On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
The only time my parents showed disdain for me was when I came home from high school and explained to them that Christopher Columbus was mostly just a raping killer and hadn't really done anything that impressive any way.
I love them for openly mocking me that day.
So a happy Columbus Day to my parents and everyone else who ever found themselves in the New World!
And if you think you're having a rough day, read this account of one minor incident from his Fourth Voyage to the New World:
For nine days I was as one lost, without hope of life. Eyes never beheld the sea so angry, so high, so covered with foam. The wind not only prevented our progress, but offered no opportunity to run behind any headland for shelter; hence we were forced to keep out in this bloody ocean, seething like a pot on a hot fire. Never did the sky look more terrible; for one whole day and night it blazed like a furnace, and the lightning broke with such violence that each time I wondered if it had carried off my spars and sails; the flashes came with such fury and frightfulness that we all thought that the ship would be blasted. All this time the water never ceased to fall from the sky; I do not say it rained, for it was like another deluge. The men were so worn out that they longed for death to end their dreadful suffering.
But my high school teachers probably survived much worse things.
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Jun '10
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
If it's any comfort, the European explorers treated the natives not much differently than they treated their fellow Europeans. If you get a military advantage over your neighbor, you rob him blind. "What? Is that wrong?" :)
May '11
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
Yep. A typical summer afternoon in the tropics. The same thing caused a 40+ car pile up in Sarasota last week.
What is amazing is that he came back 3 more times. (and managed to not fall off the edge each time)
Dec '11
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
In liberal-land, every Westerner alive before the 20th century is evil for not living up to modern liberal ideals. Non-Westerners, however, get an exemption because of multi-cultural moral cowardice. It doesn't matter that Columbus was no more brutal to the Native Americans than Native Americans were to each other, what matters is that he was European, and therefore subject to liberal moral criticism. It doesn't make a lot of sense.
Dec '10
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
Columbus wasn't much of an explorer, he couldn't find something as obvious as the Panama Canal. If he had found the canal then he might have achieved true immortality by discovering Hollywood.
Jan '12
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
Great article! Thanks.
Dec '10
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
The thing about Columbus is he was wrong. He did not prove that the world was round. He only proved that there was land west of Africa/Europe.
No educated person in 1492 thought that the world was flat. The Greeks had figured that out ~ 1800 years earlier. The question was: How far was it to Asia if you sailed west from Europe? Columbus’s men were ready to mutiny before they got to the Americas and they were not a third of the way to Asia.
Jul '12
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
Well said. Amen.
May '10
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
You know what this world really needs? A good Columbus Day song.
Jul '11
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
I can't personally confirm or deny the raping killer charges against Columbus, but this much I have to say - he was a very motivated rapist / killer (or not). After all, he sailed from Europe to the Americas and found new lands to rape and kill in (or not) :-D.
Raised money for the voyage, gathered ships / crew / supplies, succeeded in the voyage, went back, etc., etc. Accomplished.
Credit where credit is due.
Jun '10
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
"On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children"
Sparingly, Ms. Hemingway.
My parents made quite a practiced art of it.
It has never worked out particularly well for any of those involved.
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
Eeyore
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
"On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children"
Sparingly, Ms. Hemingway.
My parents made quite a practiced art of it.
It has never worked out particularly well for anyof those involved. · 2 minutes ago
I think it only worked on me because they did it once. They were usually so respectful and eager to hear about what I learned that day at school. The disparity was significant enough that the moment stayed with me, obviously! I now view Columbus Day as a great day to remember my parents.
Jan '12
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
Eeyore
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
"On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children"
Sparingly, Ms. Hemingway.
My parents made quite a practiced art of it.
It has never worked out particularly well for anyof those involved. · 0 minutes ago
...but she provoked you into reading her post, which, I suspect, was the purpose behind Ms. Hemingway's choice of heading...
Jun '12
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
Thanks for this post. Does anyone know why today is not a school holiday? My children asked and I could not give an answer.
Jan '12
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
Eeyore
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
"On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children"
Sparingly, Ms. Hemingway.
My parents made quite a practiced art of it.
It has never worked out particularly well for anyof those involved. · 2 minutes ago
I think it only worked on me because they did it once. They were usually so respectful and eager to hear about what I learned that day at school. The disparity was significant enough that the moment stayed with me, obviously! I now view Columbus Day as a great day to remember my parents. · 3 minutes ago
...and the reverse is true; 'doing it' all the time, as with constant, merit-less praise, renders the accolade valueless.
Edited on October 8, 2012 at 5:10pmRe: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
My oldest goes to Lutheran school, which follows the public school calendar. They don't have any classes today, here in Virginia. Perhaps because of the high concentration of federal employees here -- as opposed to elsewhere?
Jun '12
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
My oldest goes to Lutheran school, which follows the public school calendar. They don't have any classes today, here in Virginia. Perhaps because of the high concentration of federal employees here -- as opposed to elsewhere? · 0 minutes ago
And yet Mollie is working, as am I.
Anyone else working on this "holiday"?
Nov '11
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
ConservativeWanderer
And yet Mollie is working, as am I.
Anyone else working on this "holiday"? · 10 minutes ago
I am. I actually like it, its very quiet today, I can gets lots of stuff done.
A lot of my customers are closed. In Albany there are plenty of law firms and plenty of businesses that work directly or indirectly with the state, so they work on their schedule.
Four day weeks can sometimes be a [hassle] because you need to cram five days worth of work into four days. Fourth of July and Memorial Day are like that. Columbus is half way in between, some open, some closed. MLK Day is like that too.
May '12
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
Apropos your title, I hang my head in shame recounting this, but...
As a teen, I read The Primal Scream (feel free to roll eyes), then confronted my parents, full to the brim with adolescent angst, demanding "What have you DONE TO ME?!"
There were many ways for them to respond, but they just broke out in spontaneous laughter and dismissed me altogether. And I slunk away.
Nov '11
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
I always thought you were about my age, Mollie. But I'm at the tail end of Gen-X, so when I came through school, Columbus was still the guy who discovered America.
May '11
Re: On The Benefits Of Mocking Your Own Children
ConservativeWanderer
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
My oldest goes to Lutheran school, which follows the public school calendar. They don't have any classes today, here in Virginia. Perhaps because of the high concentration of federal employees here -- as opposed to elsewhere? · 0 minutes ago
And yet Mollie is working, as am I.
Anyone else working on this "holiday"? · 22 minutes ago
Yes, I thought it was pretty funny. I parked in the city lot today and the little kiosk said "City Holiday, free parking." Yet, the courthouse is open and here I am at work!
I mirror Mollie's sentiment, by the way. It is all too popular to mock our forefathers - Columbus included. At thanksgiving, where we used to celebrate dressed as pilgrims and indians, they are now teaching our kids that a bunch of puritan idiots came over from europe, and after the indians saved them from starving to death, we got the march of a thousand tears. Bit of a revisionist history, no? I miss our other history.