October Surprises
Speculation is rampant that President Obama’s Chicago campaign team is about to unleash an October surprise. A source on background has revealed these disquieting schemes already in progress, as well as some of the president’s secret plans for his second term:
In a desperate attempt to win Florida, the campaign will enlist frogmen to move Osama bin Laden’s corpse to Sea World.
If the president is reelected, he will exact revenge on his former challenger by replacing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir with the Muslim Barbershop Quartet.
The Obama campaign will allege that prior to the second debate, Governor Romney tried to bribe Candy Crowley with a lifetime gift certificate to the Cheesecake Factory.
Republican demands for early voter recounts will be denied by the Illinois attorney general even though some voters are deceased. Among them, the names “Woodrow Wilson”, “Thomas Jefferson”, and “Bob Schieffer.”
To burnish commander-in-chief cred, next week the president will launch a drone attack on Venezuela, claiming nuclear warheads are hidden in Hugo Chavez’s pockmarks.
If reelected, Obama will compromise on Gitmo. Its new hours: open Monday through Saturday, 9 to 5:30, Sundays, 12 to 5.
As proof that shovel-ready projects are underway, the administration will begin construction in New Jersey of the world’s largest theme park … Six Flags Over Chris Christie.
Arizona TV stations will run a commercial with Ed Asner speaking to an empty La-Z-Boy recliner.
MoveOn.org will air a commercial in Colorado contending that last Christmas Mitt Romney visited a Denver mall and offered cookies and milk to a lactose intolerant Santa Claus.
A rumor will be spread that a President Romney would not only defund PBS -- he would also strap to the roof of the presidential limo a wooden crate housing Bill Moyers.
To secure the Florida cougar vote, Justin Bieber will stump for Obama in The Villages.
Appearing on Meet the Press, Obama spokesperson Stephanie Cutter will claim that, in a Romney presidency ,White House state dinners will offer early Big Bird specials.
... And that a President Romney would imprison any male resident of Florida over the age of 60 caught wearing a white belt.
To intimidate Philadelphia seniors, Harry Belafonte and Betty White will patrol voting precincts wielding loaded adult diapers.
A video from a 2011 Halloween party in a Vegas hotel suite will show a Romney son impersonator with three showgirls playing Trick or Tag.
An MSNBC anchor will receive an anonymous email that the title of Dick Morris’s next book will be, “Dubs Takes a Dump on Chris Matthews’s Shoe”.
To appeal to gun control advocates, Eric Holder will make it a felony to carry a concealed lock of Callista Gingrich’s hair.
New York Yankees outfielder Raul Ibanez will be sent in to pinch-campaign for Biden.
YouTube will be ordered to remove a video of the First Lady pointing to an anorexic member of her Secret Service detail and asking, “Does this agent make my butt look fat?”
To further discredit Fox News, the campaign will distribute a photo of Bill O’Reilly poolside at his estate with Alan Colmes suspended overhead as a human parasol to keep the sun off the O’Reilly bald spot.
To emphasize his clean energy goals, this winter Mr. Obama will confiscate all coal from the eyes of American snowmen.
If he’s defeated, the president will write an even more personal book than “Dreams From My Father". It will be entitled, “Nightmares from My Mother-in-Law”.
On election eve, President Obama will deliver a prime-time address to the nation and conclude by French-kissing Tipper Gore.
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Comments:
Jul '11
Re: October Surprises
Hilarious! This is an excellent post!
The talent on Ricochet always surprise me!
Aug '10
Re: October Surprises
I'm worn out from that . Whew ! Lots of material there.
Loved the Bill Moyers ,Belafonte, and Betty White imagery.
Just the perfect mixture of ageism and racism to start the day.
Just kidding, it's not ageist to make fun of any of those fools.
Thanks.
Did you get Maya Angelou's email the other day ?
I never knew the political subthemes in Calypso music !!
Edited on October 26, 2012 at 4:41pmJul '11
Re: October Surprises
I laughed hard last night when I read this. I'm glad the overlords stuck it up front. Good stuff.
Jun '10
Re: October Surprises
Great stuff...even as some of the optics are a tad disturbing. Keep up the good work!
May '10
Re: October Surprises
In my fondest dreams and fantasies, I write that well, too. Wonderful!
Re: October Surprises
Barkha Herman:
The talent on Ricochet always surprise me! · 4 hours ago
This talent shouldn't. Do a Google search on Mr. Siller's name.
Nov '10
Re: October Surprises
Excellent!
Aug '10
Re: October Surprises
On election eve, President Obama will deliver a prime-time address to the nation and conclude by French-kissing Tipper Gore.
Actually to placate his gay supporters I believe Obama will french kiss Al Gore
Jun '10
Re: October Surprises
Raymond Siller: Speculation is rampant that President Obama’s Chicago campaign team is about to unleash an October surprise. A source on background has revealed these disquieting schemes already in progress, as well as some of the president’s secret plans for his second term:
. . .
If the president is reelected, he will exact revenge on his former challenger by replacing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir with the Muslim Barbershop Quartet.
This is going to leave a lot of extra seats at the Conference Center. And I suppose the broadcast will move to Friday.
Sep '12
Re: October Surprises
Hilarious!!
No wonder I thought I heard faint rim shots from Doc Severinsen while I read it!
May '12
Re: October Surprises
Bill Whittle over at PJTV is saying that Alred October Surprise is that Mitt Romney, as a Mormon missionary, persuaded a number of women not to have abortions.
That'll sink him, all right.
May '10
Re: October Surprises
I really, REALLY like this one:
"A rumor will be spread that a President Romney would not only defund PBS -- he would also strap to the roof of the presidential limo a wooden crate housing Bill Moyers."
Apr '12
Re: October Surprises
Frozen Chosen:On election eve, President Obama will deliver a prime-time address to the nation and conclude by French-kissing Tipper Gore.
Actually to placate his gay supporters I believe Obama will french kiss AlGore · 54 minutes ago
One more thing for Al and Tipper to fight over. I bet they'd both like it.
Apr '12
Re: October Surprises
"Raymond Siller is a four-time Emmy nominated television writer and a political consultant. He was Johnny Carson's long-time head writer."
I thought I remembered that style.
May '10
Re: October Surprises
Finally! I've been wanting to share this one with non-Ricochet folks. Good job.
Apr '11
Re: October Surprises
Hurricane Sandy will be the October Surprise, with Obama getting tons of media coverage looking strong and Presidential and releasing Federal money to the states affected.
Mar '12
Re: October Surprises
Chris Matthews will impersonate a human being
AlGore will impersonate a living being
Joe Biden will wear a bit in his mouth
Hillary Clinton will resign over Bengazhi
Leon Panetta will resign over Bengazhi
Colin Powell will resign from the Republican Party over his endorsement of Obama
The Republican Party will resign from Colin Powell without giving a reason
The medical marijuana coalition of California will offer a special price to Libertarians
The Libertarians will sign up for that special price
Conservative-leaning Libertarians will be mistaken for narcotics officers
Obama in Hawaii will be mistaken for a Libertarian narcotics officer
Joe Biden will be mistaken
Eric Holder will grow his hair out, bleach his skin, and do singing impersonations of famous dead people
Keith Olbermann will stand unrecognized in an unemployment line before carrying an MSNBC sandwich board around Wall Street for food
Edited on October 26, 2012 at 9:56pmRe: October Surprises
Oh, Ray, I just love this!
Bob Hope, Johnny Carson--all prologue. Now that you're here with us at Ricochet, your real life can begin.
Oct '12
Re: October Surprises
The hatred you people display is disturbing.
Aug '11
Re: October Surprises
Johnny Carson! Wasn't he the very best? I am glad Raymond Siller is such a part of our culture! Cheers!
October surprise: Obamacare will pay for trips to China for clients who seek alternative medicine.