"Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
Michael Labeit ·
Aug 29, 2011 at 1:33pm
You're a grunt in perhaps the most benighted place in Asia outside of North Korea. You've been tasked with putting a damper on a hostile insurgency so that a resolutely corrupt central government may continue to engender corruption, albeit in the absence of outside interference. They've taken away your fire support. They've taken away your close air support. Now, they've revoked your right to pass "audible" gas around Afghans, lest you offend the sophisticated preferences of a people who, in the great toilet paper vs. hands debate, have chosen to stick with the latter.
The likely reactions of combat Marines to this requisition are better imagined then described.
Unbelievable.
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Comments :
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
Depends whether you want to win a war. If you do, it's best not to alienate the people you need to work with. Me, I appreciate advice that helps me avoid needlessly giving offense to people with whom I'm trying to build a cooperative relationship. I suspect I'd appreciate it even more if many lives depended upon my building a reasonably good relationship with them.
Edited on Aug 29, 2011 at 4:40amMar '11
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
I know it is perhaps juvenile, but I guess SBD's are acceptable to the Afghanis?
Jun '10
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
And whatever you do, don't pass wind in front of the Afghan pedophiles who are sizing up young boys. You might put them off their task.
Jun '10
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
Is there some Afghani tradition that frowns on gas passing? The women may be offended, but I've never met another male who didn't think an audible passing of methane was not hilarious. It's a genetic as opposed to a cultural thing.
I'll bet those Taliban guys have a set a few on fire.
May '10
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
I'm more disgusted by the willingness to micromanage the behavior of military personnel in an already losing endeavor. Policymakers haven't yet understood the errors they've committed in Afghanistan, but they sure as hell want to make sure that Marine flatulence is prohibited. Priorities.
Edited on Aug 29, 2011 at 12:39pmDec '10
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
Won't work. My mother-in-law has been trying to ban it for years, meeting with less success than Prohibition.
Oct '10
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
On the plus side, this policy could generate some much needed economic activity.
Jun '10
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
What Afghanis don't fart? Humans produce on average 1/2 litre of methane gas daily. It's got to go somewhere. If "the Brass" were truly concerned, they would issue the following as standard equipment, along with the body armor...
"In 1998, Chester "Buck" Weimer of Pueblo, Colorado received a patent for the first undergarment that contained a replaceable charcoal filter. The undergarments are air-tight and provide a pocketed escape hole in which a charcoal filter can be inserted.[16] In 2001 Mr Weimer received the Ig Nobel Prize for Biology for his invention"
Claire, you are kidding, aren't you?
Mar '11
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
Being good Marines I'm sure most will do their level best to comply, but you know if this was brought up on any American university campus there would be a 1st amendment case being filed as we speak.
Dec '10
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
Hmm. Seems sensible. We should probably limit the Afghan's contact with U.S. Congressmen, as well.
May '10
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
How frivolous is the dedication of these Afghan civilians? They'll abandon an undertaking that's 10 years in the making to remove the insurgency because their American colleagues relieve themselves too discernibly?
Oct '10
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
Claire Berlinski, Ed.: Depends whether you want to win a war. If you do, it's best not to alienate the people you need to work with. Me, I appreciate advice that helps me avoid needlessly giving offense to people with whom I'm trying to build a cooperative relationship. I suspect I'd appreciate it even more if many lives depended upon my building a reasonably good relationship with them. · Aug 29 at 4:39am
Edited on Aug 29 at 04:40 am
Good manners at the dinner or negotiating table is of mutual benifit in building relationships. This is a fools errand in battle conditions. This will do nothing when factoring in the the cultural chasm that exists.
May '10
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
I promise you, no war will be won or be reduced in difficulty because of this initiative.
Edited on Aug 29, 2011 at 2:46pmJul '11
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
Please, do not deflate us with the flatus.
Aug '10
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
I guess it gives a whole new meaning to "Khyber Pass" (cultural notice-the aforementioned is a passage between Afghanistan and Pakistan which in Cockney rhyming slang means "ass", immortalised on my side of the Atlantic in the hilariously low-brow movie "Carry On Up The Khyber").
Aug '11
Re: "Marine Corps Bans Audible Farting in Afghanistan"
Now it's all coming together. During December, 2010, the USMC website www.marines.mil had this article, "Silent but deadly: Marines enhance room clearing skills".
On the one hand, the Marine Corps is exploring the use of non-audible flatulence as a weapon while discouraging audible wind as rude. But isn't this a violation of the chemical weapons ban? Or is it acceptable since the chemical is organically produced by the infantryman?