn’t even want to look at him when they’re hooking up, an act that he refers to as “making love.”
“Make love to me?” she laughs.
Marnie later tells Hannah, “He’s so busy respecting me, you know, that he looks right past me and everything I need from him.” Hannah, who is in a pretty degrading situation with Adam, the guy she’s hooking up with, responds: ”I’m just unwilling to accept the idea that you have too great a boyfriend. Although if you want someone to feed you abusive rhetoric, just send him to Adam’s house for the night. He’ll learn a lot.”
Which brings us back to sadomasochism.
Roiphe opens her piece by writing “every era gets the sadist it deserves.”
True, and let’s not forget the original sadist, a man that Roiphe does not mention once in her piece–the sadist that we derive the term “sadomasochism” from: the Marquis de Sade.
Paglia considered Sade to be “the most unread major writer in western literature.” When you think about 50 Shades of Grey and Girls, you realize why. Sade–and Paglia–understood that when the social constraints break down, when sexual liberty reins supreme, that degradation follows suit. Here’s Paglia (from Sexual Persona) on Sade:
For Sade, getting back to nature (the Romantic imperative that still permeates our culture from sex counseling to cereal commercials) would be to give free rein to violence and lust. I agree. Society is the not the criminal but the force which keeps crime in check. When social controls weaken, man’s innate cruelty bursts forth. The rapist is created not by bad social influences but by a failure of social conditioning. Feminists, seeking to drive power relations out of sex, have set themselves against nature. Sex is power. Identity is power . . . My theory is that whenever sexual freedom is sought or achieved, sadomasochism will not be far behind. Romanticism always turns into decadence. . . . The search for freedom through sex is doomed to failure.
In its realistic and stark portrayal of casual sex, this is the message of Girls. Hannah, who calls herself the voice of her generation in the show, is not seeking sexual empowerment or liberation in her relationship with Adam. She passively submits to Adam, but it’s clear that she’s not into his weird fantasies. She wants to talk to him, to kiss him, to call him on the phone. In one scene, she asks Marnie, “What does it feel like to be loved that much?”
In 50 Shades of Grey, Ana daydreams about love, too: “Deep down I would just like more, more affection, more playful Christian, more . . . love.”
Marnie may be the most put together of the Girls, but she’s more adrift than her friends when it comes to one thing: In the age of post-feminism, women do not want to hook up. They want love.
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Comments:
Apr '12
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
~Camille Paglia
Aug '10
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
"In the age of post-feminism, women do not want to hook up. They want love."
Isn't this what women have always wanted? Isn't this what the human soul actually calls out for?
The intimacy of a long term relationship far exceed the intimacy of any sexual act. One can have a sexual encounter with someone -- at least when one is male -- without ever revealing one's real self or exposing one's self to any true emotional danger or satisfaction.
Sex without true intimacy, even with a partner, is purely [word that would violate CoC].
Jun '10
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
I think men--the serious ones--want someone better (nobler, kinder, more generous) than themselves. Eventually, that's what they want. So, the better the man you want, the better you (the woman) have to be. Be a slut--attract a loser, or a string of losers. It think that last theory is well proven by now.
Dec '11
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
Some hard language in the link.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/01/hard-core/8327/
Apr '11
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
Edit: Guru's link put it better than I did. Technology is a facilitator and enabler; we've always had whoremongers and unpleasant desires, but legitimization of those desires and more effective match-making makes for some unfortunate impacts on society.
The one thing I'd add to it is that George Orwell's discussion of "true love" and whoremongering in Down and Out in Paris and London should remind us that we live in a world that has improved in some respects, even with regard to this sort of thing.
Small world: I think that the article's reference to Clown Porn is probably a reference to Bridgett Harrington, a friend of mine who used to work alongside my mother, in a non-pornographic capacity, at the Victoria and Albert Museum.
Guruforhire: Some hard language in the link. http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/01/hard-core/8327/ · 25 minutes ago
Edited on April 20, 2012 at 12:23amAug '10
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
RadiantRecluse: "Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
~Camille Paglia · 14 minutes ago
Or having Obama walk your dog to lunch.
Kidding aside, I did a thesis on the political metaphor of Sade and his very conservative message was one of avoiding the advice of Rousseau.
The slouch toward ouch that is going on now seems very reminiscent of the book of my era named The Story of O. Anybody around here remember that spanker ?
With people like Strauss-Kahn in the news pimping ,as the NY Times finally quits defending him, sexual perversion is part of the confessional obsession within our new reality-based existence.
Yawn........
Feminism has to be one of history's greatest failures.
Feb '12
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
Lorenz Hart said it all really..
The sleepless nights
The daily fights
The quick toboggan when you reach the heights
I miss the kisses and I miss the bites
I wish I were in love again
The broken dates
The endless waits
The lovely loving and the hateful hates
The conversations with the flying plates
I wish I were in love again
The flying fur of cat and cur
The fine mismatching of a him and her
I've learned my lesson but
I wish I were in love again
The furtive sigh
The blackened eye
The words I love you 'til the day I die
The self-deception that believes that lie
I wish I were in love again
When love congeals
It soon reveals
The faint aroma of performing seals
The double-crossing of a pair of heels
I wish I were in love again
No more care
No more despair
Now I'm all there
But I'd rather be punch drunk
Believe me sir, I much prefer
The classic battle of a him and her
I don't like quiet and I wish I were
In love again
In love again
Jul '11
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
My life is so boring and monogamous compared to these hookup queens. I have fewer skin lesions though.
Aug '10
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
Lena Dunham's dad is NYC painter Carroll Dunham, whose paintings DEFINITELY violate the Ricochet CofC, with extreme prejudice.
She's a product of her upbringing.
Dec '11
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
As libertarian as I am, I am all about keeping taboos because it keeps the things that must be done to be kinky within safe territory. Normalizing bondage and S&M with cute tunes little girls are singing along too just keeps raising the 1 step more transgressive than she may be comfortable with into dangerous territory. There is always going to be a sub/dom relationship which should be indulged to an extent, and the egalitarian model of male sexuality is nearly entirely bogus, but we need taboos to keep what is normal, and what is kinky safe and only slightly transgressive.
This is seriously a subject of concern that worries me greatly. I dont want small girls mixing sex and violence cocktails they arent ready for. Somethings should seriously be left in the hands of trained professionals.
Aug '10
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
Also, has anybody seen the ratings for the first episode of Girls?
It gets pretty scathing user reviews at Ain't It Cool News. (You have to scroll down to the comments section.)
Furthermore, none of the people involved with this show have ANY business trying to pass themselves off as "typical" young American women.
Dunham is the daughter of two successful NYC artists (She grew up in a Tribeca loft. That ain't low-rent.) One of the actresses is the daughter of David Mamet, one is the daughter of Brian Williams, and one is a working NYC painter who only acts part-time.
This show is about a very specific subset of American womanhood - rich, entitled hipsters living in Brooklyn. Yawn.
Edited on April 20, 2012 at 12:42amApr '11
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
Guruforhire
As libertarian as I am, I am all about keeping taboos because it keeps the things that must be done to be kinky within safe territory. Normalizing....
This is seriously a subject of concern that worries me greatly. I dont want small girls mixing sex and violence cocktails they arent ready for. Somethings should seriously be left in the hands of trained professionals. ·
I agree; it's a hard area to know what to do. I can't imagine legislation helping, but I really, truly, don't want blood-letting, cupping, age-play, and the like becoming too mainstream.
On a personal level, I think that both my wife and I benefited from friendships with people at the fringes which formed clear "this road is not one I want to travel down" signs. Polyamory and excessive sluttiness are similarly social diseases that form their own vaccines.
Much as the sexual revolution burned itself out fast amongst the educated classes (see Coming Apart), I can't help but feel that this will, too. Unfortunately, as the death of marriage marks the less fortunate still, I'd be surprised if the next poor generation wasn't scarred by sexual horrors.
Jun '10
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
Nathaniel Wright: "In the age of post-feminism, women do not want to hook up. They want love."
Isn't this what women have always wanted? Isn't this what the human soul actually calls out for?
I say yes. As to the book and the TV show, all I can say is "yuck": two more nails in the culture's coffin.
May '10
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
I still wish that, pace Charlie, the nice "boyfriend", some female would explain why women tend to be wildly attracted to "bad boys", and treat the good guys so badly. My daughter told me that sometimes she is embarrassed when in all female groups and hears how wives talk about their (pretty decent, to outside observation) husbands.
This is not a made-up phenomenon.
Dec '10
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
One of the side effects of gray hair is noticing that life is starting to pass you by. So when did that old fashion notion of "sex, drugs and rock n' roll" lose the culture war. Back then life was a lot less complicated and pretty straight forward. Something all conservatives intuitively know to be true ... "old school" is hard to improve on.
Dec '11
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
James Of England
Guruforhire
As libertarian as I am, I am all about keeping taboos because it keeps the things that must be done to be kinky within safe territory. Normalizing....
This is seriously a subject of concern that worries me greatly. I dont want small girls mixing sex and violence cocktails they arent ready for. Somethings should seriously be left in the hands of trained professionals. ·
I agree; it's a hard area to know what to do. I can't imagine legislation helping, but I really, truly, don't want blood-letting, cupping, age-play, and the like becoming too mainstream.
I dont want legislation either, I just want more good faith social apparatuses to keep the perverted perverted, preferably by the people who engage in them. I think Mr. Slave on south park expressed this perfectly in the episode "stupid spoiled whore video playset."
Jan '11
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
Emily Esfahani Smith:
That thing that goes beyond politics is called human nature.
I had a conversation with an otherwise smart, educated girlfriend a few weeks ago who was absolutely on fire over Fifty Shades of Grey. She compared it to her own lackluster married love life and her sexually passive husband. My theory: this is about human nature, specifically female human nature, but not of the too-much-sexual-freedom type. The reason educated modern women swoon over Fifty Shades of Grey and Marnie is repulsed by her boyfriend is because of something else we've been missing in our culture: the clearly defined roles of men and women. As much as feminism has attempted to program it out, and political correctness tries to keep it out, most women still naturally desire men of strength, leadership, and prowess. The bedroom is no exception. The popularity of media depicting dominant men mistreating willing women may be a perverted expression of that innate programming.
Dec '11
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
Evil has such a good PR agent. It is made to look hip and cool. Fiction can be interesting and exciting but it rarely shares the downsides. James Bond of fiction would either have about 10 children from various women or spreading AIDS as he is saving the world. DocJay made a good point that when people play they pay the consequences.
There is the medical term toleration. It is when the body gets accustomed to a drug where more of the drug is needed to get the same effect. In the same way people are going to the abnormal to get the same kick. Over time like with drug addiction it controls a person's life and will destroy it.
For many people what was once considered a normal life is now unattainable. They are reaping what they sow. Like bungee jumping without a bungee it is exciting and all okay till the jump ends and then it is not pretty.
May '11
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
I don't know enough about Camille Paglia to know where she is or whether or not we need her, but I think Woody Allen had prescient knowledge of post-feminism sex. At the conclusion to Annie Hall he ends with this old joke: This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says "Doc, my brother's crazy,he thinks he a chicken. And, uh, the doctor says "Well, why, don't you turn him in?" The guy says "I would but I need the eggs". Well I guessthat's pretty much how I feel about relationships; y'know they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd and.....but, uh, I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us.... need the eggs.
Edited on April 20, 2012 at 1:54amMay '10
Re: Sex in the Age of Post-Feminism
In a movie mood...