Miles To Go
As a study of the exotic, it's hard to beat the average truck stop. Taken as a group, truckers are an eclectic bunch. There are a huge number of veterans like yours truly, for whom trucking has enough similarities to a deployment to make it a comfortable fit. There are the cowboy types, complete with hats, belt buckles, pointy-toed boots, and a steely-eyed stare that would turn the Marlboro Man into a first class bed wetter. We have biker types complete with chained wallets and leather everything. We've got couples who decided to tour the country together, and people who elected to escape the Dilbert hell of the office cubicle and aquaint themselves with manual labor. Walking into most truck stops for the first time, you might wonder if you had stumbled upon a Village People convention, or chastize yourself for not bringing any Halloween candy. You could rope us off and charge admission just to watch.
But listening is half the fun. Stuck in New Jersey this morning, after writing Gov. Christie regarding the "No Idling" laws here, I was approached by another military retiree. He noticed my hat with my military paraphernalia displayed, showed me his Army hat, and we struck up a conversation over coffee. It took about a minute for him to wind into his sales pitch regarding a health supplement he was hawking. It contained zinc, magnesium something or other, genuine doogamafletchits, and came with a free bottle of milk of gymnasium, I think. I politely explained that I had spent all my money on the hula doll sitting on my CB, and excused myself.
I remember several years back, a Ross Perot sounding guy with a giant cowboy hat sat at the food counter in Cordelle, GA, and explained the root of terrorism. "You see, you got yer Jews, and you got yer Moslems, and you got yer Genitals." I started to correct him on this last group, but thought better of it. "The problem is," continued our expert, "that the Moslems hate the Genitals, and as long as you got people that hate the Genitals, they just gonna keep blowing they selves up!" Unable to stifle the mischief, I said, "But President Clinton liked the Genitals." To which our teacher shot back,"But he ain't Moslem, so that don't count." I know when I've been bested, so I shut up and went back to eating grits.
Just a few minutes ago, a very heavy set gentleman got down, layer by layer, out of his truck. He did some odd looking stretching exercises, and then retrieved a jump rope out the tool box. It wasn't pretty, but he managed several minutes of jumping, sometimes landing on the rope, but often times not. He wasn't ridiculed, nor stared at, nor mocked in any fashion on the CB or in person. He is simply making the best use of the limited time he has, which come to think of it, is not a bad approach to life itself.
I've had a few hours of down time today, and spent most of it just soaking in the conversation on Ricochet. What a wonderful, diverse yet strikingly intelligent and articulate group of people have gathered here. A cross section of America in every good sense. I bask in your wisdom and delight in your company. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to pick up 32,000 or so pounds of paper towels and toilet paper and head for Chicago.
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Comments :
Jun '10
Re: Miles To Go
If you've seen it, I'd be curious to know what you think about the History Channel's "Ice Road Truckers." Maybe they hype the dangers for drama, but they seem to take a lot of unnecessary risks, like driving 50mph when they can barely see over the hood of the cab, or relying on momentum alone to climb ice-coated hills. No paycheck seems worth doing that over and over. Luck runs out.
May '10
Re: Miles To Go
Love this! Thanks for the read!
Jun '10
Re: Miles To Go
Wow! Now I understand why Jesus chose the 12 Apostles from the ranks of the Jews. Imagine trying to spread the gospel surrounded by Genitals!
Jun '10
Re: Miles To Go
Romans 11:11-14
11 Again I ask: Did they stumble so as to fall beyond recovery? Not at all! Rather, because of their transgression, salvation has come to the Genitals to make Israel envious. 12 But if their transgression means riches for the world, and their loss means riches for the Genitals, how much greater riches will their fullness bring! 13 I am talking to you Genitals. Inasmuch as I am the apostle to the Genitals, I make much of my ministry 14 in the hope that I may somehow arouse my own people to envy and save some of them.
Aug '10
Re: Miles To Go
The post started out funny by itself. But it just keeps getting funnier!
Jul '10
Re: Miles To Go
This post alone was well worth the price of admission. How about a post of "No Idling Genitals[?]"
Jun '10
Re: Miles To Go
Any reference to genitals shall be severely circumcised--the management.
May '10
Re: Miles To Go
A thousand years from now the great civilizations of the Genitals will lie in ruins, disturbed only by those who seek treasure among the wastes. On the good side, there will be a booming market in Genitalia.
Jul '10
Re: Miles To Go
Let me get this straight. Instead of correcting him, you let him appear the fool and then you make fun of him for it?
That's the very definition of class.
I'm sure you never met anyone smarter than you.
Jul '10
Re: Miles To Go
Dave Carter, you are a great story teller! Thanks.
Michael Tee: your poor brain is missing out on the part that provides the rest of us with a sense of humour.
May '10
Re: Miles To Go
Michael Tee: Let me get this straight. Instead of correcting him, you let him appear the fool and then you make fun of him for it?
That's the very definition of class.
I'm sure you never met anyone smarter than you. · Aug 5 at 7:02pm
(sigh) If Dave had said they guy's name and then went on about what an idiot he was, then I'd see your point.
Jul '10
Re: Miles To Go
Dave Carter:
"You see, you got yer Jews, and you got yer Moslems, and you got yer Genitals." I started to correct him on this last group, but thought better of it. "The problem is," continued our expert, "that the Moslems hate the Genitals, and as long as you got people that hate the Genitals, they just gonna keep blowing they selves up!"
You know, on some level, that actually is a pretty pithy cultural analysis of the Middle East.
May '10
Re: Miles To Go
Dave this isn't exactly a truck stop, but if you're ever in the neighborhood, I recommend it...
http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/210/1065438/restaurant/Missouri/Polk-SALAD-Annies-Humansville
Jun '10
Re: Miles To Go
This saddens me. Michael I have a friend who is a paranoid-schizophrenic, we talk whenever he comes by. Two things that I make allowance for is that his short term memory is the pits and when he's off his meds his conversation is hilarious. Now, when I am with him I never laugh, but once he's gone there are times when I just howl. Michael, this man is a friend of mine, and I treat him with respect, but are you saying I shouldn't laugh when he says some genuinely funny things on topics such as the CIA, the FBI, the Mounties, and MI-6 (which he refers to as em-sixteen). Perhaps it would be better for him if I like everyone else, and I admit that I, too, at first, shunned him. Malapropisms are often very funny, and humour is one of the best parts of being human for it humbles us all.
Re: Miles To Go
I love this story, Dave. Please keep them coming!
But I have to ask -- because you and I are fans of the southern cuisine -- how were the grits?
May '10
Re: Miles To Go
Dave I love your posts. I run a trucking company in the UK and you constantly remind me that a lot of our drivers are smarter than the management they report to.
May '10
Re: Miles To Go
That was a fun read. Which is all the comment I can make at a quarter to 2am.
May '10
Re: Miles To Go
Isn't anyone going to tell him not to be a genital?
Michael Tee: Let me get this straight. Instead of correcting him, you let him appear the fool and then you make fun of him for it?
That's the very definition of class.
I'm sure you never met anyone smarter than you. · Aug 5 at 7:02pm
OH COME ON, SOMEONE HAD TO!
Jul '10
Re: Miles To Go
According to the Code of Conduct
Personal attacks on an individual, group, or class are not allowed.
Jul '10
Re: Miles To Go
Oh. and my point stands.
I hope I never have the misfortune of meeting Mr. Carter in person.
If some of you find watching "America's Funniest Home Videos" where every clip shows a gentlemen getting whacked in the privates funny, then I will have to have a different sense of humor than you.
But then I don't make $150K per year.