Public Policy Jokes
The Obama administration recently posted a rule on Accountable Care Organizations that takes an interesting concept for saving money in health care and makes it nearly unworkable and almost completely incomprehensible. I just posted an item at the Weekly Standard's site highlighting some of the jokes that have arisen about ACOs and the new rule, such as the true meaning of ACO: awesome consulting opportunity. But the effort made me wonder about public policy jokes in general. The Soviet Union was a great source of policy jokes, often emanating from Soviet citizens themselves, such as the classic "we pretend to work; they pretend to pay us." The USSR is happily no more, but government ineptitude continues to provide endless opportunities for mockery. What are some of Ricochet readers' favorite policy-oriented jokes?
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Dec '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
My favorite Soviet joke was:
The Soviet Postal Service found that the new Brezhnev stamps were not sticking to envelopes. The Kremlin commissioned a study to determine the cause. The findings: half of the people were spitting on the wrong side of the stamp, and the other half were licking the backside so hard that all the glue came off.
As far as American public policy goes, Reagan's joke was best:
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, "I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help."
Re: Public Policy Jokes
My favorite Soviet joke:
Re: Public Policy Jokes
Diane Ellis, Ed.: My favorite Soviet joke:
Apr 12 at 12:29pm
Diane -- thanks for the laugh out loud joke. An oldie but a goodie.
Sep '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
Stuart Creque:
...
As far as American public policy goes, Reagan's joke was best:
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, "I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help." · Apr 12 at 12:25pm
On a related note, you have the three big lies:
1. The check is in the mail
2. I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
3. [omitted in compliance with Ricochet civility standards]
You can Google to find the last one if you don't know it. "I'll respect you in the morning" is the tame version.
Sep '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
Then there's always what the Soviet workers used to say:
"We pretend to work and they pretend to pay us."
The public employee unions are only halfway there: they pretend to work. Maybe we can pretend to pay them.
Jun '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
Does the "Affordable Care Act" count as a public policy joke?
Dec '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
With my thanks to the original author:
A Frenchman, a Brit, and a Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "they must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit." The Englishman says, "clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit." The Russian notes, "they are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."
Dec '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
I wonder if we can slip this past the CoC.
Nixon gets a call on the Red Phone from Brezhnev. "Comrade Richard," Brezhnev says, "we need your assistance with a very important matter. Our last Five Year Plan underestimated the virility of the Soviet man and the attractiveness of the Soviet woman, so we produced far too few condoms. Can you ship us ten million to tide us over?"
Nixon says, "Sure, Leonid. Our American factories can make anything, as much as you need."
"Splendid! Oh, and one more thing: these need to accommodate average Soviet man -- 25cm, or 10 of your inches."
"Will do," Nixon answers. "Have a nice day."
After the President hangs up, Haldeman asks, "Surely you're not serious about fulfilling his request, Mr. President?"
"Of course I'm serious," Nixon answers. "Get on it right away."
"Yes, Mr. President," Haldeman says.
"Oh, and H.R.," Nixon adds, "be sure the packaging is labeled, 'Size: Small.'"
Re: Public Policy Jokes
I like the Brezhnev one. The Reagan one is too close to the truth.
Stuart Creque: My favorite Soviet joke was:
The Soviet Postal Service found that the new Brezhnev stamps were not sticking to envelopes. The Kremlin commissioned a study to determine the cause. The findings: half of the people were spitting on the wrong side of the stamp, and the other half were licking the backside so hard that all the glue came off.
As far as American public policy goes, Reagan's joke was best:
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, "I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help." · Apr 12 at 12:25pm
Re: Public Policy Jokes
Stuart -- I heard the Nixon-Brezhnev joke with FDR and Stalin -- FDR had the product stamped "Texas medium"
Jun '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
This one is not a joke.
Me trying to get a replacement Medicare card for my elderly mother: "I have authority to act on behalf of my mother. I'm happy to provide you with a copy of the general power of attorney she signed that gives me that authority."
Federal bureaucrat: "I'm sorry, the federal government does not accept powers of attorney."
Five months later, after much pain and agony, I finally get the card.
Dec '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
"Employee Free Choice Act"
Oct '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
Beasley: With my thanks to the original author:
A Frenchman, a Brit, and a Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "they must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit." The Englishman says, "clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit." The Russian notes, "they are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise." · Apr 12 at 1:43pm
Welcome to the New Normal, far from amusing, save it will happen on local soil.
Oct '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
By they way, where is the new Will Rogers of political comedians ?
Likely before your days...
Feb '11
Re: Public Policy Jokes
An old professor of mine Professor Gregory Raymond would tell us Soviet Union jokes, this first one reminds me of Obama's "alternative energy" plan:
"Upon hearing that the U.S. beat the Soviet Union to the moon, Kruschev called an emergency meeting. He decided that the Soviet Union would beat the U.S. to landing on the sun; all of the men laughed at Kruschev, and told him it was impossible. He shushed them, and said, 'I'm not stupid, we will land at night.'"
"[A former Soviet citizen was back in the Soviet Union visiting in the 1980's.] He went to a fish market and asked for fish, the butcher said they were all out, the man wrote this down and went to the bakery, where he asked for a loaf of bread and was told that they were all out, he wrote this down and left the bakery. [At this point a large man was following him.] ...
Feb '11
Re: Public Policy Jokes
The man went into a market and asked for some corn, and he was told they were all out, he wrote this down too and left; the large man approached him to ask him what he was doing, he told the large Soviet man that he had a horrible memory and whenever his American wife would ask what it was like in the Soviet Union he couldn't remember, so he decided he would write it down for her this time. Enraged, the large Soviet man said, 'if Stalin were still alive you would be shot for this.' He then took out his notebook and wrote, 'out of bullets.'"
May '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
EU bailouts
A German, a Greek, an Irishman, and a Portuguese walk into a bar. The German pays.
On government in general
If it moves, they tax it. If it keeps moving, they regulate it. If it stops, they subsidize it.
Re: Public Policy Jokes
Not quite policy, but I had a wonderful political philosophy professor in college (a hardcore libertarian, I should note) who was fond of describing governing at the federal level as "The act of taking a dollar out of each of your pockets, then expecting you to be grateful when it throws two quarters in the middle of a room for all of you to fight over".
Jul '10
Re: Public Policy Jokes
When seconds matter, the police are only minutes away.
Re: Public Policy Jokes
Troy -- your joke counts, and is funny to boot.