My Turkish Neighbor
Not too many years after we started living in San Francisco, perhaps twenty years ago or so, we began attending an excellent moderate-priced restaurant near us. The food was Macedonian...a combination of Turkish and other influences, without restrictions on alcohol. Everything was excellent, yet everything was affordable. It was a comfortable place to eat, and where we always took friends who were visiting.
Often was the night when we closed out the place, and the staff treated us specially, frequently "forgetting" to charge for our wine, and if we had to wait for a table, bringing us drinks to tide us over during the wait. The restaurant was a regular destination for us for at least a dozen years.
The owners were an elderly couple who did all the cooking, and the restaurant was managed by their son, who was universally beloved and whose charitable activities included funding a now well-known experimental music quartet, in part by renting out the space above the restaurant to them for their rehearsals. The son, tragically, died early but fortunately not before he'd happened to take serious time off to spend quality time with his own son.
The elderly couple eventually retired and closed the restaurant (they didn't want anyone else to manage the restaurant that contained the family name). We'd see them occasionally walking the neighborhood, arm in arm, very happy in their retirement. We were sad and bitter, though, at the loss of one of our prime eating places, but it was tempered by their own well-being.
Fast-forward a decade or so and we purchased our first non-rental location, a condo in the neighborhood. Coincidentally, the wife of the elderly couple (her husband having passed away) now lives above us, a robust 81-year-old, and we get to spend occasional time with her, during which she's told her story.
She grew up in Istanbul, Turkey in a Christian family. They were persecuted, she says, both for their religion and for their industry (when a couple of the brothers chipped in to buy a car, this made the family somehow the target for insults). "Other people wanted money but they didn't want to work," she says. "It makes no sense! Why didn't they work if they wanted money?"
Looking for freedom from persecution, they moved to the U.S. "Here we could do anything! We could start our own business. No one cared! No one got in our way..."
And so they did. They started the restaurant. She became the cook but she wasn't a professional cook, so she made do by creating the dishes she was familiar with. Delightful lamb-filled pastries and the best Moussaka I've ever encountered, plus a wonderful pastry-encased salmon, and many other dishes I can easily call to mind so many years later. Her husband specialized in the desserts, which were delights of their own.
The restaurant became very popular and they prospered, allowing them to eventually retire as mentioned.
In one dinner with her, she got very emotional about America. "I love this country," she said. "I love America. I bless it every day. It made everything possible for us."
She's confused by the religious wars. "I'm Christian, but I don't know. What is God? Why do people fight over this? It seemed like things were getting better and now there is so much fighting over religion."
She has no interest in returning to Turkey, though relatives would like her to visit. "Why go? It's a long plane ride and I'm old, and this is where I live. Turkey was bad to us. Very bad."
As a very pro-immigration person, I'm honored to live near and spend time with this person. These are the kinds of people we need in this country. These are Americans.
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Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Every single time I speak to immigrants to America, I hear this story or a version of it. And I have never heard this story or any version of it in any other country.
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
That was my thought after reading this piece too.
Thanks for sharing, Maurilius. The story made my eyes well up with tears.
Edited on Jan 3, 2011 at 4:03pmMay '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Love the story- I probably wouldn't have liked the food. Thanks for posting.
Like you, I am pro-immigration, and think that the GOP can and needs to clean up its act on this subject. You can control your borders- which is urgently needed- and work on assimilation without being ugly about the process.
Oct '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Yeah I agree. The nativists have all our politicians running scared, it's aggravating. We need a good-faith effort to secure the border--if for no other reason then lessening the possibility of future American military intervention--and some way to integrate those already here (in a fair manner).
Oct '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Not to nitpick, but Amsterdam comes to mind (plenty of Turkish people there, great food too). Though I suppose one smallish Dutch city doesn't compare with a continent-sized nation of 300+ million people.
Are there immigrant-friendly (outside of coastal trade cities) nations other then us? Canada, Australia maybe? I dunno.
Dec '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Maurilius-Terrific post. Much that is good about our country is contained within that story. As for the Joseph's comment, I'm torn. "Nativist" or "pro-immigration"? I am the father of both native born children and those we adopted from a Central American country. The process to both adopt & gain citizenship for them was arduous, if not torturous. Regardless, it was completely worth it. The experience, however, left me dumbstruck at the pure arbitrary nature of the system. And we had help along the way! I've had two colleagues from Spanish-speaking lands who've taken the legal citizenship route and it seemed both arbitrary & ridiculously expensive! Immigration should be clear, consistent & fair, IMHO. That said, for those already here illegally, isn't it somewhat like the line our parents used on us (ok, my parents anyway), "How can I trust anything you say once you've lied to me?". They broke the law, arbitrary & expensive or not. This is what drives my "Nativist"-side, I suppose.
Jul '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Nativist is one of those words, like racist or isolationist, that are easily thrown around to discredit people who don't agree with your views.
You seem to be using it to tar anyone who doesn't agree with "...integrat(ing) those who are already here...". In other words, amnesty.
Am I reading you correctly?
If I am, then I must protest that people who do not agree with amnesty or, as it's so blithely formulated - a "path to citizenship - for people who broke our laws and drain our coffers are not "nativists". They're people who believe in national sovereignty and law enforcement.
Edited on Jan 3, 2011 at 5:35pmJul '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Maurilius, I recently had a confusing encounter with a Christian immigrant of Iraqi origin.
She and her family left Iraq in the 1970's. First, they went to France, but found that they were disdained by the French and harassed by their Muslim neighbors.
Somehow, they found their way to Northern California, where they set up shop as tailors and raised a family.
What I found confusing was that, though she is Christian, her shop was festooned with propaganda from the Muslim Students' Association, including an 8x12 flier celebrating Rachel "Pancake" Corrie, the late, notorious hater of Israel and of American Middle-Eastern policy.
She also strongly disliked George W Bush. She felt very passionately that things were far better for Christians in Iraq under Saddam and that our invasion was responsible for the current genocidal attacks on Iraqi Christians.
So it seems that not all immigrants who come here harbor an unalloyed gratitude; some bring their confusing politics with them, just as German, Eastern European and Russian Marxists did in the last century and many Mexican adherents to the La Raza philosophy do now.
Edited on Jan 3, 2011 at 5:57pmOct '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Kenneth
Nativist is one of those words, like racist or isolationist, that are easily thrown around to discredit people who don't agree with your views.
Edited on Jan 03 at 05:35 pm
I have an instinctive distrust of anyone using the word "nativist", "racist", or "islamophobe". No labels!
Edited on Jan 3, 2011 at 6:43pmJul '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Kenneth
Nativist is one of those words, like racist or isolationist, that are easily thrown around to discredit people who don't agree with your views.
You seem to be using it to tar anyone who doesn't agree with "...integrat(ing) those who are already here...". In other words, amnesty. Jan 3 at 5:34pm
Edited on Jan 03 at 05:35 pm
I read it the same way. Those terms make Us have to differentiate between "immigration" and "legal immigration."
I bet those Who have a door with a lock on Their Home to regulate Who enters don't see the irony.
If the 81-year old bypassed laws and is Here illegally, then ship Her A back Home to Turkey posthaste at Her expense.
If the 81-year old followed all American laws to become a Citizen, then welcome and America is more blessed to have such Citizens.
Sorry, it wasn't like this when I typed it. Too tired to edit.
Edited on Jan 3, 2011 at 6:46pmDec '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
What I found confusing was that, though she is Christian, her shop was festooned with propaganda from the Muslim Students' Association, including an 8x12 flier celebrating Rachel "Pancake" Corrie, the late, notorious hater of Israel and of American Middle-Eastern policy.
She also strongly disliked George W Bush. She felt very passionately that things were far better for Christians in Iraq under Saddam and that our invasion was responsible for the current genocidal attacks on Iraqi Christians.
Interesting. The cognative dissonance is quite strange. It would make sense if she would hate Bush because Saddam kept a lid on the Shia, but then she should be able to recognize that the Shia are still the problem.
But, of course, her family left because they found the "good old days" intolerable. Clearly Iraqi Christians weren't all that beloved in the al-Bakr days either (the Baathists were in charge then).
But my take is that she's just angry and upset, feels powerless and is lashing out at the only acceptable villain in her orbit.
Oct '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
A beautiful story!
I'm confused about the actual establishment, though. Is it still around? If so, my wife and I would love to eat there, and we live in The City. Would you feel comfortable telling us where it is?
Edited on Jan 3, 2011 at 9:02pmMay '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Fourth paragraph says
Andy Freeman: I'm confused about the actual establishment, though. Is it still around? If so, my wife and I would love to eat there, and we live in The City. Would you feel comfortable telling us where it is? · Jan 3 at 9:00pm
Edited on Jan 03 at 09:02 pm
Good question, although the fourth paragraph says that they closed it down. Maurilius, do you have any other suggestions for, er, Macedonian/Turkish cuisine in SF? Listening to you and Claire has pushed out bad memories of "Midnight Express" and whetted the appetite for some of the region's food.
May '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
The restaurant in question is, alas, gone gone gone, replaced by a mediocrity of an establishment whose only saving grace is that their rent pays the expenses of our neighbor (she was smart enough to buy the land, back when it was much cheaper to do so in SF).
I know of no equivalent restaurant; there are Greek places that are a poor substitute.
The closest I've found is Thea Mediterranean in Santana Row, in San Jose. They have similar food, though a very different environment (belly dancers!) Make sure to get the Saganaki (flaming cheese...)
The restaurant in SF that we're similarly fond of is Helmand, an Afghani establishment we've gone to for 15 years or so. It's run by the brother of Hamid Karzai and I guess he has some questionable background...but the food and restaurant are quite good!
May '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
By the way, she called me today and asked me to come see if I could fix her heater...she was freezing. While I tried to help out, she talked about how lonely it is with her husband gone; she goes out each day and finds something to do until 3:00, but after that there isn't much to do or anyone to talk to, though she really enjoys watching Diane Sawyer.
While I was there she forced chocolates on me and said she considers me "like her grandson".
It's all I can do to get out with dry eyes.
May '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Kenneth
Nativist is one of those words, like racist or isolationist, that are easily thrown around to discredit people who don't agree with your views.
..............................
If I am, then I must protest that people who do not agree with amnesty or, as it's so blithely formulated - a "path to citizenship - for people who broke our laws and drain our coffers are not "nativists". They're people who believe in national sovereignty and law enforcement. · Jan 3 at 5:34pm
Edited on Jan 03 at 05:35 pm
Kenneth, I agree with you in principle. The problem: there is no way to go around the country with a bunch of buses, round up all the undocumented people, and dump them off on the other side of the border. It simply won't happen, especially with the 9th Circuit Appeals Court in existence.
We have to handle reality in a politically smart way. Those who are trumpeting "Amnesty!" in every sentence in bold caps- even as they denigrate terms like "nativist"- are not helping the situation at all.
Secure the border- but tone down the rhetoric.
Jan '11
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
This is such a great story, Maurilius! i really enjoyed reading it. I remember the place quite well. I still have the cork from the last bottle of wine I ever had there. It's one the few untainted happy memories I have! Thanks for the visit from the Ghosts of Restaurants Past. :)
Sep '10
Re: My Turkish Neighbor
Oppressive regines are particularly good at law and order. Unfortunately a more democratic country will generally be less good a supressing the popular will either for good or ill.