Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Lee Rodgers, I'm told, gets credit for the quote "Never Fall In Love With A Politician. They Will Break Your Heart."
Ladies & Gentlemen: Mitt Romney and the Heartbreakers. Mitt: the L.D.S. with L.S.S. (Lead Singer Syndrome). Girls want to be with him. Guys want to be like him. But the rest of the band can't stand him. And yes, they the are even perhaps envious. What good is he? What has he really ever done? Why is he such a prima donna? He certainly doesn't write the songs. He just sings them. He's Roger Daltry. Where's Pete Townsend the song writer? John Entwistle the master techician? Or Keith Moon, the charismatic backbone of the campaign? The risk taker?
Well Keith withdrew from consideration long ago downing 32 sedatives after telling his girlfriend to "F-off" for not making him breakfast. Even if he had lived, the baggage of showing up to Canter's Deli in the SS uniform would haunt him. John Entwistle died in the Hardrock Hotel with a stripper from a cocaine induced heart attack. And the song writer? He was doing so well until that 2003 kiddie porn arrest. That leaves us with Roger Daltry to get behind. The rest have broken our hearts.
Michelle Bachman wanted to be the lead singer. It's the stuff she says between songs that breaks your heart. Johne Wayne Gacey should not be a footnote in any one's campaign: heart breaking.
Rick Perry. He's got gubernatorial chops and a string of hits with the Texas' alternative employment scene. It's trendy to lose jobs, but Texas bucks the trend and adds them. In Texas, business enjoys a Woodstock like freedom and Rick looked like our guru. How did he break hearts? Clams! Too many clams on stage! If Buddy Rich was his band leader, he'd have sat out the next 3 debates without pay.
Herman Cain? He came in like Bob Marley. He was all things to all people. Then he went out like Chris Brown. He'll always be around, but tainted. Damn! Heartbreaking!
Ron Paul: Opening Act. He pushes the boundaries, making the headliner take notice, but he'll always be a fringe act - too bad. Some of his songs are excellent. But some suck and are not worth listening too.
Then there's Newt. I admit. I fell for Newt. He was pure punk rock. The more people hated him, the more I liked him. Screw the establishment!!! He's talented. He writes songs. He's got hits. Who cares about the various duds in his back catalog? We're talking about a brand new tour that's going to set records!!! I was into Newt before it was cool.
What happened? I guess the competition got to him. When the front man sees someone else catching the spotlight, things get weird. He may have a great show now and then before the tour's over, but, but attacking Mitt from the left is like Sid Vicious reporting Johnny Rotton for trashing a hotel room. At that point, I'm out. My heart is broken.
Why'd ya do it Sid? Did Nancy put you up to this? I'm truly heart broken. In fact, I'm actually disgusted. Now I'm barely paying attention. I don't want to be hurt again.
Rick Santorum?
He's like the new keyboard player. He's Dizzy from Guns & Roses. He's talented and sweet. There's nothing really wrong with him. But who's going pay to see him? Better stick to soft ticket events. He's not a rock star. Not his fault, but heartbreaking none the less. No one's denying his chops.
Huntsman? Who wants to listen to his mid-tempo turds? He's the Kenny G of this outfit. Run for your lives, it's a sax solo!!!
That leaves us with Mitt. He's acquired plenty of good material and he sells tickets. What about his faulty back catalog? There are a lot of deep cuts in there. When he crosses over to a broader audience, his deep cuts will hardly be a factor. People like a catchy chorus. His base will be left with "at least it's not disco."
- Comment (21)
- · Quote
- · UnfollowFollow (0)
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
Comments :
Jul '11
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Then I get on my knees and pray, we won't get fooled again......Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
Nov '10
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Love this essay, Joe. But still ... the rest of the band and the base can't stand him. I think I'd prefer disco.... so I'm screwed.
Sep '10
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Mitt Romney is Pat Boone.
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
I was thinking, great, I'll turn Mitt into Pat Boone, but you're right, he already is Pat Boone.
Sep '10
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Great use of The Who, BTW. Not to be misunderstood as a conservative band, The Who was a counter-culture band to the counter-culture of the times. "The Seeker" and "Don't Get Fooled Again" are just two of many songs by Townsend and the boys poking fun at the Hippie movement, et al of the late 60's and 70's. Now back to the previously scheduled topic...
Jul '11
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
By the way Joe, this was a very funny idea well carried out.
Apr '11
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Joe Escalante:
What happened? I guess the competition got to him. When the front man sees someone else catching the spotlight, things get weird. He may have a great show now and then before the tour's over, but, but attacking Mitt from the right is like Sid Vicious reporting Johnny Rotton for trashing a hotel room. At that point, I'm out. My heart is broken.
Why'd ya do it Sid? Did Nancy put you up to this? I'm truly heart broken. In fact, I'm actually disgusted. Now I'm barely paying attention. I don't want to be hurt again.
My guess is that you want to make a one word edit. ;-)
Oct '11
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
And here I thought Perry was the deaf, dumb, and blind one! Just joshin'!
But if Mitt's Tommy, then so be it. Got a feeling 2012 is gonna be a good year. Especially if Mitt and Marco see it in together. I have no reason to be over optimistic...
Edited on Jan 18 at 12:23amMay '11
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
The immaculate conditions these candidates leave their hotel rooms means they're nothing like the Who. It would be awesome to see Mitt Romney do the patented Roger Daltry mic chord twirl.
Oct '10
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Newt's biggest mistake was attacking Mitt from the Left (Bain).
Mar '11
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Ron Paul is pretty good as long as he's doing covers. When he starts performing the stuff he wrote himself...wait...he didn't write all that stuff? Somebody else wrote it, and he doesn't know who? How does that happen?
Joe Escalante: I was thinking, great, I'll turn Mitt into Pat Boone, but you're right, he already is Pat Boone. · Jan 17 at 11:07pm
Neil Diamond, maybe.
"The folks that don't listen to our music will love this guy."
Yeah, but if I have to listen to I Am -- I Said one more time, I'm going start a Slim Whitman tribute band.
And Huntsman? Not on sax -- Huntsman was born to play the bass clarinet.
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Fun post. But I can't believe you're behind the John Wayne thing as a gaffe.
Sep '10
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Joe,
Sorry to quibble with an otherwise fun post (on second thought I'm not...read on), but as a longtime fan of the Who (saw them debut Tommy at the Electric Factory in Philadelphia with about 500 others) and a huge fan of Peter Townsend, this, "And the song writer? He was doing so well until that 2003 kiddie porn arrest". is unfair. He was arrested, but the authorities didn't prosecute him because he proved that he did not visit the site because he is some kind of pervert.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be falsely accused of being a pedophile and have millions of people assume that just because there was an arrest that I was somehow guilty. It just isn't appropriate to advance this detail. Say something about his big nose...his devotion to Meher Baba,...something besides that horrible reference. As recompense for this, Joe, I refer you to this. It isn't much of a punishment as it is informative and well written, and reveals Townsend's kind and artistic nature.
P.S. I'm glad top see that we can now say "F-off" here on Ricochet
Dec '11
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Newt still sounds like the only concert worth seeing. If he doesnt come to town, I will just download some classical from HDtracks and wait for the next tour season.
Of course I have a softspot for punk rock and all the brawls and rowdiness that goes with it. If you cant get a 70K person crowd to bounce around like the turbulant sea you arent doing it right. Its not a concert until you get your head stomped on, throw a bottle, punch your best friend in the face, and rage at a world gone wrong.
dang,
I need to go turn on my stereo.
Edited on Jan 18 at 5:11amOct '10
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Mitt's not disco? I submit that his chief political talent is "stayin' alive, stayin' alive, ah ha ha ha, stayin' aliiiive".
Oct '11
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
That bothered me too, Franco, as did the "e"-less Daltrey, though we've all spelled Zeppelin with two "l"s at some point. Still a fun morning read, Joe.
Sep '10
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
This is a fun game
Romney = Steve Miller. He keeps getting to the top of the charts with the most bland, cliche songs, and no one who understands music can understand why.
Ron Paul = Prince
Rick Perry = Toby Keith
Newt Gingrich = Genesis. Has epic and creative songs, but everyone knows him for his worst ones.
Rick Santorum = Andy Williams
Herman Cain = ZZ Top
Michele Bachman = Joan Jett Hard-rocker too tough for the mainstream and not especially creative.
Jon Huntsman = Air Supply
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
My bad. It's so weird my brain has a problem with it.
James Of England
Joe Escalante:
What happened? I guess the competition got to him. When the front man sees someone else catching the spotlight, things get weird. He may have a great show now and then before the tour's over, but, but attacking Mitt from the right is like Sid Vicious reporting Johnny Rotton for trashing a hotel room. At that point, I'm out. My heart is broken.
Why'd ya do it Sid? Did Nancy put you up to this? I'm truly heart broken. In fact, I'm actually disgusted. Now I'm barely paying attention. I don't want to be hurt again.
My guess is that you want to make a one word edit. ;-) · Jan 17 at 11:58pm
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
I think the Ricochet crowd is sophisticated enough to know that "charges" are just "charges." Nobody thinks that Pete "fiddles about." As for the spelling of these hippies and their bands' names, I could give a rats [patootie]. Sadly no one caught the Dizzy/Izzy typo, so you're all fired.
Edited on Jan 18 at 10:11amSep '10
Re: Mitt Romney & The Heartbreakers
Really? The Ricochet crowd isn't that sophisticated, Joe. I've interacted with some of them. So you want to push back hard on my mild rebuke. You want to gratuitously bring up something about a charge of pedophilia and expect that it doesn't matter. Cute.
I'm just so glad I can now say "I don't give a rat's ass" and "F-Off" and not be redacted by the prudes here. Punk rules!