It's never too soon to kill bad a idea. That said, I came across this list of Hollywood remakes in the works and decided it was time once again to address the issue of why some movies should never be remade.
There are two reasons:
- It was excellent the first time, and just like you'd never rewrite the great American novel, you'd never redo cinematic awesomeness.
- It was stupid the first time and just needs to die from memory.
Here is how this list squares against my standard:
Dredd (release date: Sept 21, 2012): Needs to die from memory.
Red Dawn (release date: Nov 21, 2012): My biggest concern is that my husband will want to go see it, and I didn't like it the first time around. Not because it was stupid necessarily, but... no wait it was stupid. Never mind.
Robocop (release date: Aug 9, 2013): No. Just no.
All Quiet On The Western Front (release date: 2013): No, this movie was excellent the first time. Also, Daniel Radcliffe is rumored to star, and he cannot possibly be an improvement on Lew Ayres.
A Star Is Born (release date: 2013): As far as I can tell, this will be the fourth remake of this film, and as appealing as Beyonce and Tom Cruise as her love interest might be, the remakes stopped being novel after Judy Garland. So no.
Point Break (release date: 2013): NO NO NO NO. Don't argue this, it was dumb the first time. Besides, how could one ever improve on the inspired writing that gave us lines like, "Back off War Child, seriously."?
American Werewolf In London (release date: 2014): No, it was great the first time.
Drop Dead Fred (release date: 2014): Great the first time. There is no conceivable way Russell Brand is going to be more impressive than Rik Mayall, who will always be Rick, from the Young Ones.
The NeverEnding Story (release date: 2014): HAHAHA!!! No. The best thing to come out of this movie was the theme song by Limahl, which I think says it all.
The Seven Samurai (release date: 2014): I'm offended they even suggest this.
American Psycho (release date: unknown): Bad the first time.
The Birds (release date: unknown): No. Excellent the first time. Only Hitchcock gets to remake Hitchcock films, according to @BrianFaughnan, and I agree.
Escape From New York (release date: unknown): No. Great the first time. You can't get better than Kurt Russell as Snake Plissken, or Donald Pleasence as the President, or Isaac Hayes as The Duke. The whole movie is actually really well cast. Check out The Duke's ride.
The Bodyguard (release date: unknown) This movie was so bad the first time, it almost warrants a redo. Almost.
Have a look at the list and let me know what you think.