Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Being 26--which is apparently the age the average American woman marries for the first time--I have a lot of virtual friends getting anxious about their love lives. The links they share are amusing.
One web article, "How to Ditch Happily-Ever-After and Build Your Own Romantic Narrative," attempts to explain why emancipated feminists still find themselves craving conventional romantic experiences. Here's the conclusion:
I’ve had enough experience with the traditional romantic narrative to know that the husband, kids, and picket fence scenario is not for me. But I still carry around this confusing emotional investment in these big romantic stories that have seemingly little application to how I actually want to live my life. Then, I read a study about what happens to your brain when you get drunk, and everything started to make a lot more sense. The study found that the higher a person’s blood alcohol level, the more conservative their thinking became—it didn't matter whether the drinker identified as liberal or conservative while sober. When drunk, their thought processes became streamlined—they reached for the simpler narrative, not the nuanced one. Related research has found that liberals start to think more like conservatives at times when they're particularly distracted or overwhelmed. The same can be said for our romantic thinking. These big universal tropes catch hold of us when we get stressed, tired, sick, older.
Ah, yes. The desire to be loved in a secure and stable way is just a nasty vestigial instinct that creeps up on us when we let our guard down. Like being conservative--it's for the drunk and confused.
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Jan '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
In vino veritas.
Dec '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
So wait, getting blasted will innoculate me against shallow and silly sophisms?
Who wants to come over for a drink?
Edited on April 27, 2012 at 8:00pmJun '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Gotta love the blast on "older" people too. If old people act more conservatively, it's because their brains just aren't up to the task anymore (like the sick, the tired), not of course because they have had fuller life experiences and more time to come to their conclusions.
Edited on April 27, 2012 at 8:01pmAug '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
I just love these studies conducted by liberals that always find conservatives stupid.
Mar '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
hmmm... I'm really not sure what to make of this... I've never been to a club where drunk people became more conservative but I have seen them become vastly more romantic... perhaps there's a flaw here.
Apr '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
I used to be a liberal, but one day a bird distracted me and WHAM! I voted for Bush. Haven't been the same since.
Dec '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Of course they agree with us when they're drunk. It takes a lot of mental energy to suppress all common sense.
Edited on April 27, 2012 at 9:02pmFeb '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Leftists are in favor of "nuance" when talking about, say, the Taliban or the Iranian leadership. When they're talking about American political opponents, it's straight black-and-white, along the lines of what the interrogator said in Koestler's "Darkness at Noon"..
What is presented as right must shine like gold; what is presented as wrong must be black as pitch. For consumption by the masses, the political process must be coloured like ginger-bread figures at a fair.
May '10
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Does this author by chance attempt an explanation of the variant phenomenon of late Senator Edward M. Kennedy? I'd love to see someone try to square that circle.
Aug '10
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
This post reminds me of "The Chump Effect" by Andrew Ferguson.
Aug '10
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
"Romance is for people who cannot think clearly."
Seems to me that this statement gets the causal relationship backwards.
Sep '10
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Operative words married "for the first time".
I'm afraid romance is a lot like alcohol, but it has nothing to do with conservatism. Marriage is conservative, romance is for dreamers. Happy marriages that last is for really big dreamers. Some dreams come true though.
Mar '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Hmm, so the author of this missive is unhappy in her love life and she has determined that because others do not share her unhappiness there is something wrong with them; do I have that right?
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
A treasure trove, that article:
"For long-term singles like us, constructing jokes around the #foreveralone hashtag helps recode activities society sees as lonely and pathetic to ones we see as lonely and awesome."
I can't tell you how many times I've been home with wife and child, looking out where a picket fence might be, and wish I could recode activities based on recontextualizing twitter hashtags. It says something that even her recoding ended up with something that's "lonely," albeit "awesome."
Also:
"Six months after my ex and I broke up, I came down with the flu. Tired and weak, I could feel my own personal narrative receding—"
Never get involved with someone who's always checking the proximity of their own personal narrative. They're already seeing someone else.
Jun '10
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
It just goes to prove that old saying: "a bird in the head is worth two votes for Bush."
Apr '12
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
The "romantic narrative" is an irritatingly juvenile way of describing marriage. Ha...romantic! I have been on my marathon of "romance" over a couple of decades and the romance is a small part of the greater relationship. That is my fault as what is romance anyway?
Too many Hollywood movies have confused the writer of the article - as a cure, I recommend a few glasses of wine and time with a red blooded male.
Jan '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
"I’ve had enough experience with the traditional romantic narrative to know that the husband, kids, and picket fence scenario is not for me."
It's like the old Far Side cartoon: How Nature Says Don't Touch.
Jul '10
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Of course liberals sound more like conservatives when they're drunk. Try pronouncing "pseudo-functionalist heteronormative consciousness" when you've had a few.
Oct '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
Obviously the growing up scenario is not for her either. I'm in my late 20s, and I wonder where someone like this gets the time to think these kinds of things. Personally, what with working, running several businesses, and health and financial issues with friends and family, I would like to spend time lying around a group house or whatever thinking about personal narratives, whatever that means. Needing someone to bring you hot beverages when sick is like wanting to have your mommy with you all the time.
Mar '11
Re: Romance Is For People Who Don't Think Clearly
A rather sad phrase. There was once a time when it would have been redundant.