Her courage inspired me to share the other side of the story – I am the baby.
No, I am not the child she lovingly carried and gave up for adoption, but I am the baby that someone in similar circumstances carried and gave up for adoption. To all on Ricochet who ever considered or has friends, family, or loved ones that are considering adopting, but mostly for Mom – this post is for you.
I was born in 1967 when children out of wedlock wasn’t cool and abortion was still taboo. What little I know about my biological parents is that they were college students. She was in music and they were German and Italian, but I don’t know who was from where. They were studying in the Northwest.
Consistent with the times she "went away to study" for a year. Apparently that is how it was handled then. My biological Mother lived with family in San Francisco while she was pregnant.
The adoption was arranged through an attorney before I was born. My Mom explains that one of the reasons it went through was my Italian bloodline and my Father is second generation Italian. That seems shallow now, but then it was apparently important. My Father and I do share some Italian resemblance, but Mom and I look nothing alike. I used to hear jokes growing up that I looked like the milkman or mailman.
My parents (I don’t make the distinction about biological vs. adoptive because Love makes parents) couldn’t have children. I don’t know why, I don’t care, and it doesn’t matter why they couldn’t have children. They divorced when I was three and I grew up with Mom and Grandmother in St. Louis. I am an only child.
Mom told me I was adopted around the time I turned 9, 4th grade. First I thought it was cool because I was chosen. The highlights of the story for those considering adoption:
Love Makes Parents – Not Biology
My Mom is Mom and Dad is Dad because they love me and she raised me. We don’t share any genes and I don’t care because love makes parents, not biology. If you are considering adoption and concerned that your child may be distant or disconnected, just love them with all your heart. God gave you and a child a special opportunity; cherish it and honor Him and the rest will follow. Never doubt the power of love.
Ladies – if you are concerned that you will not have that ‘bond’ with your adopted child because you didn’t carry them, perish the thought. If you love them with all your heart nobody will ever know the difference.
But What If They Ask
I was curious about my biological parents, at different times for different reasons.
When I was growing up and hitting adolescence my buddies started to look like their Dads and I wondered what my biological Father looked like and what I was going to look like. Thankfully, he must have been dashingly handsome or, at least, he was in my mind.
Later my curiosity became more practical as it related to family medical history – I have none. I don’t know if anything runs in my family or if I am at risk of anything. This is especially bothersome in that I have no guidance to give my daughter.
Genetics vs. Biology
This part still interests me. From the day I could speak, the first word was airplane and that was all I cared about – flying. No one in my family had a pilot’s license, but I was/am nuts for airplanes. I was also the first college graduate in my family and went on to get a Master’s Degree.
My Mom was very traditional, loving, and stable and we have a solid family. We are mostly blue collar, always working, getting by, and doing the best we can. How and why there was such a fire lit under me raises the question of genetics vs. biology, but nothing as crazy as Trading Places.
Just remember – Love makes parents, not biology.
Getting In Touch
Other than the aforementioned curiosity I have never been interested in finding my biological parents or meeting them. I Love them and hope the best for them.
I have a friend – SB - who is adopted and she is an only child. She is younger than me and her adoption was through a state regulated agency. She contacted the agency after she was 21 and was allowed to correspond with her biological mother through the agency, I think similar to Lynn’s story.
SB found out she had a half sister and she worked to find out more about her. It is a great story. I was always curious/jealous of my friends who have siblings and if I found out I had brothers or sisters I would be more curious to find them than my biological parents.
One note about SB’s situation – she has only confided this in me and a few others. Her parents do not know and I share her fear that her parents would be traumatized if they found out about her trying to find her biological parents. I don’t have advice on how to handle this part of the equation, just remember: Love makes parents.
Yes I am, both by birth and choice. My daughter was born out of wedlock, her Mother and I discussed the options and I am proud that we did. My daughter just turned 15, plays tackle football (a whole other post), made the honor roll for the first time, and hit me up to pay for her driver’s ed classes because she brought her grades up. Deal.
I don’t know that I am any more militant pro-life because of my history or my daughter. I just have a unique perspective.
First Hand Advice
If you or anyone you know are considering adopting and have questions or concerns PM me and I am glad to make time to share my side of the story.
Adoption – it is a choice.