Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
This is something of a belated response to Emily Esfahani Smith's piece last week: Three Cheers for Glamour's "30 Things".
I am raising 4 girls (ages 3 to 11 as of this writing), and have been keeping a mental checklist of sorts since they were born of the essential life skills I think they should have before they turn 21. This list is not in any particular order, but it does contain those skills I think they'll need and want as they face the world, either single or married. What's on your list? What am I missing?
Don't be turned off by the first few visible, scroll through the whole list.
Housekeeping:
1. Know how to cook without a cookbook - great for when your pantry is skint, or you've got an unexpected party on your hands.
2. Know how to remove stains from clothes - keeps your wardrobe in good repair longer.
3. Know how to repair your clothes - you might not like sewing, but at least know how to fix things.
4. Know how to plunger a toilet - saves calls to the plumber, makes you look like a hero in your dorm, apartment, etc.
5. Know how to keep your residence clean.
6. Know how to make basic household repairs (Mom already sets a good example here, she installed our new dishwasher while I was at work).
7. Be able to identify, describe the function of, and proficiently use a standard tool set (socket set, crescent wrench, vise grips, box wrench, hammer, pliers, cutters, screwdrivers, saw, etc). They will each leave home with a starter set.
Life Skills
8. Know how to put 10 consecutive pistol shots in a 10" target at 25 feet
9. Know how to put 10 consecutive medium-calibre rifle shots in a target at 100 yards
10. Know how to hit a clay (or real bird) with a shotgun.
11. Know how to strip and clean your rifle, your shotgun, and your pistol (they'll leave home with one of each).
12. Know how to reload your own ammo.
13. Know how to throw a punch
14. Know how to take a punch and keep going
Family Relations
15. Know how to disagree with your mother in a firm but civil way.
16. Know how to spot and counter emotional blackmail.
17. Know how to listen to your family's advice, even when you don't agree.
Travel
18. Know how to drive with a manual transmission.
19. Know how to change a tire.
20. Know how to change the oil.
21. Know how to jump a dead battery.
22. Know how to spot BS from a mechanic.
23. Know how to navigate by map and compass.
Adventure
24. Know how to go camping in a tent.
25. Know how to remain level-headed when your adventure wasn't expected.
26. Know how to start an adventure.
Workplace
27. Know how to take constructive criticism.
28. Know how to work around people to get your job done.
29. Know how set goals, and how to recognize BS goals from others
30. Know how to fail and get up again.
I could switch some of these out for others.
What would you add or change?
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Comments:
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Love the list and am thankful that my Dad taught me some of these skills -- there is nothing like having the confidence and ability to change your own tire, alone, on the side of the road if you need to.
Jul '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
We've colluded to suggest the following items (in no particular order):
On that note...
-C and E
Oct '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
F. Scott Fitzgerald in a similar vein.
Sep '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Diane Ellis, Ed.: Under family relations or life skills I'd add: learn to ask for forgiveness when you've wronged someone, and to extend forgiveness and let go of grudges when someone has wronged you.
It's a tough one to learn and practice, and doesn't come naturally to all that many people. · 55 minutes ago
I didn't think your family's dog would eat the marijuana brick. Honest.
Jul '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Here are a couple more to add to the list.
Learn and practice good manners. Civil behavior is the grease that makes civilization and relationships run smoothly.
Learn basic finance skills. You should be able to balance a check book, balance a budget and understand a loan.
Learn how to be self sufficient, to make decisions, to stand on your own. While it is desirable to have a good partner there will be times in your life when this will not be so or times that you must stand strong while your partner falters.
Develop a good work ethic. In order to be successful in life you will have to work, it will be easier to be successful if you come to terms with this, embrace it, develop the skills to manage it.
Jul '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
18. Know how to drive with a manual transmission.
Until this year I would have laughed at this one, I love manual transmissions but don't find them available in the cars I shop anymore. But I ran into a client who hires for some very interesting jobs and not only requires you to claim you can drive a standard, but you have to demonstrate same before you make the payroll.
23. Know how to navigate by map and compass.
Also how to navigate without, in unfamiliar territory.
25. Know how to remain level-headed when your adventure wasn't expected.
Not to quibble, but I always thought it was at most a lark if it was expected. Adventures start when it all goes pear shaped.
A good list. Best of luck with that.
Jun '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Remember that nothing is ever as good or bad as it might currently seem.
Nov '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
What a wonderful post and a fine series of comments. I concur with all.
My three daughters are now in their 'forties and I love to distraction and am immensely proud of all of them. I would, however, doing it over, stress the financial responsibilities a bit more.
May '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Skipsul - Just remember one thing: Guns Don't Kill People... Fathers with good looking daughters do!
Jan '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Awesome post.
3 to 11 huh, remember, no plan survives first contact with age 13-17.
Apr '12
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Not criscizing your list, merely trying to understand - is it wise to encourage a daughter to be proficient in fisticuffs?
I'm thinking along these lines - "Graveyards are full of meddling swordsman. Better to be no swordsman at all than a meddling one." - Octavian
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I probably should have added to avoid violence as a rule, but know when to break that rule (those times are rare). A bully in 6th grade ceased to single me out after I laid him flat.
Liberty Dude: Not criscizing your list, merely trying to understand - is it wise to encourage a daughter to be proficient in fisticuffs?
I'm thinking along these lines - "Graveyards are full of meddling swordsman. Better to be no swordsman at all than a meddling one." - Octavian · 1 minute ago
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I know, I know, but a man can hope.
Yeah...ok.: Awesome post.
3 to 11 huh, remember, no plan survives first contact with age 13-17. · 11 minutes ago
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I need that on a bumper sticker.
May '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I'd say most of the list is excellent. But your "Life Skills" category is, in my opinion, worse than useless. I am a former US Army Infantry Officer and can do all those things (or at least could in my prime) and I own a number of fire arms both short and long. In my entire life, save the Army, I have never HAD to use any of those skills. I have had fun using some of them, but would never have missed anything important if I hadn't gone trap shooting. But Financial Skills, Interpersonal Relational Skills, understanding Economics, understanding US Political Institutions, Principles of Investing, all of those are more important on a practical daily basis than anything on your list. My own one-sentence mission statement for parenting is: "To raise competent, confident decision makers." Competent so they will make good decisions. Confident so that, having made a good decision, they can withstand peer pressure and criticism. Fulfill that one, single sentence and everything else takes care of itself.
May '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
By the way, I am the father of two daughters, and a son, and have three granddaughters, and three grandsons.
Apr '12
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Diane Ellis, Fake John Galt and Tom Lindholtz posts are top priority for raising women. I think Charlotte added finances too? Your list fits raising boys. I am in an all male household and my sons cook, wash their own clothes, etc. My husband said our sons could not be considered men until they each shot a buck, field dressed it, cooked it and served it for dinner. Languages are for those with the right type of brain. My one son tried to get through French which is mandatory and after 12 years if instruction can barely say Oui. Complete waste of time for his math brain.Love a list for raising boys.
Nov '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
When raising my children I neglected too much of what is on your excellent list, but they were taught something about physical health and how it is attained, as well as how to deal with illness, knowledge that is important to both sexes, but especially to women. I'd add basic knowledge of first aid, too. And under housekeeping, I'd add "Know how to iron a shirt."
May '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Forget changing oil. Environmental laws are too onerous to make that practical. Buy synthetic oil and change it every 15 to 30 thousand miles. Synthetic oil doesn't break down and is essentially good indefinitely, but no one likes to admit that.
Apr '12
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
My friend,
Appreciate the clarification. I support your plan 100%, sadly public school zero tolerance policies are more about conformity & obedience, rather than encouraging the important milestone of standing up to the bully and winning. I have always thought that in the development of an independent & effective individual, it is an essential experience. The builles don't stop in high school....
Anyway, best of luck to you with your 4 lovely daughters.
skipsul: I probably should have added to avoid violence as a rule, but know when to break that rule (those times are rare). A bully in 6th grade ceased to single me out after I laid him flat.
Liberty Dude: Not criscizing your list, merely trying to understand - is it wise to encourage a daughter to be proficient in fisticuffs?
I'm thinking along these lines - "Graveyards are full of meddling swordsman. Better to be no swordsman at all than a meddling one." - Octavian · 1 minute ago
47 minutes ago