Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
This is something of a belated response to Emily Esfahani Smith's piece last week: Three Cheers for Glamour's "30 Things".
I am raising 4 girls (ages 3 to 11 as of this writing), and have been keeping a mental checklist of sorts since they were born of the essential life skills I think they should have before they turn 21. This list is not in any particular order, but it does contain those skills I think they'll need and want as they face the world, either single or married. What's on your list? What am I missing?
Don't be turned off by the first few visible, scroll through the whole list.
Housekeeping:
1. Know how to cook without a cookbook - great for when your pantry is skint, or you've got an unexpected party on your hands.
2. Know how to remove stains from clothes - keeps your wardrobe in good repair longer.
3. Know how to repair your clothes - you might not like sewing, but at least know how to fix things.
4. Know how to plunger a toilet - saves calls to the plumber, makes you look like a hero in your dorm, apartment, etc.
5. Know how to keep your residence clean.
6. Know how to make basic household repairs (Mom already sets a good example here, she installed our new dishwasher while I was at work).
7. Be able to identify, describe the function of, and proficiently use a standard tool set (socket set, crescent wrench, vise grips, box wrench, hammer, pliers, cutters, screwdrivers, saw, etc). They will each leave home with a starter set.
Life Skills
8. Know how to put 10 consecutive pistol shots in a 10" target at 25 feet
9. Know how to put 10 consecutive medium-calibre rifle shots in a target at 100 yards
10. Know how to hit a clay (or real bird) with a shotgun.
11. Know how to strip and clean your rifle, your shotgun, and your pistol (they'll leave home with one of each).
12. Know how to reload your own ammo.
13. Know how to throw a punch
14. Know how to take a punch and keep going
Family Relations
15. Know how to disagree with your mother in a firm but civil way.
16. Know how to spot and counter emotional blackmail.
17. Know how to listen to your family's advice, even when you don't agree.
Travel
18. Know how to drive with a manual transmission.
19. Know how to change a tire.
20. Know how to change the oil.
21. Know how to jump a dead battery.
22. Know how to spot BS from a mechanic.
23. Know how to navigate by map and compass.
Adventure
24. Know how to go camping in a tent.
25. Know how to remain level-headed when your adventure wasn't expected.
26. Know how to start an adventure.
Workplace
27. Know how to take constructive criticism.
28. Know how to work around people to get your job done.
29. Know how set goals, and how to recognize BS goals from others
30. Know how to fail and get up again.
I could switch some of these out for others.
What would you add or change?
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Comments:
Apr '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Know how to keep track of and pay your own bills on time.
In fact, Financial Matters might need to be a whole additional category.
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Be sure to tell dad when you are bringing over a boyfriend for the first time so he can be doing a little light arsenal maintenance. :)
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I had to pick only 30, and the kids kept interrupting me. Good advice though, should be on any revised list.
Charlotte: Know how to keep track of and pay your own bills on time.
In fact, Financial Matters might need to be a whole additional category. · 7 minutes ago
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I have a plan for this involving the sharpening of an old hunting Parang from Borneo. Sort of a cross between a machete and a meat cleaver...
Aug '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Having just this afternoon changed my oil, AND my air filter, AND rotated the tires on my standard-transmission Echo which has jumper cables in the trunk, I have to chime in with something, so let it be this: know a foreign language. Any foreign language. How well? Well enough to sing in it.
This is an absolutely splendid list. Even though it makes me feel bad I got rid of my sewing machine years ago.
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I don't know how to do any of these things!
Jun '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
That is a post in itself, and should be your automatic answer to anything. God bless you.
Edited on April 30, 2012 at 12:54amJun '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
skipsul:
16. Know how to spot and counter emotional blackmail.
Even given numbers 8-14, this is the most dangerous. You are creating complete human beings, you naughty man.
Dec '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
I've only raised one - she is 18 and about to graduate from HS. While I find your list highly practical, I believe you might be missing some points. Some of them a lot of girls have instinctively, but if they don't, they should work on them:
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Good points all, though the whole turning daddy to jello does veer towards the emotional blackmail bit.
The Great Adventure!: I've only raised one - she is 18 and about to graduate from HS. While I find your list highly practical, I believe you might be missing some points. Some of them a lot of girls have instinctively, but if they don't, they should work on them: · 9 minutes ago
Dec '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
True - maybe you should have worded it "Know how to spot, counter and use emotional blackmail.
skipsul: Good points all, though the whole turning daddy to jello does veer towards the emotional blackmail bit.
The Great Adventure!: I've only raised one - she is 18 and about to graduate from HS. While I find your list highly practical, I believe you might be missing some points. Some of them a lot of girls have instinctively, but if they don't, they should work on them: · 9 minutes ago
3 minutes ago
Jun '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
skipsul:
22. Know how to spot BS from a mechanic.
This is a tough one for anyone. I finally found a good shop, got to know the owner, let him know I would bring all my car repair problems to him so long as I could trust him. We have a 20+ year relationship.
I would add a couple of things:
- Be able to define the elements of the moral code that you live by, then live by that moral code to the best of your ability. If you fail, repent and keep trying.
Edited on April 30, 2012 at 1:21amMar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
tabula rasa
skipsul:
22. Know how to spot BS from a mechanic.
This is a tough one for anyone. I finally found a good shop, got to know the owner, let him know I would bring all my car repair problems to him so long as I could trust him. We have a 20+ year relationship.
I would add a couple of things: · 8 minutes ago
Edited 7 minutes ago
#22 is there because, while I think things are better today than of yore, women still are treated like idiots at many garages. Computer & electronics stores too.
Aug '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Provide a list of financial expectations: common costs for an apartment (utilities, etc.), owning a car (maintenance, insurance, gas, licensing) and taxes (personal, car, renters, etc.).
Jun '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
skipsul
tabula rasa
skipsul:
22. Know how to spot BS from a mechanic.
#22 is there because, while I think things are better today than of yore, women still are treated like idiots at many garages. Computer & electronics stores too. · 1 hour ago
True.
I didn't say it before, but I really like the list (especially the gun ones). Both my daughters (both grown-ups now) can shoot a gun. Reloading, I fear, is a bridge too far.
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Good one too - could add things like cell phone bills, clothing, and food too.
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
tabula rasa
skipsul
True.
I didn't say it before, but I really like the list (especially the gun ones). Both my daughters (both grown-ups now) can shoot a gun. Reloading, I fear, is a bridge too far. · 24 minutes ago
Thanks!
On reloading they help right now with the easy stuff - finding the brass when shooting, de-capping the brass back home, and keeping dad company.
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
Under family relations or life skills I'd add: learn to ask for forgiveness when you've wronged someone, and to extend forgiveness and let go of grudges when someone has wronged you.
It's a tough one to learn and practice, and doesn't come naturally to all that many people.
Mar '11
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
That's an uncommon skill in my family, thus all the more valuable. Certain relations have been known to hold grudges long long after the other parties were six feet under the clay.
Diane Ellis, Ed.: Under family relations or life skills I'd add: learn to ask for forgiveness when you've wronged someone, and to extend forgiveness and let go of grudges when someone has wronged you.
It's a tough one to learn and practice, and doesn't come naturally to all that many people. · 0 minutes ago
Jun '10
Re: Raising Daughters - Top 30 before 21
skipsul: That's an uncommon skill in my family, thus all the more valuable. Certain relations have been known to hold grudgeslong long after the other parties were six feet under the clay.
Diane Ellis, Ed.: Under family relations or life skills I'd add: learn to ask for forgiveness when you've wronged someone, and to extend forgiveness and let go of grudges when someone has wronged you.
It's a tough one to learn and practice, and doesn't come naturally to all that many people. · 0 minutes ago
16 minutes ago
Gilead by Marilynne Robinson is my favorite contemporary novel. In it, the wise narrator said this about our grudges:
Wise words.