NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
The New York Times publishes an essay from someone who declares that women who choose not to work full-time are inferior to their husbands. It's headlined "Motherhood as a Retreat from Equality."
It's my oldest's fourth birthday today, which roughly marks the time at which my husband and I decided that I should stay home to raise our family. I was a few years into a second career as a writer and because of the implosion of the journalism industry, the move has turned out surprisingly well for me. I'm able to write when and where I want rather than stuck on a beat I don't much care for. Career-wise, my decision to work from home and not full-time at a newspaper has worked out great for me. But the best part of it is, of course, the wonderful time I've gotten to spend with my children.
Anyway, back to the Times piece:
Bascha Mika, author of a controversial best-selling book, “The Cowardice of Women,” published in Germany this year, thinks women have largely themselves to blame. According to her, they aren’t putting enough pressure on politicians, are failing to negotiate equal terms in relationships and often voluntarily retreat into a traditional mother role that spares them other hard questions about identity and purpose in life.
“What’s the matter with us?” Ms. Mika asks German women. “Don’t we want to be free and equal?”
“We are collaborating with a system that reduces us to motherhood,” she writes. “We voluntarily choose to be powerless and adjust to self-inflicted victimhood. That’s cowardice.”
There's nothing reductive about motherhood. This whole choice terminology breaks down if the choice to raise one's own children and take care of one's home is characterized as powerlessness victimhood. The fact is that I've probably never felt more ready to command an army than after the birth of my children. I'm sick and tired of the denigration of this unbelievably important work and I'm so very happy that my husband admires me and praises me for what I do with our children and in our home.
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Sep '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
Amen.
I don't think I could read this article as it would harm my health.
If the left were able to seize power and enact their true agenda, it would really be ugly. But the goose stepping would make for fine parades.
Jun '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
On Labor Day, I just can't wait to call my boss and tell him how much I love him, and how I hope to spend Christmas with him.....
Sep '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
When I'm not traveling (which hasn't been much this year), I work from home. And I can't describe the feeling of seeing my wife be a mother to our two boys. She loves on them, takes them places, makes sure they eat right (over their vocal protests), makes sure they have new clothes for school, all the right school supplies, etc. And at the end of the day, she's not exhausted and worn out so we can have our time to build our marriage.
When she's not being a Mom, she volunteers with two different organizations, so she's not just sitting around watching soap operas during the day.
But obviously, we're doing it all wrong.
I don't begrudge any women seeking a career. That's fine. But why attack women who choose not to? What did women like my wife ever do to this author? I thought women wanted choices.
Oh, right, as long as they make the "right" choice.
Jun '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
I completely agree with you, and so does my wife, my two daughters, and my daughter-in-law, all of whom have embraced motherhood (a couple of them, like you, have figured out how to practice a profession while devoting the bulk of their time to their kids).
The world's moral inversion comes into the light each time it denigrates the single most important things a civilization must do: produce and raise the next generation in a way that they will be ready to continue it, and make it stronger. The idiocy of thinking this can be done without mothers committed to the task is absurd.
Sep '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
I don't begrudge any women seeking a career. That's fine. But why attack women who choose not to?
Because Mollie has angered the "Gods of Equality" to paraphrase Ricochet's guest contributor who posted just after her today.
Et tut tut brute?
Edited on Aug 23, 2011 at 8:43amApr '11
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
And here I thought the whole purpose of Feminism was to create a society where women could pursue the goals and lives they wanted rather then the ones dictated to them. Must be hard to have wasted your life doing something you love that gives you satisfaction.
I would also like to point out that everyone loves their mothers, because mothers are great and have magical powers. I don't think that many people love lawyers, CEOs, doctors, dentists, teachers, or pretty much any other profession as much as we love mothers.
Mar '11
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
The foul poison of feminism on full display, and to an extent, liberalism itself, which thinks that man can engineer reality to his liking, and replace God completely.
Jun '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
"...failing to negotiate equal terms in relationships and often voluntarily retreat into a traditional mother role that spares them other hard questions about identity and purpose in life."
How could she possibly know what terms any woman has negotiated in any relationship?
How could she possibly know what hard questions a mom has asked herself about identity and purpose? How could she possibly know what the answers were, and if the mom was pleased with those answers?
Having choice = real power in my view. Sometimes that choice is to consciously put the needs of others before your own, whether as a mother or any number of relationships. I have no desire to read her article. I'm guessing she has never undertaken any action in life that was not primarily motivated by her own self interest.
Edited on Aug 23, 2011 at 9:19amAug '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
I can think of at least two mothers of five who got deeply involved in politics but on the "wrong" side. I think it's fair to say that whatever their respective failings they have been subjected to an unequal degree of scrutiny and criticism relative to male candidates in general and liberal female candidates in particular. To liberals "equality" is an elastic concept indeed.
Dec '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
StickerShock:
Having choice = real power in my view. Sometimes that choice is to consciously put the needs of others before your own, whether as a mother or any number of relationships. I have no desire to read her article. I'm guessing she has never undertaken any action in life that was not primarily motivated by her own self interest. · Aug 23 at 9:17am
Edited on Aug 23 at 09:19 am
I suspect that she's actually jealous of those women who do make the choice to stay home. My mother always worked, but my wife has stayed home since my oldest was 4. The result is 2 amazing kids. And I can tell you the drama director at the high school would probably quit if she wasn't available for costuming, and our church would have to find someone else to lead women's Bible study, and our house would be a pig sty, and...
The primary thing this woman has accomplished is to render anything else she writes as worthless.
Dec '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
StickerShock: "...failing to negotiate equal terms in relationships and often voluntarily retreat into a traditional mother role that spares them other hard questions about identity and purpose in life."
How could she possibly know what terms any woman has negotiated in any relationship?
How could she possibly know what hard questions a mom has asked herself about identity and purpose? How could she possibly know what the answers were, and if the mom was pleased with those answers?...
I had to laugh at that line. My working mother friends have NO TIME to contemplate the hard questions about identity and purpose in life and this is exactly how the Left likes it. Right? If we're thoughtful about our relationships with God and others, we might not be angry and bitter enough about our condition of inequality to start a revolution!
I am so blessed and privileged to be a full-time mom. That's the "dirty" little secret the Left doesn't want women to know.
Dec '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
It's worked out pretty darn well for us here, too. Thank you for all you do to keep Ricochet humming along and being the only site that could command more of my attention than National Review.
Jan '11
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
According to her, they aren’t putting enough pressure on politicians,
Women are to turn to politicians for assistance with motherhood? No thank you.
I've left my career for a second time to raise small children and am grateful to my husband for his support and love.
“We voluntarily choose to be powerless and adjust to self-inflicted victimhood.
Ahem, I pay the bills and control the checkbook. I'm no victim. I'm the loving wife and mom.
Jan '11
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
Must be those AstroTurf, amateur mothers. Mike Murphy could probably organize them into a suitable lobby.
Oct '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
This is why the identity group political racket is doomed. I mean, each one of these groups has this story. Gays have their "it's never a choice; bisexuals don't exist!!" thing. Feminists have their "motherhood is inferior and shameful" thing, blacks have "success is acting white," etc.
These people are digging their own political graves. For once, I'm happy the Times gave such a left-wing article wide publication. Showing off how wrong these people are is always a good thing.
Jul '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
Feminists are still ticked that there ain't a 100% abortion rate.
The King Prawn
It's worked out pretty darn well for us here, too. Thank you for all you do to keep Ricochet humming along and being the only site that could command more of my attention than National Review. · Aug 23 at 10:46am
I'll second that entire comment!
Jul '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
My husband emailed me this piece with the subject "This one will anger you". I made the mistake of reading it this morning while feeding one of my twins, youngest of my 5. I am still shaking off the apoplectic rage that overcame me and had to take time out of my busy morning to sit down and type up a response at my laptop, because it's really hard to type on an iPhone while your hands are still shaking. Just posted it to my facebook page with a question about whether she is a classic example of a woman who is bitter and angry about how the life choices she has made have not resulted in the happy life she is "entitled" to, and now I realise that I shouldn't waste any energy being angry.
This woman should be pitied. How much of a wreck must her life be to write such poisonous vitriol against women who are just living their lives, making different choices and getting on with it? How awful must it be to believe that you have got all the right ideas, and yet still be so unhappy, empty and just full of hate?
Sep '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
Of course it was a woman who wrote this. The choices women in the free world make are only important when they are what the feminists proscribe.
More evidence that "advancement" for women is only measured by what men do.
May '10
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
Is it that black and white? It seems to me that there is a case to be made for expanding opportunities for smart mothers to do what Mollie does- work part time from home when the kids are there. In a world where telecommuting is ever more feasible, why would we not be promoting that?
Rubber Duckie was 19 when we got married, I was just starting my second junior year. After our kids showed up, she began to stay home, but started doing some things at home that offered experience and income (she made winter sportswear on a piecework basis using a knitting machine), and also started to take college classes one at a time. The kids never lacked for a parent at home, but parents also had flexibility.
My mom was home all the time we were growing up, but she didn't want to do anything else. Our daughters would go crazy if they were at home all the time. I favor choice and alternatives. Not by government coercion (we don't need any "Working Mothers Opportunities Act"), but by employers finding advantages to this kind of model.
It works for Mollie.
Re: NYT: Full-Time Motherhood Makes You Unequal To Men
Duane Oyen: Is it that black and white? It seems to me that there is a case to be made for expanding opportunities for smart mothers to do what Mollie does- work part time from home when the kids are there. In a world where telecommuting is ever more feasible, why would we not be promoting that? ...
It works for Mollie. · Aug 24 at 2:21pm
I'm not sure what is so black and white but my own view is a variation of Say's Law on supply creating its own demand. Much of the problem with inflexible work situations is that people don't plan for them. My professors and classmates in my Sex and Econ class made fun of me once for saying, when asked, that I wanted to be a wife and mother. But darned if that thinking didn't pay off. I knew I wanted these things and even though I also knew they may never happen, I was better prepared to manage career and family when they did happen.