Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Being 26--which is apparently the age the average American woman marries for the first time--I have a lot of virtual friends getting anxious about their love lives. The links they share are amusing.
One web article, "How to Ditch Happily-Ever-After and Build Your Own Romantic Narrative," attempts to explain why emancipated feminists still find themselves craving conventional romantic experiences. Here's the conclusion:
I’ve had enough experience with the traditional romantic narrative to know that the husband, kids, and picket fence scenario is not for me. But I still carry around this confusing emotional investment in these big romantic stories that have seemingly little application to how I actually want to live my life. Then, I read a study about what happens to your brain when you get drunk, and everything started to make a lot more sense. The study found that the higher a person’s blood alcohol level, the more conservative their thinking became—it didn't matter whether the drinker identified as liberal or conservative while sober. When drunk, their thought processes became streamlined—they reached for the simpler narrative, not the nuanced one. Related research has found that liberals start to think more like conservatives at times when they're particularly distracted or overwhelmed. The same can be said for our romantic thinking. These big universal tropes catch hold of us when we get stressed, tired, sick, older.
Ah, yes. The desire to be loved in a secure and stable way is just a nasty vestigial instinct that creeps up on us when we let our guard down. Like being conservative--it's for the drunk and confused.
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Aug '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
My gosh, with all those narratives, arcs, tropes and stories, I'm surprised she can get to the grocery store and back, much less manage a meaningful relationship. Some money quotes: "one of my life goals is to be close to other people, but not to get tied down to them" [good luck with that] and
"[w]e set out trying to live an unconventional life" [wow, that's some goal]. Here's an insight: Quit trying to occupy deviant narratives with your own meaning (paraphrasing a bit there), and try living instead.
Jul '10
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
You go, girl! Dump that narrative on his head! Occupy to escape those traps!
Wait. What? I don't know if getting wasted makes one more conservative, it doesn't often improve writing.
Aug '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Agree on the writing, Palaeologus. The most striking impression I came away from the article with was a sad detachment from life, of looking at one's life from the outside just to poke it with a stick and see what twitches. I reflect on my highly-circumscribed life to help my writing group construct better narratives. The first time I read through, I thought it was a howler from start to finish. The second time through, I just thought it was beyond sad.
May '10
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Apparently I've been drunk and confused for over 32 years. Loved, secure, stable, and conservative; no wonder life seems so pleasant. I've just had a long-running buzz. May I never sober up.
Exactly my reaction.
Edited on April 28, 2012 at 6:59amMay '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
When liberals get drunk, their facade drops and they start sounding stupid and phobic. Which, to them, is the perception of how conservatives think. This perception can be maintained only because they do not know any actual conservatives. It would never ever occur to them that when they get drunk, they start sounding more like what they really are. Just like everyone else who gets drunk.
Apr '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Is it wrong to be so much in love with a girl, that you can't tell her voice from the spinnin' of the world?
Let me introduce you to John Stewart.
(It's possible he - or his lawyers - will object to this deliberately low-fidelity copy. I'll take down the link immediately if that's the case. And then all you can do is seek out the original album.)
Jun '10
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Romance has a language and these people don't speak it. There is a style, a context, and a set of assumptions that allow people to communicate romantically. This naturally evolves into something more practical if the relationship lasts. But it is essential to bonding to have the conversation reinforce some of the mystery, chemistry, and sublime risk in the early stages. The language of postmodern academia is far too cynical. The language of Oprah and Dr Phil is an express ride to the seven year itch. I have a very dear relative with just this problem. And it is sad. The protagonist in the song "I don't speak Love" clearly does speak it when it counts, however.
Jun '10
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
From The Radiators:
I Can Feel Love
I Can See Love
I Don't Speak Love
I Sure Need Your Love
Willie Said Now Honey
I Know I've been A Fool
I'm Distant and I'm Arrogant
And Stubborn As a Mule
I Want To Be a Better Man
And Take Good Care Of You
If You Could Find It in Your Heart
To Help Us See This Through
I Can Feel Love
I Can See Love
I Don't Speak Love
I Sure Need Your Love
What A Price I'll Pay
To Spend My Life This Way
I Can't Take This Pain
When Every Heartbeat Calls Your Name
Gertie Looked Him in the Eye
And Said Boy You Are a Mess
Don't Try To Find an Eloquence
You Never Can Posses
Willie Held Her in His Arms
And Whispered In Her Ear
I Just Need To Learn to Say the Words
You Long To Hear
Edited on April 28, 2012 at 3:48pmApr '12
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
True Love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fAZIQ-vpdw&feature=autoplay&list=ULgosY-UrpHcA&playnext=8
no wine needed
Edited on April 28, 2012 at 6:02pm