Life Aboard the Lysol Express
Seeing the countryside through fresh eyes is exhilarating. Spending the last week with the lovely Mrs. Carter as a passenger in the 18 wheeler has enhanced my appreciation for many things, such as the beauty of autumn in the mountains, the joy of driving into a blazing sunrise while holding hands, the untimely and unfortunate effects a high fiber diet can have on freight delivery schedules, and the serene bliss of the occasional 5 seconds of silence.
She had wanted to go to New England, so naturally, much of the past week was spent in Mississippi and Alabama. Then, a couple of days ago, we broke the confines of the Mason-Dixon, and headed from Louisville, KY to our present location in Carlisle, PA. Autumn is at its zenith in Pennsylvania now, as little clusters of fluorescent red, yellow, and orange leaves burst from the mountains. "Oooh my gosh," she exclaims with a regularity equalled only by the regularity of the aforementioned high fiber diet. I did mention the diet, didn't I? It is obtainable mainly at Wal-Mart, which is obtainable mainly with difficulty by an 18 wheeler, which excursion is nevertheless necessary every two or three days lest we throw the digestive schedule off track, which would be the ruination of life as we know it, see? As a result, I'm pretty sure The Missus has made more deliveries in the last week than my truck.
I had forgotten how truly different this lifestyle is to normal people who don't live out of a duffel bag. We have to travel light and accomplish the necessities of life with dispatch, as everything revolves around the freight schedule. It can be a fast yet grueling pace, accented by unfortunate truck stops with less than tidy accommodations that are staffed by employees that are less than accommodating. I'm used to it, but the lovely Mrs. Carter isn't.
She is prone to free wheeling and rather constant self expression. She even expresses herself when inhaling. It's entertaining, for the most part. I estimate she gets about 34,000 wpg (words per gallon) on the open road, a little less in the city. But cross her with an unkempt shower, or a badly maintained ladies room, and hell hath no fury, nor half as many words either. There's a truck stop close to Montgomery that fell woefully short of standards. I hear the after shocks are still being felt there.
Meanwhile, I understand some things have happened in the news, but I haven't been able to keep up as I should. I do, however, have a running tally on which state has the best restrooms and the nicest showers. I know more about the rate of fire of the human digestive track than I previously knew about the rate of fire of my M-60. And I know that the last week has provided some of the happiest and zaniest adventures for the Carters that we've shared in a while. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to find a Wal-Mart before we deliver in New Jersey tomorrow.
- Comment (10)
- · Quote
- · UnfollowFollow (1)
Comments :
May '10
Re: Life Aboard the Lysol Express
Yep. It's official. I now want to meet the infamous Mrs. Carter. I can see us having a lot of things in common.
Jul '10
Re: Life Aboard the Lysol Express
Nice. Where in Jersey? Short trip from Carlisle...
Are you able to go back to Montgomery or anyplace else after the tornado has now gone through?
Re: Life Aboard the Lysol Express
Michael, the delivery is in Flanders. I hope to head for the house after that. I think The Missus' fun meter is pegged.
Jul '10
Re: Life Aboard the Lysol Express
I've been fortunate to visit many of the planet's most beautiful places.
One thing I've noticed: when I gaze upon nature's wonders all by myself, there's something missing. It's so much more edifying when one has a significant other by one's side to share the experience.
As a solitary experience, the Grand Canyon is just a big, colorful hole. With someone you love by your side, it's a sharing of wonder.
Re: Life Aboard the Lysol Express
Any chance you could drag the trip out a bit and join us for Rico-Soiree II (New York City edition) on Friday night?
Re: Life Aboard the Lysol Express
Ursula, I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull that one off. I've got some pressing matters back home, but will keep hope alive. I'd like nothing more than to meet the people behind the writing.
Re: Life Aboard the Lysol Express
But Kenneth, does the Grand Canyon have clean restrooms? I've come to understand that this is truly what's important.
Aug '10
Re: Life Aboard the Lysol Express
Actually, the pit toilets out in the High Desert are amazing. Just visited the ones at the North Rim myself (along with dear hubby). The dry desert air with the frequent breezes blowing over the vents keeps them really, umm... fresh.
For big holes in the ground with human manure in them, that is.
Anyhow, they were much nicer-smelling than the latrines I remember from my childhood. And the flies weren't as bad.
Aug '10
Re: Life Aboard the Lysol Express
Kenneth: I've been fortunate to visit many of the planet's most beautiful places.
One thing I've noticed: when I gaze upon nature's wonders all by myself, there's something missing. It's so much more edifying when one has a significant other by one's side to share the experience.
As a solitary experience, the Grand Canyon is just a big, colorful hole. With someone you love by your side, it's a sharing of wonder. · Oct 10 at 3:26pm
Awww...
May '10
Re: Life Aboard the Lysol Express
Kenneth: I've been fortunate to visit many of the planet's most beautiful places.
One thing I've noticed: when I gaze upon nature's wonders all by myself, there's something missing. It's so much more edifying when one has a significant other by one's side to share the experience.
As a solitary experience, the Grand Canyon is just a big, colorful hole. With someone you love by your side, it's a sharing of wonder. · Oct 10 at 3:26pm
Kenneth, you big softie!