Piercing The Fog With A Non-Union Escort Service
If necessity is mother of invention, then adversity is the wellspring of salty language. So while negotiating through a thick fog of government and labor union ineptitude today, I lit my way through the darkness with fiery descriptions.
One of the government's responses to the 9/11 attacks was to beef up security at our ports. I’m not sure what ordeal ships must endure at port, but for the landlocked, it is a nightmare. My delivery today was to the Georgia Ports Authority, in Savannah, GA. Knowing that the port is a big place, and not having any directions on where exactly in that big place I was to go, I called the number provided.
Port Lady: “Georgia Ports Authority.”
Me: Yes Ma’am, I have a delivery to your location this afternoon, and need directions please. I’ll be traveling north from Jacksonville….
Port Lady: “Do you have a Twick?”
Me: Do I have a what?
Port Lady: Do you have a Twick?
Me: What’s a twick? I have Special Dark candy bars in the truck, if you…
Port Lady: A Twick card. You must have a Twick card to get in the port. If not, you’ll have to get an escort.
Me: I don’t have the magic card. Do you have a number I can call to arrange for an escort?
Port Lady: “We don’t give those numbers out.”
Me: That’s helpful. How do I get escorted then?
Port Lady: “Just come to Gate 1, and there will be escorts off to the right as you drive up.”
Me: Sounds like a red light district. Is this le…
Port Lady: “Thank you.” <click>
I messaged my company and asked if they could please do some digging and find me a reputable escort for the afternoon, while I made my way to Savannah.
On days when the weather cools, the summer haze recedes as the landscape unfolds in crystal clear detail. This was not one of those days. The haze on I-10, as the rig rolled through Tallahassee, blurred the scenery, making everything seem as if it were being viewed through foggy contact lenses or smudged eye glasses. Fairly appropriate, I thought.
Eventually, the name and phone number of a point of contact arrived on my rig’s Qualcom computer, and I called the escort company. They gave me directions to the gate, and explained that they were required to meet me there and ride with me into the port and stay with me throughout the unloading process, since I don‘t have the powerful card. Oh yes, and there would be a $65 fee for their services. “So I have to pay you so my load can be delivered?” “Yes sir,” said the escort person. I can’t repeat my response, but at least the escort laughed.
Arriving at the gate, I was met by the only cheery person I encountered today. The escort was personable, sympathetic, helpful, and $65. We drove to the gate, where we were met by a security person who only recently began shaving and is probably playing hooky from school today. He looked at my escort’s magic card, meditated over my driver’s license, stared at me for awhile, and then told us to pull over and walk back. We did and he presented me with a form to sign saying that I would not leave my escort, which of course I wouldn’t do because I want my money’s worth. My escort signed the paper promising to keep track of me if only to extract the required sum. I know the guard has an important function to perform, but I tried to lighten the mood a little just the same. No chance. He had the demeanor of a toothache.
From the happy shack, we made our way to the unloading dock. It was 3:30PM as we docked and waited for the truck next to us to be unloaded first. The guys doing the unloading are union, my escort explained. When I go to most warehouses, most of the time one guy will set the docking plate at the rear of the trailer, unload the merchandise with his forklift, take the merchandise to the appropriate staging area in the warehouse, sign my bills of lading saying that the goods were delivered, and bid me a fond farewell. Not here.
Union rules say that one guy has to put the docking plate in place. That’s it. Then another guy has to take the merchandise off the trailer and place it on the dock. Then, yet a third guy has to take the merchandise from the dock and place it in the staging area. Three guys, with three forklifts, doing the job that one guy does at other businesses. And if any one of them helps the other in his task, they are in heap big trouble with the union. Instead, the gentleman that sets the docking plate must then sit in solemn contemplation while the other guy unloads the truck before joining him in reverent reflection as the last guy places the freight in the staging area. They are paid well for this. So next time you wonder why certain businesses are folding or shipping the work overseas, just remember; three guys doing the job of one.
Once the truck next to us was unloaded, our union workers were ready to go home for the day without unloading my rig. The reason? It was 4PM by that time, and they are not allowed to work beyond 4PM even if I’ve been sitting there for the better part of a half hour waiting. This led to more colorful language from me, directed not at the employees (they don't make the rules), but at my run of luck in general. The escort laughed,…the fork lifters laughed, and the three of them risked the wrath of their superiors by unloading my truck anyway.
My escort and I made it back through the gate, where Mr. Happy again pondered over my paperwork while I explained that the governor had issued a pardon. We were released, my escort left with his money, I submitted an expense report to the company, and here I am. But I wonder how I’m going to explain this back home when my pay statement arrives, showing that I paid $65 for an escort service.
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Comments :
Jun '10
Re: Piercing The Fog With A Non-Union Escort Service
Dave, I've sent you an email with my theories because I couldn't keep the word count down. Basically I believe it boils down to unions demanding and getting concessions beyond the point companies could afford and government demanding and getting control beyond the point companies could comply with ending up squeezing most private business out of American service.
Learned doctors have devoted years to this topic, I can barely string the ideas together. A proper study of the subject is the work of a lifetime. But even a glimpse can be rewarding for the opportunity to see both unions and government out of control to the point of destroying an entire industry.
Jun '10
Re: Piercing The Fog With A Non-Union Escort Service
You see, you got yer Jews, and you got yer Moslems, and you got yer Genitals. And it was after the Moslems tried to blow up them Genitals, that Genitals decided they could pay an escort service to deliver a fella's load. That is, if'n that fella had gone n' lost his twick, or if he never had one of them dang things to begin with!
Then them Genitals thought, "well shoot! if'n I gonna git me an escort service, I fancy I git me a non-union escort service, and make personable, sympathetic conversation beforehand, and keep it real classy like."
Jul '10
Re: Piercing The Fog With A Non-Union Escort Service
It's good to see that "labor" hasn't entirely crushed the spirit of work.
Re: Piercing The Fog With A Non-Union Escort Service
Paules, geez, you nailed that one. I'm "just a wee bit compromised" as well from cracking a rib a few weeks back, and am only now begining to get back in shape, hitting the weights, etc. And as you say, the passion is there, if not the reason. Had a slight altercation in Orlando just after the rib incident with another trucker that wound up with me offering to take a certain object and introduce it to his digestive processes.
I don't know if you're feeling age, or wisdom, but you're right on a personal level at least. There is much to be said for the vitality of passion.
Re: Piercing The Fog With A Non-Union Escort Service
the motley cow: You see, you got yer Jews, and you got yer Moslems, and you got yer Genitals. And it was after the Moslems tried to blow up them Genitals, that Genitals decided they could pay an escort service to deliver a fella's load. That is, if'n that fella had gone n' lost his twick, or if he never had one of them dang things to begin with!
Then them Genitals thought, "well shoot! if'n I gonna git me an escort service, I fancy I git me a non-union escort service, and make personable, sympathetic conversation beforehand, and keep it real classy like." · Sep 3 at 11:58pm
Oh that's too good. Nice to know that old thread still has some kick in it's step.
Thanks for a blast from the past, Motley Cow. Good thing escorts aren't blowing themselves up.
Jun '10
Re: Piercing The Fog With A Non-Union Escort Service
Mr. Carter, the connection between escorts for truckers and the genital theory post was just too strong for me to resist. Also, I had recently re-watched "The Big Lebowski", with the great scene of the different kinds of bowlers in slow motion. It put your portrait of contemporary truck stop Americana in mind.
Edited on Sep 4, 2010 at 2:44pm