President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
VISALIA, CA, November 1 -- To the cries of "We can't wait!" and "Do big things!", President Obama today announced a bold new executive order that will allocate trillions of dollars for the construction of a new national monument, sculpting the entire summit of Mount Whitney into the shape of President Obama's head.
The president's surprise announcement seemed to unnerve his GOP opponents on Capitol Hill, but it was greeted warmly by residents of the depressed region surrounding Fresno, CA. The president's speech was interrupted constantly by applause from the crowd, as well as shouts of "Let's nail this mountain!" from Vice President Biden, who brought a jackhammer to the podium and even hoisted it awkwardly above his head, to the visible annoyance of the President.
"I figure, lots of government got us into this mess, and lots more got to dig us out," reasoned Kaylee Kale of Porterville, California, an unemployed data liaison analysis facilitator major who came to hear the president.
Ms. Kale hopes to get a job--her first since earning her PhD.--in the vast, new Department of Monuments which will open offices in California and ten other states. Republicans, struggling to devise a message to counter the President's "monument momentum", have argued these states are all "deep-blue", and thus, the beneficiaries of "naked political payback".
"Underneath our clothes, we're all naked!", explained Vice President Biden in response. Unfortunately, the rest of his statement was overwhelmed by the sound of his jackhammer, which he held in a lewd manner. His spokesman, however, said the choice of states was based on extreme financial need. That they have been run by Democratic party machines for decades is "pure coincidence."
The monument's environmental impact study is expected to be completed in President Obama's lifetime.
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Comments :
Mar '11
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
Gee Fredosphere, this is the third posting of yours that make me wonder what kind of fire water you are imbibing....
PS how do you do that umlaut thing?
Edited on Nov 1, 2011 at 1:12pmMay '10
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
Mmmmm. It's fire. And water.
Hold down the ALT key and type 0246 on the keypad with NumLock on. Here's the complete list. I have memorized a few that I use frequently:
ö 0246
é 0233
ü 0252
© 0169
At this point, there's no point bothering to memorize 0128: € as it will be retired soon.
Edited on Nov 1, 2011 at 1:37pmDec '10
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
Fred, you're cracking me up here.
Jan '11
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
Invariably, on the first of each month, I read a single post worth the monthly fee.
Thanks½
I got out of analysis facilitating, it wasn't what I thought it would be.
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
Wonderful post. Sometimes the only way to cope with absurd realities is through satire.
Aug '10
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
I'm thinking Bullet Train Station C-store and Theme Park !! Sponsored rides : ACORN , SEIU , TrumkaTubeRide down the River Alph , think of the possibilities. Imagine the food court ! Do we call Corzine or CALPERS ?
Dec '10
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
I'm having uploading issues, but here's an artist's conception of the monument.
http://libertyfeatures.com/?p=3589
Oct '10
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
Nicely done. Looks like all that editing you talked about on another thread is paying off.
Oct '10
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
This is the best part.
Aug '10
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
Every time I see that picture, I swear I can see Obama's arm move just as Biden's mouth does.
Aug '10
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
We can't Waits..
Edited on Nov 1, 2011 at 7:28pmSep '11
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
I'm sure it says much about myself that it took me so long to get the satire here... but then again, it says much much more about this administration. Thanks for the laugh :)
Apr '11
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
The cohabitation of serious thought and free-floating satire on Ricochet is just delightful. And it speaks well of the moderators who have the cheek to move items like this to the main feed. This site is a force for good on many fronts.
Jun '10
Re: President Obama Announces Bold New Stimulus
Fredo, this is delightful. Thanks.
flownover, now that I read your sock puppet remark I have to admit it does look that way.