Kill My Telephone, Please
When you write for a living, the telephone is a dangerous friend and often an enemy. Yes, the telephone is a useful means of communication, but time spent on the phone is time not spent writing. We're in a political season, politics is my beat, and everybody who wants to talk politics has my phone number. It's gotten so that every time my phone rings nowadays, I erupt in a Tourette's Syndrome outburst of words that would violate the Ricochet Code of Conduct.
Today is primary day in Florida, Arizona, Alaska, Oklahoma and Vermont. From years of newsroom experience, I always sleep late on Election Day, because I know I'll be up past midnight reporting the results, especially with western states like Arizona and Alaska. However, as soon as I woke up this morning about 10:30 and sat down at my computer, the phone rang.
Curses, epithets and obscenities.
It's my buddy, informing me that a nasty feud has suddenly sprung up between two political friends -- the kind of internecine knife-fight that breaks my heart. So I spend 40 minutes on the phone getting the off-the-record lowdown on a story that I can't report, but need to know as background.
Some information ascertained by this phone call must be shared with another source, in an effort to prevent the feud from widening into an all-out donnybrook. So I make a call, share the information and learn that the other source isn't going to jump into the feud. Good. So after 15 minutes, I get off the phone, sit down at the computer and the phone rings again.
Curses, epithets and obscenities.
Now it's another source, who wants to talk about yesterday's big "blogola" distraction, as well as a certain primary contest that has drawn my attention. Again, we're on a not-for-attribution basis, which means I'm learning stuff that I can't quote, but need to know, besides which this is a very good source (and a fellow Crimson Tide football fan). Thirty minutes later, we're through talking, I hang up and the phone rings again.
Curses, epithets and obscenities.
This time -- I'm not making this up -- it's the phone company. An automated voices tells me that my bill is past due, and asks if would I like to make a payment of $146 to ensure the continuation of my service.
Curses, epithets and obscenities.
Now I'm forced through the hassle of (a) coping with the Press-One-For-This, Press-Two-For-That options menu, while (b) trying to find the checkbook, which is buried somewhere amongst the stuff in my wife's ginormous purse. By the time I've finally defeated the options menu to get an actual human being on the phone and gone through the payment rigamarole, I've lost another 20 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Also, I'm out $146.
Curses, epithets and obscenities.
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Comments:
Jun '10
Re: Kill My Telephone, Please
Sounds like it's time to turn the phone off and go back to bed until evening...maybe even take your wife with you.
May '10
Re: Kill My Telephone, Please
Never understood the appeal of Twitter. A fad (among media types) that will shortly pass. Utterly vacuous. "The President just tweeted me" does not lend stature to the office.
And cell phones are the curse of the modern age, but we knew that. Stalks off grumpily.
May '10
Re: Kill My Telephone, Please
Oh, and I blame you people (yes, that means you) for telling me to write something on the President's birthday card. Never stops e-mailing, that guy, no matter how much you apprise him by word and gesture that market for same is sluggish or even nonexistent.
Aug '10
Re: Kill My Telephone, Please
Not on an Election Day, my friend. I was working on the national desk at The Washington Times on the night of the 2000 election. We went through four editions, the last of which didn't go to press until nearly 4 a.m., after Wes Pruden personally approved the main A-1 headline: "TOO CLOSE TOO CALL."
Re: Kill My Telephone, Please
You've no idea how many times I've wanted to run over my phone on a particularly busy day when it simply will not stop ringing. The solution? I bought an expensive Droid phone, which does enough snazzy things that I don't ever want to run it over. For example, if there is a number I'd rather not hear from, I can send that specific number directly to voice mail when they call, and it never rings. Everyone else can call in with no problem. Works perfect. So,....so then I accidentally ran the thing over one day and crushed it. Brilliant, no? I'm on Droid #2 now. No temptation to destroy it, ...yet.
May '10
Re: Kill My Telephone, Please
Accidentally ran over your phone? How is that possible? Of course you drive more than most (may I say any?) of us. But it's like Blackadder explaining away murders by saying "He accidentally cut his head off while shaving" or "accidentally brutally stabbed himself in the stomach while combing his hair."
May '10
Re: Kill My Telephone, Please
This is very possible! Well, maybe not for you or I. I've seen first hand the things that Dave can "accidentally" do. Anything is accidentally possible for him.
Best line I've read today!
May '10
Re: Kill My Telephone, Please
Only steal from the best, Benjamin.