Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
One of my best friends was born with a hyphenated name. A hyphenated name that goes back many centuries, that is. She couldn't wait to get rid of it upon marriage. Another friend, a deeply religious woman, mind you, retained her maiden name when she got married. I changed mine, but I didn't realize how difficult it would be. For one thing, I absolutely loved my maiden name (Ziegler) and was quite proud of it. For another, the bureaucracy surrounding a changed name is made even more difficult when you live in Washington, D.C. I told people my name was Hemingway for about three years before I actually changed it.
The New York Times has an article about what happens when you're raging against the patriarchal machine using last names. It goes through various feminist groupings and lesbian pairings and how folks have decided on names. We begin with the story author explaining the limited benefits of growing up with a manufactured hyphenated name. And then the downside:
The problem, of course, is that this naming practice is unsustainable. (Growing up, I constantly fielded the question, “What will you do if you marry someone else with two last names? Will your kids have four names?”) Like many of the baby boomers’ utopian impulses, it eventually had to run up against practical constraints.
We hear from a Planned Parenthood attorney who wasn't sure what combination of names to give her son. Some hyphenated males took different routes to naming their children. My favorite, though, is the invented last name. So a woman named Cora Stubbs-Dame and her female partner, surnamed Jeyapalan, created a new name -- Jeyadame -- when they brought a child into their union. They crowdsourced the name, by the way. On Facebook.
The Oregonian once ran a front-page story about a celebrity chef couple divorcing. Their surname, Hebberoy, was their own creation. One was a Hebb. One was a Pomeroy. I think he went back to his old name and she went back to her hers. That will show the man! Their child may have kept the new name.
I know names are a sensitive topic, but what strikes me about deviating from the conventional practice is how shortsighted and arrogant it is. I don't much care if you're from a culture that carries the mother's name down or the father's name. I do think we should be respectful of the practice of giving kids a name that connects them with their ancestors.
One interesting statistic from the article was that only 6% of married women do something other than take their husband's name ("meaning they kept their birth names, hyphenated with their husbands’ names, or pulled a Hillary Rodham Clinton").
It is interesting, though, that this hyphenated craze that began with Boomers died such a quick death. The kicker to this article speaks volumes about disrespecting both your ancestors and your children:
What did our parents expect us to do when we reached this stage of our lives? They trusted it would all work out somehow. As Ms. Segal-Reichlin’s parents told her, “We figured that was your problem.”
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Jun '10
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
Western Chauvinist
tabula rasa: ...
The only problem is if one marries a hard-core feminist who insists on "Smith-Smith," which itself will create confusion as to which Smith is which. · Nov 25 at 10:02am
Does "Smith-Squared" solve it, or is that too mathematical?
It would likely work, but I was promised there would be no math on Ricochet (David Berlinski excepted).
Mar '11
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
Golly, 'twould be folly for Dolly to marry Jolly and become Dolly Jolly. If Mr. Jolly drives a trolley in Raleigh and has a collie named Molly, with two daughters named Holley and Polly, imagine the jokes with his wits she must volley.
Edited on November 25, 2011 at 8:07pmJun '10
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
tabula rasa
Western Chauvinist
tabula rasa: ...
The only problem is if one marries a hard-core feminist who insists on "Smith-Smith," which itself will create confusion as to which Smith is which. · Nov 25 at 10:02am
Does "Smith-Squared" solve it, or is that too mathematical?
It would likely work, but I was promised there would be no math on Ricochet (David Berlinski excepted). · Nov 25 at 11:03am
Mary- Chris would make a fine name for your first daughter.
Jun '10
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
~Paules
tabula rasa
Western Chauvinist
tabula rasa: ...
The only problem is if one marries a hard-core feminist who insists on "Smith-Smith," which itself will create confusion as to which Smith is which. · Nov 25 at 10:02am
Does "Smith-Squared" solve it, or is that too mathematical?
It would likely work, but I was promised there would be no math on Ricochet (David Berlinski excepted). · Nov 25 at 11:03am
Mary- Chris would make a fine name for your first daughter. · Nov 25 at 11:46am
Ha Ha. Gonna have to be a granddaughter.
Edited on November 25, 2011 at 9:30pmNov '11
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
For another, the bureaucracy surrounding a changed name is made even more difficult when you live in Washington, D.C. I told people my name was Hemingway for about three years before I actually changed it.
Exactly the reason I chose to retain my maiden name! My husband and I were living in NYC at the time of our wedding and the thought of dealing with the DMV was simply too horrifying to contemplate.
Isn't this an Icelandic tradition as well? Bjarni??
Oct '11
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
Remember Lauren Bush (G.H.W.'s granddaughter) married David Lauren (Ralph's son) this summer? She's keeping her maiden name, apparently.
Nov '11
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
I would reckon so! (Great gossip; can't imagine how I missed it.)
May '11
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
Question: Is there a correlation between couples that keep separate last names and divorce rates? Do marriages where the wife takes her husbands last name as her only last name tend to last longer? Just curious.
Apr '11
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
The Portuguese way (or at least how it was a century or more ago) was for women to keep their own surnames at marriage. It makes doing genealogical research a piece of cake, compared to more northerly European cultures.
The downside to it was that people chose their own surnames, often drawing on grandparents' surnames or even religious surnames like Conceiçao or da Gloria. So unless you were a titled family, you usually didn't have the same surname as your parents.
It was even worse in the Philippines, where around 1850ish the governor sent out a decree saying "Pick a surname and pass it on to your children." A list of acceptable surnames was circulated, but since it had to be copied by hand, frequently the pages were split up and sent to different villages. Thus there are entire villages in the Philippines where everyone's last name starts with the same letter.
Dec '10
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
I know names are a sensitive topic, but what strikes me about deviating from the conventional practice is how shortsighted and arrogant it is.
I don't understand what makes this arrogant.
Aug '10
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
My wife is Singaporean, of the ethnic Chinese variety. In her culture, each keeps their surname and children adopt the surname of the father. Add to this the practice of those who convert to Christianity adopting a christian name as their 'go-by' name.
So, my mother-in-law doesn't share any name with her kids and only my brother-in-law has children with his surname.
The Mrs and I agreed on her adopting my last name (legally and socially in the US, socially in Singapore.) Our kids have an American first name, my last name and 3 middle names rendered in Mandarin and Teochiew.
The practice of fathers passing on their surname is what helps reduce the incidence of consanguinity in more traditional regions of China.
Oct '11
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
Freeven
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
I know names are a sensitive topic, but what strikes me about deviating from the conventional practice is how shortsighted and arrogant it is.
I don't understand what makes this arrogant. · Nov 25 at 5:52pm
Thinking that you know better than millions of other people. Or thinking that you can change tradition all by your lonesome.
Dec '10
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
Albert Arthur
Freeven
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
I know names are a sensitive topic, but what strikes me about deviating from the conventional practice is how shortsighted and arrogant it is.
I don't understand what makes this arrogant. · Nov 25 at 5:52pm
Thinking that you know better than millions of other people. Or thinking that you can change tradition all by your lonesome.
That's reading an awful lot into a personal preference. I'm not a fan of hyphenated names because I find them awkward, but that's my problem, and I don't assume people who create them do so out of arrogance. It strikes me as more arrogant to condemn the practice as such than to engage in it.
Aug '10
Re: Rage Against The Patriarchal Naming Machine
Albert Arthur
Freeven
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
I know names are a sensitive topic, but what strikes me about deviating from the conventional practice is how shortsighted and arrogant it is.
I don't understand what makes this arrogant. · Nov 25 at 5:52pm
Thinking that you know better than millions of other people. Or thinking that you can change tradition all by your lonesome. · Nov 25 at 7:54pm
Conventional practice where? Knowing better than which millions of people?
I would argue, Albert, that if you are going by the quantities of people involved then the Chinese method (each keeps their surname, children adopt the surname of the father) is the way you should go.
Oh and it has been in practice longer too.
Or we can just keep our noses out of other's business altogether.
I sure do like the Times condemning a practice as 'unsustainable' when they can't even account for the length of time it has been in practice. Maybe they will figure out the same for government, eventually.
Edited on November 28, 2011 at 3:06am