My Breakup Letter to NYC
Dear NYC,
There’s no easy way to break the news to you, so I’m just going to come out and say it: these last four months we’ve spent together, they’ve been great—like really awesome. The parties, the plays, the pooches—I mean, I can hardly go for a run outside without tripping over a yelping Yorkie—they’re all part of your romantic charm.
But there’s someone else. And it’s not just his size and his swagger. It’s not that he's picked up four seats in the House recently (and you lost 2—not that I’m counting). It’s not that his governor is way cooler—and did I mention better looking? OK, plain dreamy—than yours. And it’s not even that I love the prairie landscapes and horses more than the smell of exhaust and urine and the occasional apartment mouse.
It’s just that I’m beginning to realize that—well, there’s no delicate way to put this: Texas would make life so much better for me than you would.
With the money I spend on the second floor walk up that we live in—which is practically in the east river, but never mind—did you know that I could buy a small ranch in Texas? Or if I saved up enough money for a dingy $300,000 studio on the upper west side with you, I could actually buy a beautiful 2,200 square feet home in a Dallas suburb that has an excellent public school system, or this beautiful colonial in the heart of an elite San Antonio neighborhood? Guess I won’t have to worry about spending $35,000/year on my kids for private schools in New York City anymore!
What’s that? You think I’ll miss your elegant shops, nightlife and culture? Well think again. San Antonio, with its vibrant river walk, is a stone's throw away from Austin, its arts scene, its festivals, and its Whole Foods. And that 2,200 square feet Dallas home I’m going to buy one day is:
3.6 miles from a Barneys New York, Versace and plenty of other luxury shops. We’ve got our share of restaurants sporting $50 veal entrees. We’ve got $354 million worth of brand-spanking-new arts venues, a killer sculpture center and a football stadium big enough to create its own weather. Plus we’ve got the world’s third-busiest airport with nonstops to 140 cities.
And you, my dear, will always be a $200 airplane ride away.
Oh and did I mention Texas doesn’t expect a share of my income—while you knock me over the head twice, with a city tax and a state tax? Is that really fair?
So that’s why I’m breaking up with you. We can be friends for a few more months—maybe even years. We can still hang out, and I’ll still be around. But you should know that I now have my eyes set elsewhere.
With waning love, and a depleting pocket book,
Emily
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Comments:
Aug '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
It's quite a stretch unless you are a bookworm ( It's a couple of hours drive northwest of Dallas), but Larry McMurtry has built a massive bookstore out in his hometown of Archer City TX.
Jul '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Emily Esfahani Smith, Ed.
But presumably the people leaving NY and CA are seeking refuge in TX from those very policies you fear they'll spread, right? · Dec 27 at 7:40am
That's why I mentioned "good sense and expedience with the predatory state" as the motivating factor. Having learned from bitter experience, they won't be voting for the Texas equivalant of Arnie, Jerry, Spitzer, the Cuomo syndicate, Pataki and so forth and so on. If they are unable to make this sacrifice, better to stay put.
Jul '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Experience, of course. Drat. It's those commercials sneaking onto your website.
May '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Emily Esfahani Smith, Ed.
You really think so? But think of all the things that strengthen state pride, like sports teams! · Dec 27 at 9:02am
Exactly so. Their loyalty lies with the laundry of the sports team and they root for whoever occupies the uniform. Michigan fans root just as hard for the kid from Des Moines, IA, as they do for a kid from Okemos, but only the latter is really a product of Michigan and truly represents the state.
What's worse are the politicians. When they campaign for federal office they will say, "I love my state and the people in her! I want to serve you and deliver her virtues to Washington!" Then when they lose reelection or just retire, they don't go home. They stay in suburban Maryland or Virginia. How much did Bill and Hillary love Arkansas? Mike Huckabee doesn't do his FOX show from Little Rock.
Sep '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
This comment hit a raw nerve with this native Kansan. We in the Sunflower State hear incessantly about Dorothy, tornados, bad scenery, including boring flatness. Kansas is not the flattest state (La. and Fl., depending on the source, are), and, there are only hills (the Flint Hills) thus no mountain scenery, and no ocean coastal scenery, but the scenery has its moments--often great sunsets for example--it's not just all hot and dirty.
It makes a difference where in Texas you wind up. Most people think Great Plains (hot and dirty), but here is some info about Texas from Wikipedia:
With 10 climatic regions, 14 soil regions, and 11 distinct ecological regions, regional classification becomes problematic with differences in soils, topography, geology, rainfall, and plant and animal communities.[9]
And Wiki lists 4 larger geographical regions:
Gulf Coastal Plains
Interior Lowlands
Great Plains
Basin and Range Province
As with KS, it's easy to generalize about TX-- but these bigger states often have hidden diversity.
Sep '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Just one quick affirming comment about cost of living 'round these parts--we bought a 2800 sq.ft. ranch-style home with 5.3 acres in the country for $200K here in South-Central Kansas.
Oct '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Emily Esfahani Smith, Ed.
But presumably the people leaving NY and CA are seeking refuge in TX from those very policies you fear they'll spread, right? · Dec 27 at 7:40am
I moved to California from Hawaii as a conservative in 1967, and left it for Colorado the same way in 1991. Sadly, so many other Coasters have moved here that I am now wondering if there is any safe haven. Governor, both senators, both houses of the legislature and half the congressmen are liberal Democrats. Note that Colorado is now a blue state with red enclaves, like here in Colorado Springs. But, the bacillus has all but killed the state. Texas? Perhaps it will take longer for the infection to conquer such a large state, but a lifetime of pessimism regarding the political and cultural future has not gone unsatisfied.
Jul '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Karl, you need to get out more. Say, to Lost Maples State Park in the Hill Country, which looks like this in the fall. Or down to Padre Island (not at spring break), where the weather is almost always favorable. Or to the Chisos Basin during the winter. Even the Texas Panhandle has its charms.
We prefer to leave most of the hot dirt to southern New Mexico.
Dec '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Synchronicity?
Deep in the heart of taxes
Why I won't move to New York
Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/deep_in_the_heart_of_taxes_7zwO5qNacrIHzz50LIfbsM#ixzz19LH2j5Nm
Dec '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Texan by birth and proud of it. Y'all come on down. Aside from the economics and the weather and the people and the scenery, it's just easier to live here because there is less disconnect between what we say and what we do.
Jun '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Emily: Wise decision. My son lived in Houston for a while (a city I would not recommend: wet, humidity, bugs), but Dallas is great (even if the dirt gets hot). Been there many times, and it's one the five or six cities I would consider if I ever had to leave the mountain west.
As your terrific break-up letter indicates, you've got nothing but upside. As to family, cheap plane tickets will be the cure.
And within a year, you'll be "ya'lling" with the best of them (ya'll is, to me, one of America's most endearing regionalisms). Makes you feel right at home.
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Stuart, that article, which I linked to and quoted, was definitely one of my inspirations in crafting my break up letter!
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Tabula, I'm with you on y'all. A very endearing--and convenient--turn of phrase.
Nov '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
I must defend my hometown. Moving away because of how expensive it is to live here is perfectly acceptable, but please, no grumpiness about the weather! Two observations about the 20+ inches of snow dumped on NYC overnight: 1.) people always remark with surprise how many people in Manhattan have dogs, but the thick stream of people going in and out of Central Park with sleds this morning was perhaps more incredible. Remember, we survive here without garages, basements, attics, with only the most meager amount of closet space in our tiny apartments -- to keep an unwieldy, cluttering sled in anticipation of the sort of snowfall that happens maybe once every five years or so is an expression of hope over mundane practicality. And 2.) the Chinese food delivery guys were out on their bikes in full force last night. Incredibly, reliably, deliciously, in the midst of a blizzard, you could still order in -- what happens in Texas?
Dec '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Aw, heck, ma'am, we just wander out back and wring the chicken's neck all personal like!
Nov '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
dxturner
Aw, heck, ma'am, we just wander out back and wring the chicken's neck all personal like! · Dec 27 at 1:52pm
Ya got me there -- at least you're sure your food is fresh!
Dec '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Sorry -- missed that quoted bit.
By the way, San Antonio seems like a very friendly city. It certainly is very accepting of portly-Americans. Those more inclined to the slender lifestyle probably would prefer Austin, which while not barbecue-deficient by any means, has a whole lot of lighter lifestyle choices.
Jul '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
C'mon down, Miss Emily. Thar's plenty of room. And I'm a great tour guide for the DFW area (especially Fort Worth). Born and bred.
But on one condition: You must hate all thangs oklahoma. The first joke every TEXAN learns is "Why doesn't TEXAS float off into the Gulf of Mexico? Because oklahoma sucks!"
After You get accustomed to "Y'all," then soon You'll be using the word "tumpt."
May '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Emily Esfahani Smith, Ed.
Ottoman Umpire: Sowell's challenge: if you cluster all these homes together (no mention of roads) into one contiguous mass, how big of an area would this cover?
The answer: Texas · Dec 27 at 9:16am
I love this, very charming! · Dec 27 at 9:29am
Addendum: Sowell's calculation was done in 1984, but the principle still holds. There are 269,000 square miles in Texas, or 7.5 trillion square feet. If the world has 7 billion people in it, then that leaves 1070 square feet person, or 4280 square feet, per family of four. A typical lot might be 50' x 100' = 5000 square feet, so you'd have to update Sowell to include Oklahoma or squeeze five people into the lot.
Jun '10
Re: My Breakup Letter to NYC
Sounds better than it reads, but seems apropos:
Edited on December 28, 2010 at 4:24am