Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
This is something of a belated response to Emily Esfahani Smith's piece last week: Three Cheers for Glamour's "30 Things".
I am raising 4 girls (ages 3 to 11 as of this writing), and have been keeping a mental checklist of sorts since they were born of the essential life skills I think they should have before they turn 21. This list is not in any particular order, but it does contain those skills I think they'll need and want as they face the world, either single or married. What's on your list? What am I missing?
Don't be turned off by the first few visible, scroll through the whole list.
Housekeeping:
1. Know how to cook without a cookbook - great for when your pantry is skint, or you've got an unexpected party on your hands.
2. Know how to remove stains from clothes - keeps your wardrobe in good repair longer.
3. Know how to repair your clothes - you might not like sewing, but at least know how to fix things.
4. Know how to plunger a toilet - saves calls to the plumber, makes you look like a hero in your dorm, apartment, etc.
5. Know how to keep your residence clean.
6. Know how to make basic household repairs (Mom already sets a good example here, she installed our new dishwasher while I was at work).
7. Be able to identify, describe the function of, and proficiently use a standard tool set (socket set, crescent wrench, vise grips, box wrench, hammer, pliers, cutters, screwdrivers, saw, etc). They will each leave home with a starter set.
Life Skills
8. Know how to put 10 consecutive pistol shots in a 10" target at 25 feet
9. Know how to put 10 consecutive medium-calibre rifle shots in a target at 100 yards
10. Know how to hit a clay (or real bird) with a shotgun.
11. Know how to strip and clean your rifle, your shotgun, and your pistol (they'll leave home with one of each).
12. Know how to reload your own ammo.
13. Know how to throw a punch
14. Know how to take a punch and keep going
Family Relations
15. Know how to disagree with your mother in a firm but civil way.
16. Know how to spot and counter emotional blackmail.
17. Know how to listen to your family's advice, even when you don't agree.
Travel
18. Know how to drive with a manual transmission.
19. Know how to change a tire.
20. Know how to change the oil.
21. Know how to jump a dead battery.
22. Know how to spot BS from a mechanic.
23. Know how to navigate by map and compass.
Adventure
24. Know how to go camping in a tent.
25. Know how to remain level-headed when your adventure wasn't expected.
26. Know how to start an adventure.
Workplace
27. Know how to take constructive criticism.
28. Know how to work around people to get your job done.
29. Know how set goals, and how to recognize BS goals from others
30. Know how to fail and get up again.
I could switch some of these out for others.
What would you add or change?
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Comments:
May '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I'm am encouraged reading comments of parents, especially dads. My father was short on giving life skills, but long on handing out big doses of guilt and shame. Growing up, I was jealous of girl friends who had nurturing and supportive fathers, but I'm grateful that I was able to observe what appropriate father-daughter relationships look like.
I'm surprised no one has yet mentioned the importance of being able to care for a young child, since many daughters will become mothers. I babysat a lot as a teen, and the experience taught me a lot about responsibility. There's a lot to be said for maternal instinct, but it helps to have some familiarity. I didn't have much occasion to care for kids after 21 until I had children myself. It also helped when I realized - shortly after our first child was born - that my sweet husband knew next to nothing about babies. He's a pro now, though.
I'm a mom to 3 boys, and even though my eldest is 6, I have a framed copy of Kipling's "If" in their rooms. I want each of them to commit it to memory.
Aug '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Stanley Crawford's "Some Instructions to My Wife Concerning the Upkeep of the House and Marriage, and to My Son and Daughter Concerning the Conduct of Their Childhood" (1978) is invaluable.
From to his daughter:
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I sent this thread to my 11 year-old daughter, who added her own input, to wit:
May '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I've got most of those done, except the firearms, living in Japan, that was nut not in the cards.
Great list!
Apr '12
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
David Odell, sweet story.The time of women being the housekeeping expert and keeping the secrets of the house are over. This is the crux of the Hilary Rosen fight. Women are told get to the workplace and that raising children, keeping a home and having a respectful family is no longer a way to spend your life. It is not like a paid job. The rage from Rosen's side is that women want to spend the time with their little ones but know they will not get the attention and respect they crave. They are also jealous that a great looking guy like Romney is a faithful husband who returns home. The ultimate luxury is to have five children and stay home. It is seen that you are either on welfare, like Ocotomum, or a member of a very exclusive club.Also, when you watch TV, there are few male role models being faithful husbands returning home at night and enjoying it. If I had daughters, I would be focused on getting them life skills to look after themselves. It is sad that possibility of divorce is the elephant in the room when reading this lovely list.
Sep '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Responsibility:
Transportation:
Clothing:
Sep '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Relationships:
The antithesis of #1: real love is not predicated on your being a hot little sex toy. The question of love is this:
"is this the man who will cradle me in his arms, surrounded by our grandchildren, when I breathe my last?"
For the record, I have three daughters, two of whom are married.
My father was an Air Force pilot who was killed before I was born--so I've more or less made up the rules of fatherhood as I've gone along.
Dec '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
My suggestion falls under the category of social skills. Teach your daughters the definition of the following words: offside, illegal procedure, blitz, and hang time. My sports-enamoured father dragged me along to every football, hockey, baseball and basketball game he attended (and there were many) from the time I was a pre-schooler. I have always appreciated the education.
Nov '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Most important one of all:
Relationships:
1) Understand the truth of the adage, "Why buy the cow, if you can get the milk for free," and walk away from non-buyers.
Nov '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Many good things in your list, Skip; a few I would swap for other things. But it made me sad, remembering a big ambition I had when my kids were young, almost none of which I fulfilled in my years of parenting (my son is married off and my daughter is still at home, but already a young woman of 20).
I had in mind developing a "Curriculum for raising children in the 21st century", very much like the curriculum you find in schools, complete with "this shall be learned when they are 4. That shall be learned when they are 5". Plus standard equipment that goes along with it. On their birthdays children receive their "supplies" for the next year -- all of which are things they should keep for a lifetime. When they turn 6, for example, they might receive a basic screwdriver set and hammer, a basic mixer with attachments, a good set of hiking boots, a simple garden spade, a laundry basket, an iron, a first cookbook and a world atlas (partial list). In a sense the specifics are arbitrary -- the idea is to deliberately equip them for life in a way that's lost nowadays.
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I've had much the same thoughts and plans - books I want to them to carry off, tools, appliances, practical things...
My list fluctuates a bit, but I've got a few consitent things:
Set of tools, pistol, rifle, shotgun, Bible, Joy of Cooking, manual of home repair, Cultural Amnesia by Clive James, and a few other intangible things...
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
To all and sundry who have suggested their own additions and subtractions,
Thank you. In light of the suggestions contained I will make adjustments. I was reminded of things best not forgotten, and directed towards some new goals besides.
Nov '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I'm going to jump in late on this one:
I think the only thing you should change is the gender specificity of the title of the list. That list is awesome basic life skills that every person needs for adult hood, regardless of gender.
There's no reason a boy shouldn't be taught how to cook, keep house or properly wash clothes.
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Good point, though this was intended as something of a counterpoint to the Glamour article cited last week by Emily.
Fred Cole: I'm going to jump in late on this one:
I think the only thing you should change is the gender specificity of the title of the list. That list is awesome basic life skills that every person needs for adult hood, regardless of gender.
There's no reason a boy shouldn't be taught how to cook, keep house or properly wash clothes. · 11 hours ago