Movies That Should Never Be Remade
It's never too soon to kill bad a idea. That said, I came across this list of Hollywood remakes in the works and decided it was time once again to address the issue of why some movies should never be remade.
There are two reasons:
- It was excellent the first time, and just like you'd never rewrite the great American novel, you'd never redo cinematic awesomeness.
or,
- It was stupid the first time and just needs to die from memory.
Here is how this list squares against my standard:
Dredd (release date: Sept 21, 2012): Needs to die from memory.
Red Dawn (release date: Nov 21, 2012): My biggest concern is that my husband will want to go see it, and I didn't like it the first time around. Not because it was stupid necessarily, but... no wait it was stupid. Never mind.
Robocop (release date: Aug 9, 2013): No. Just no.
All Quiet On The Western Front (release date: 2013): No, this movie was excellent the first time. Also, Daniel Radcliffe is rumored to star, and he cannot possibly be an improvement on Lew Ayres.
A Star Is Born (release date: 2013): As far as I can tell, this will be the fourth remake of this film, and as appealing as Beyonce and Tom Cruise as her love interest might be, the remakes stopped being novel after Judy Garland. So no.
Point Break (release date: 2013): NO NO NO NO. Don't argue this, it was dumb the first time. Besides, how could one ever improve on the inspired writing that gave us lines like, "Back off War Child, seriously."?
American Werewolf In London (release date: 2014): No, it was great the first time.
Drop Dead Fred (release date: 2014): Great the first time. There is no conceivable way Russell Brand is going to be more impressive than Rik Mayall, who will always be Rick, from the Young Ones.
The NeverEnding Story (release date: 2014): HAHAHA!!! No. The best thing to come out of this movie was the theme song by Limahl, which I think says it all.
The Seven Samurai (release date: 2014): I'm offended they even suggest this.
American Psycho (release date: unknown): Bad the first time.
The Birds (release date: unknown): No. Excellent the first time. Only Hitchcock gets to remake Hitchcock films, according to @BrianFaughnan, and I agree.
Escape From New York (release date: unknown): No. Great the first time. You can't get better than Kurt Russell as Snake Plissken, or Donald Pleasence as the President, or Isaac Hayes as The Duke. The whole movie is actually really well cast. Check out The Duke's ride.
The Bodyguard (release date: unknown) This movie was so bad the first time, it almost warrants a redo. Almost.
Have a look at the list and let me know what you think.
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Comments:
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
Wow. I had completely forgotten about "The NeverEnding Story." Having watched that video, I now -- at the remove of three decades -- understand why my parents always said they interpreted the title of that film as a threat.
May '11
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
Sorry to politicize, but I have concerns, especially with a movie like "all quiet on the western front," that hollywood will ruin it by "leftifying" the thing. It will be set in the middle east, and 3/4 of the movie will be the back-story of the guy who ultimately (SPOILER) shoots the main character in the head, and we will learn all about how American imperialism is really responsible for this poor kid's death.
It won't be a movie about sacrifice for the sake of a greater cause; it will be a movie, well, maybe it will be a veiled remake of Avatar.
Dec '10
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
It was definitely misnamed. It should have been The NeverEnding Movie.
Red Dawn has a cult following among some conservatives, no? The last time Mr. Chauvinist tried to show it to me and my sis and bil, we were all brain-dead liberals. I've been tempted to give it another go, but, given your assessment, I suspect I'd still hate it.
Dec '10
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
I've gotta disagree on The Neverending Story, but mostly because my dog sometimes looks like a luck dragon:
Apr '12
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
I loved Robocop with the shocking robot demo that went wrong. I believed that all of America had amazing corporate buildings with handsome business leaders plotting evil. The violence I thought could not be true or even close. Was it set in Detroit? A remake would be great but only if DeCaprio is the guy the demo Robocop shoots up by mistake in front of the board. All the Right Stuff was tremendous with the astronaut training and the families watching the space trips. They did the whole story well. I could see it redone. Any of the NASA stories should be retold every generation to remind them.
Aug '12
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
I'm more forgiving on the point. I tend to think the important question is "could we do it better given modern storytelling techniques?" I'll allow that SFX could matter too. On which grounds:
1.) Seven Samurai has already been remade into a superior (and shorter) film. It was called The Magnificent Seven. And it's been remade into a worse movie (it was called Battle Beyond the Stars). So I'm game to give a remake a shot.
2.) All Quiet on the Western Front has already been remade once (1979 for TV), and I thought that one was better than the 1930 version. I know, heresy. Get in line. So again, I'm willing to give a 2013 edition a shot.
3.) Robocop has some special effects problems, but it works astonishingly well on many levels. It is perhaps Paul Verhoeven's best movie, -so I'm not sure what we'd do better except make the pixels sparkle a bit and codify "Ladies, Leave" as the most hilarious line in cinema.
4.) Red Dawn suffers from severe over-acting and over-doing. But I'm not positive a more subtle film would work either.
Apr '11
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
How can people not like the Never Ending Story? Did you people not have childhoods? Maybe it came out when you were already adults so I will forgive you just this once.
Also Robo Cop is raw awesomeness...I can not possibly support the view that it was a bad movie. Though I agree it does not need to be remade. Just like Total Recall did not need to be remade.
I would like to point out that Seven Samurai has already been remade it is called the Magnificent Seven. In fact people are always remaking Kurasawa movies.
Does anyone really know why there is this craze in remakes? Are writers so bereft of ideas that they can't come up with something new?
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
I'd like to add to the list the following films that are so sacrosanct they must never be spoken of in the same conversation as a remake (not comprehensive):
Citizen Kane
Sargent York
To Catch A Thief
Blade Runner (I know a sequel is in the works, I will rant about that closer to release date)
Alien
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
The Godfather (1 and 2)
The Jerk
The Great Escape
2001
Young Dr. Frankenstein
Cool Hand Luke
The Departed
Mar '11
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
Dredd is a somewhat unique case. It is based on a comic book series that was very violent and very serious. Naturally, when they made it into a movie they chose to cast Rob Schneider as the "funny" sidekick. This choice epitomizes the shabby treatment the source material was given on this script. The remake is a much darker, much more violent, version that is much closer to the original stories. In addition, the star of the film is Karl Urban who excelled in The Lord of the Rings and Star Trek, where he played Dr. McCoy. Apparently Urban is a fan of the comics and was a driving force in getting the movie made this way.
Aug '10
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
Red Dawn was a great movie. Though I have yet to meet a woman who concurs, I have found about 5 times a year or so, a moment calls for a fist (or Kalashnikov) defiantly raised to the roar of "wolverines!" That said, it has a few scenes of melodrama that still make me cringe.
I had heard that the remake was scuttled because the invading army is Chinese but that a lot of Hollywood's financing comes from China and it didn't sit well with 600 million screaming chinamen. That might just be some blogger's paranoid explanation, but the movie was supposed to come out a few years ago and was put on hold.
Mar '12
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
I think the real story here is that the number of remakes, of both classics and dogs, show how the creative talent in Hwood has shriveled to the size of the children in Honey, I shrunk the Kids.
As a general rule, remakes suck. One exception I know is the remake of The Thing with Kurt Russell (1982) which was much truer to the book (and ergomuch scarier) than the 1951 original.
Mar '12
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
I would like to add
Forbidden Planet
To this list. It's a classic that modern special effects would ruin!
Apr '11
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
Red Dawn (release date: Nov 21, 2012): My biggest concern is that my husband will want to go see it, and I didn't like it the first time around. Not because it was stupid necessarily, but... no wait it was stupid. Never mind.
-WRONG WRONG AND DOUBLE WRONG!
-concept not perfect ( the presence of the Cuban Colonel, that didn't add up) but totally awesome
-it also embodies the reason some Japanese Admiral (Yamamoto?) in WW2 said they could never hope to invade the continental U.S. because there was a "rifle behind every blade of grass"
-it's kind of an indictment of what's wrong with America today by giving us a glimpse of everything that used to be right about it.
Aug '10
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
I almost didn't see Robocop when it first came out, until one of my more enlightened friends sat down to discuss it with me. My buddy, who is far more educated in the arts than I, had a great deal to say about the struggle Robocop had rediscovering his humanity. I went to see it and have loved it ever since. Looking forward to the updated version. "I'd buy that for a dollar."
The movie I would love to see remade is Starship Troopers, assuming they could hold with the storyline this time. The original was so atrocious that I prefer to believe that it was never made.
As for Judge Dredd - I compare this to the Batman franchise. Batman(1989) was ok, but was really an attempt to tone down the campy 1960's sitcom/ movie. The current trilogy (I've not seen DKR) tries to treat Batman with the seriousness that the character deserves. So my hope is that Judge Dredd (1995) is to Judge Dredd (2012) as Batman (1989) is to Batman Begins / Dark Knight / Dark Knight Rises
Oh and True Grit was awesome both times.
Jan '11
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
The In-Laws (1979).
Don't believe me? See The In-Laws (2003).
May '10
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
Nor Gone with the Wind or To Kill a Mockingbird.
Jun '10
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
I'm straying a bit beyond the topic (planned remakes) to some that should never ever be attempted no matter how much money is thrown at producers to do it:
Casablanca -- it would require a complete idiot to think that any two actors could improve on Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart (not to mention the rest of the cast).
Gone with the Wind -- ditto. You might replace Vivien Leigh, but Clark Gable? Don't even try.
Dr. Zhivago -- Only David Lean could make it. And there could never be another Lara better than Julie Christie.
Apr '11
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
FreeWifiDuringSermon: Red Dawn (release date: Nov 21, 2012): My biggest concern is that my husband will want to go see it, and I didn't like it the first time around. Not because it was stupid necessarily, but... no wait it was stupid. Never mind.
-WRONG WRONG AND DOUBLE WRONG!
-concept not perfect ( the presence of the Cuban Colonel, that didn't add up) but totally awesome
-it also embodies the reason some Japanese Admiral (Yamamoto?) in WW2 said they could never hope to invade the continental U.S. because there was a "rifle behind every blade of grass"
-it's kind of an indictment of what's wrong with America today by giving us a glimpse of everything that used to be right about it. · 6 minutes ago
Red-blooded American high school kids showing some gumption to defend the homeland from commies and play a little pick up football?
Most inspiring movie ever.
Edited on August 7, 2012 at 12:11amJun '10
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
Not fair, Briar. You beat me to Gone with the Wind by 30 seconds.
And I completely agree on To Kill a Mockingbird. I read the book and watch the movie every few years. Atticus Finch=Gregory Peck=Atticus Finch.
Let's repeal Obamacare and replace it with a law that prevents anyone from remaking these movies.
And while we're at it--the producer that's casting Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher (from the Lee Child novels), who is 6' 5" in the books, should be waterboarded.
Edited on August 7, 2012 at 12:14amAug '10
Re: Movies That Should Never Be Remade
Disagree with you on most of your points.
Dredd: Mandatory remake. 1st one failed to capture charm of 2000AD comics.
Red Dawn: Fine, make sure it remains crazy jingoistic. WOLVERINES!
Robocop: Yes please.
All Quiet On The Western Front: Why not? Looks like it might be good and we could use one that actually shows the horrors of war.
A Star Is Born: Wouldn't bother me, but unnecessary.
Point Break: The scene in the original where Keanu jumps out 0f the plane is classic. Will be fun.
American Werewolf In London: Yes. Effects are dated.
Drop Dead Fred: Agreed.
The NeverEnding Story: Story is wonderful. 1st movie failed to capture that, needs remake.
The Seven Samurai: Now's the time. Been done in anime to great success. Stop being precious. Pixar remake was great too.
American Psycho: Too soon.
The Birds: Won't have the same power in modern era.
Escape From New York: Been done. It's called Lockout.
The Bodyguard: Bodyguard from Beijing with Jet Li is a masterpiece based on this film, so yes.