More on Men
Yesterday at Hillsdale, I met a junior named James Markman. He's not any old junior. James was at Michigan State when Pat Tilman was killed in Afghanistan -- and he left to enlist in the Army. He became a medic with the 82nd airborne, and did 2 tours, in Iraq and Afghanistan. His brother has signed up to be a Marine officer, and his dad is a Michigan supreme court justice.
What's striking about James? I'd say it's exactly his manliness, and how it sets him apart both from others his age and our cliches about macho manliness. This is the kind of kid you'd like to have as a son, and pray to have as a son-in-law. Now pursuing his degree here, after which he wants to go to med school and maybe go back in the Army as a doctor.
The military isn't the only route to manliness, of course. To me a man is someone who doesn't run, who is willing to be uncool rather than give into the crowd, and whom his friends and family can depend on. But so many men today just don't stick it out, aren't there when you need them, and otherwise exist in extended adolescence. I wonder about this: so many children of privilege living in perpetual boyhood, and so many non-college kids who go off to the battlefield and come back knowing at a young age what life and death is really about. I'll just say it's nice to meet a strong one. And his father and mother should be very proud.
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Jun '10
Re: More on Men
Strong men are just boys who've stopped panicking every time they get scared. There's still fear, but they've learned to use their fear as motivation.
Oct '10
Re: More on Men
Check out this interesting article in the Daily Beast. Here are a couple of excerpts.
Kay Hymowitz has written a book titled “Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys.”
Nov '10
Re: More on Men
Men like Pat Tilman and James Markman probably have it in them to be good strong men no matter what society throws at them.
I wonder if a lot of other young men who can’t seem to grow up are enabled by social influences. As women have become more independent they also seem to have become more tolerant of male behavior their grandmothers would not have stood for. Male behavior, like the peacocks’ tail, can be designed by the sexual selection of females.
Mothers as well as girl friends shape some men’s behavioral development. A mother I know allowed her son to live in the family home until he was 45. Finally, to get him out, she bought him a house which he refused to live in for another 2 years until she literally kicked him out of her house. He’s a nice person but a mess of a man. I wonder what how much better off he’d be if she’d kicked him out when he was 18.
When she complains about her son’s laziness I have to bite my tongue to keep from telling her that he is her creation.
Re: More on Men
Teejaw, that situation you described sounds like a sitcom.
Re: More on Men
About the only thing I regret in my life was not spending at least some time in the armed forces. Luckily I've been able to go to Iraq, Afghanistan, and some other places to entertain the troops. It doesn't give me the manliness that Bill is talking about but it sure helps me appreciate it.
Well, OK, I regret a lot of things I did, but that's one of the only things I didn't do that causes regret.
Dec '10
Re: More on Men
Well, when our government thinks that we should be on our family's health care plan until we're 26, that gives you an idea of the infantile state that my generation's men are in.
More to the point, I feel that strong men try to avoid temptation and the easy way out. Strong men think of his fellow man and those who he loves, before thinking about himself.
A strong man doesn't mind helping out a buddy when he's in trouble, but doesn't expect handouts in return. He treats the women in his life with the respect they deserve--if they do deserve it--and not like objects. He knows how to hold his liquor, love his country, worship his God--if that's your cup o' tea--and fight for what he believes. Even when he is outnumbered.
A strong man is a good man.
Edited on Mar 1, 2011 at 9:51amMay '10
Re: More on Men
If I could boil it down to one word, to me being a man means being responsible.
Being a woman, of course, means being responsible too. However, some differences in the details emerge from the different roles and expectations given to men and women. And I fully believe there are differences of importance. For example, in a family, the man is expected to be responsible for the woman's well being in ways that she is not responsible for his. A man should be strong and know how to use force, but only when necessary. He is normally gentle with an air of inner strength and confidence.
In spite of the differences in roles, as a man I am not afraid to do things others might consider a woman's job, out of a false sense of machismo. If it's the responsible thing to do, I'll do it.
Boys need other men to mentor them first in a general sense of responsibility, and then also in the details of what that means for a man.
May '10
Re: More on Men
Exactly.
I aspire to be half as responsible as my older brother. At some point, I realized that being the younger of two sons meant that I was always a helper, never the instigator of action. When something needed to be done, the job was given to the eldest son and my role was merely to assist. That pattern developed bad habits.
For those of you with multiple kids, I recommend ensuring every child is made responsible for both regular tasks and new ones which require initiative and independent problem-solving. Boys in particular need to learn to be go-getters.
Role models are important. John Wayne's character in McLintock is a good example of manhood. Defiance is another good film about manhood. Oh, and Patton, of course.
Jun '10
Re: More on Men
Here's a modern view of young "manhood."
My daughter's band played a gig Saturday at a NYC bar packed with college kids. Raucous & fun. My husband & I were there with a group of friends and our daughter stopped by the table to chat for a while. She told me that the minute we said our good-byes, a guy charged over to her, saying "I was waiting for your dad to leave. I didn't want to hit on you with him there." She said, "And this is supposed to impress me???" Sadly, the guy was from West Point.
The pickings are slim when even service academy men advertise that they are just taller adolescents.
Nov '10
Re: More on Men
Yeah, except a sitcom might at least be funny.