Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
A tipster sent me a link to this item about Ashton Kutcher, who is apparently preparing for Armageddon by taking Muay Thai lessons and doing yoga:
Kutcher discovered combat training Krav Maga last year as he prepared to tone up for his role in "Killers" and now he's obsessed with running, Bikram yoga and Muay Thai fighting with the French national champion - and he insists he's committed to his extreme workouts, so he can dominate in desperate times.
The 32 year old tells Men's Fitness magazine, "It will not take much for people to hit the panic button. The amount of convenience that people rely on based on electricity alone. You start taking out electricity and satellites, and people are going to lose their noodle."
I think I was expected to scoff at this. I don't. Bikram yoga won't help much, but I perfectly agree that responsible people should be prepared for power outages. I interrupt Ricochet's regularly scheduled programming to remind our members to check that they have on hand flashlights, batteries, a two-week supply of clean water, canned food, a first-aid kit and any essential medication they might need. It's just common sense.
"I stay fit for no other reason than to save the people I care about," says Kuchner. It's a nice thing to say, no reason to laugh at him for it. Not that much, anyway. It at least suggests that he's groping at having a motivation for doing this beyond the purely narcissistic, or feels obliged to suggest that he does.
Interestingly, however, the history of disasters suggests that people don't lose their noodles--in fact, natural disasters seem often to bring out the best in people. So my advice to Ashton would be to focus on first-aid skills rather than Muay Thai.
And you can never have too many water purification tablets.
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Dec '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
Well, that was rather thoughtful of you.
May '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
The Red Cross and US Govt have reasonably adequate emergency supply checklists that are lacking in only one element. Be sure you have a sturdy knife and sharpening stone. If it's a folding knife, be sure the blade will lock securely so it doesn't fold up on you while you're using it.
May '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
Mai tais are pretty good protection. Tip for those visiting Haiti: tonic water has anti-malarial properties. That's why it's called tonic, cause it's intended to be medicinal. And bringing along some gin doesn't hurt. Kills germs and cleans arteries. Also makes you really, really awesome and funny.
May '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
Ashton, Don't forget the botox for Demi, and a private jet fuel depot for your Gulfstream.
Nov '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
My only response is: Who the devil is Ashton Kuchner?
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
Bikram yoga will only help if, in fact, the earth turns into a fireball. Then all those Bikram-ites with their experience dealing with intense heat will really clean up.
But I wonder about this: in preparing for the Event (whatever it is: fire, pestilence, snow....) I have the basics -- water, food, bleach, cooking fuel, first aid kid, batteries, portable radio, etc. But what about protection?
What about a gun? And I wonder if Ashton is thinking the same thing.
May '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
Damned straight. I don't have a gun either. And the dog has frankly lost a few steps. First looting venue in an apocalypse situation is the gun store. Right down the street.
Dec '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
Also the least likely to be looted successfully by unarmed looters. As Billie Holiday pointed out, "Them's that got shall get, them's that not shall lose -- so the Bible says, and it still is news."
Oct '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
Rob Long: Bikram yoga will only help if, in fact, the earth turns into a fireball. Then all those Bikram-ites with their experience dealing with intense heat will really clean up.
But I wonder about this: in preparing for the Event (whatever it is: fire, pestilence, snow....) I have the basics -- water, food, bleach, cooking fuel, first aid kid, batteries, portable radio, etc. But what about protection?
What about a gun? And I wonder if Ashton is thinking the same thing. · Dec 30 at 8:22am
By all means, Rob. If you feel you might need a gun get one. But remember two things: You need Ammunition abut most importantly you need education and training in its use.
You don't become a proficient musician by buying a guitar. Same thing holds with just about everything.
If you are concerned about defense get a shotgun. You can get one for a third or a fourth of the cost of a black rifle. Handguns are less effective because they are underpowered and hard to hit with.
Nov '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
Whenever I hear of someone obsessed with preparing for apocalyptic scenarios by honing their bodies to a fine edge, I can't help but think of the scene from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in which Indiana Jones is confronted by the giant swordsman in the marketplace. It was the most comically poignant demonstration of the importance of weapon selection ever.
If the chaos Ashton imagines should ever occur, someone with a .45 will eat his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Sep '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
J. C. Casteel: Whenever I hear of someone obsessed with preparing for apocalyptic scenarios by honing their bodies to a fine edge, I can't help but think of the scene from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in which Indiana Jones is confronted by the giant swordsman in the marketplace. It was the most comically poignant demonstration of the importance of weapon selection ever.
If the chaos Ashton imagines should ever occur, someone with a .45 will eat his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. · Dec 30 at 2:34pm
JC Casteel,
I assume that as a man of refined Federal investigative tastes you preferred Michael Mann's Manhunter -- and Brian Cox's performance -- to The Silence of the Lambs? If you also like single malt Scotch, we may be relatives. Would you like to leave me your home phone number?
Edited on Dec 30, 2010 at 4:50pmNov '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
Pseudodionysius
J. C. Casteel: Whenever I hear of someone obsessed with preparing for apocalyptic scenarios by honing their bodies to a fine edge, I can't help but think of the scene from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in which Indiana Jones is confronted by the giant swordsman in the marketplace. It was the most comically poignant demonstration of the importance of weapon selection ever.
If the chaos Ashton imagines should ever occur, someone with a .45 will eat his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. · Dec 30 at 2:34pm
JC Casteel,
I assume that as a man of refined Federal investigative tastes you preferred Michael Mann's Manhunter -- and Brian Cox's performance -- to The Silence of the Lambs? If you also like single malt Scotch, we may be relatives. Would you like to leave me your home phone number? · Dec 30 at 4:48pm
Edited on Dec 30 at 04:50 pm
Yes, I was a Hannibal fan long before it was cool, but not because I believed we shared demons. I probably have more in common with Michael Kelso.
Edited on Dec 30, 2010 at 9:09pmAug '10
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
Just curious: How many Ricochet members own cabins in the woods?
I do, but it's been in my family for over 75 years now, so it probably doesn't count.
Still, my dad likes to tell stories about how he and my uncle would spend the entire summer up there as teenagers, with no electricity or running water. The only food (so they claim) they took with them was some powdered milk and some oatmeal. The rest they got from the lake or from the local farmers.
Now, if my father the glasses-wearing nerdlinger could do it, surely I could do it as well! Right?
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
Pseudodionysius
I assume that as a man of refined Federal investigative tastes you preferred Michael Mann's Manhunter -- and Brian Cox's performance -- to The Silence of the Lambs? · Dec 30 at 4:48pm
I won't say a word against Silence, which I thought was a masterpiece of directorial efficiency (might be because I saw it in a double feature followed by Dances With Wolves), but Brian Cox’s delivery of the line “Do you dream much, Will?” is orders of magnitude scarier than anything in Silence.
I have two questions no one has been ever able to answer for me about Manhunter.
1) Why did Mann not use the ending of Red Dragon? Skip the rest of this section if you're spoiler-phobic. In the book, Dolarhyde disappears after the fire, assumed dead. But he's tracked Graham's family to Florida. He pops up, ambushes maims Graham, and tries to kill his wife, who, well…
Ok, that's just awesome pulp writing, but also an incredibly cinematic ending. I assume Mann didn't want the "the killer's not really dead!" cliché which Halloween did so well, it was beaten to death shortly thereafter.
Re: Memo to Ashton Kutcher: You'll Also Want Water Purification Tablets
2) Why did Mann (I know, a notorious tinkerer with his movies) edit out the line that was the moral heart of the movie for the DVD version (the VHS has it)? At one point, Graham is explaining how you get a serial killer like Dolarhyde, and his boss says:
Anyway, the lines don't appear in the book, but is about the greatest refutation of tout comprendre est tout pardonner in popular culture in the last 50 years. Did Mann find it too heavy-handed? Was it William Petersen's rather hesitant line reading that offended him aesthetically? Got me…
Edited on Mar 24, 2011 at 10:39pm