Newt, Call Your Office
I like Newt Gingrich. Heck, I even used to do some writing for the guy. And while I never thought of him as a logical presidential nominee, I at least held out the hope that his entrance into the race would cause some of the other candidates to up their intellectual game.
Alas, less than a week into his presidential campaign, Newt seems to wake up every morning thinking about how he could make yesterday's bizarre pronouncements look rational by comparison. Well, today Team Gingrich has outdone itself. Asked by the Huffington Post to comment on the former Speaker's media coverage over the last week, Newt's spokesman, Rick Tyler, replied:
“The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.”
If he were alive today, Hemingway would shoot himself all over again.
- Comment (33)
- · Quote
- · UnfollowFollow (2)
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
Comments :
Jul '10
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Was that written with a rolled-up hundred-dollar-bill in one hand?
Um, Rick, you've got, uh, a little white rock hanging out of your nostril....
Jul '10
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Sounds like Sheen.
Troy Senik:
If he were alive today, Hemingway would shoot himself all over again. ·
That cracked Me up.
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
It's nice to see Charlie Sheen has got a job again.
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
I think we'll do a dramatic reading of this passage on the next podcast. Gotta work on my tiger-blood voice.
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Hey, that first comment was supposedly swallowed by the system. So here's an equally useless comment, protesting the fact.
Jan '11
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Wow. Just think if Rick Tyler would have become press secretary.
Oct '10
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
This is so bizarre. Newt has the reputation as one of the smartest men in Washington (not that that is exactly the Bee's Knees), but this has me wondering. Either all of this is way out of my league. or we are witnessing the most awkward start/finish to a Presidential campaign in modern history. I hope he is out foxing me, but I am beginning to have my doubts.
Aug '10
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Shazaam!
That is some geniusy wordsmithing. And by geniusy I mean delusional. Maybe Rick Tyler is auditioning to write Sarah Palin's Facebook posts once Newt wakes up and smells the formaldehyde.
If he were alive today, Hemingway would shoot himself all over again. Dude, you are on fire today!
Joshua Green dropped the hammer on Newt, dubbing him the Real Housewife of the Republican Field.
I have been mulling over for a while now how much the current crop of Fox News quasi-candidates have begun to resemble some kind of weird reality TV cast- America's Next Top Candidate?- I am glad to see that I was not alone.
Edited on May 18, 2011 at 6:21pmJun '10
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
This is uncomfortably strange. Is Tyler imaging his boss as Rambo, stripped to the waist with two gun belts across his sweat-beaded chest and a red bandana across his forehead?
I enjoyed Krauthammer's description of Newt this afternoon..."He's not toast...more like a collapsed soufflé"
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
ECCE LACERTUS!
Jun '10
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Does anyone know the actual physical process by which someone is "left exposed" by their "byline and handle"?
Sounds kind of kinky to me. But then I'm a country boy who doesn't know what goes on in the big city.
Can a more sophisticated Ricocheteer please explain?
Feb '11
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Hey, man, you don't talk to Newt. You listen to him. The man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet-warrior in the classic sense. I mean, sometimes he'll, uh, well, you'll say "Hello" to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you, and he won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say "Do you know that 'if' is the middle word in life? 'If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you'..." – I mean, I'm no, I can't – I'm a little man, I'm a little man, he's, he's a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas.
Apr '11
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Memo to Team Newt: The only reason your guy had any chance at all (even if 0.0001%) was because he was part of the DC establishment. Look, I hate when she plays the "look at me I'm a poor rural hillbilly fighting for working-class 'common-sense Americans'" card, but at least it's semi-semi-plausible when Gov. Palin does it. I used to think Newt was better than that. But then again, I used to think Newt was a conservative.
Jun '10
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Jimmy Carter: Sounds like Sheen.
Troy Senik:
If he were alive today, Hemingway would shoot himself all over again. ·
That cracked Me up. · May 18 at 6:03pm
I hate to disagree with Troy. But I think if Hemingway were alive and read that, he'd say something like: "Wow! I really did deserve the Nobel prize."
When Tyler gets fired, he'll be one heck of a writer of "bodice-rippers."
Edited on May 18, 2011 at 6:58pmRe: Newt, Call Your Office
I have never met Newt Gingrich. My sense in watching him over the last few days, however, is that somewhere along the path he has taken he forgot who he was. Back in the 1990s, he was somebody. Today, he is nobody. He may be smart, but he has no standing. There are people in the Republican Party who command a certain authority -- Paul Ryan, Mitch Daniels, Tim Pawlenty, Chris Christie, Scott Walker, Bobby Jindal, John Kasich. They have gained it by their accomplishments in the current time of crisis. To get any traction, Gingrich would have to get on board and articulate the common program in a more effective manner than his rivals. Instead, he is acting as if the party has not already taken its stand. He and Romney, who is in the same boat, are yesterday's men.
Aug '10
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
That's right- she did play the Jed Clampett-then one day I was shootin up some food-card when she dropped that reindeer over Christmas, and it did have some play with her supporters.
Newt took the House back in the day, but there's no living in the past. This train wreck of his is a real mystery to me, I thought he had a lot more on the ball than he is showing right now.
Edited on May 18, 2011 at 7:11pmMar '11
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
So, after the shooting in AZ didn't they all decide that violent rhetoric was verboten in politics? Is the MSM still talking about that?
May '10
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Love that picture of Newt. "Calllllllll forrrrr Phillip Morris!"
Jul '10
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Saying "clip" when you mean "magazine"?
He does know it's the Republican nomination he's running for, right?
Aug '10
Re: Newt, Call Your Office
Under the circumstances, that Howard Dean primal scream seems timely and appropriate.