John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
Since the headline is true...why should you read me when you could read him...
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE
By JOHN CLEESE
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is canceled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
– John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person
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Comments :
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
The work of a genius.
May '10
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
[Citation needed.]
Pat, I first saw that (with minor changes) back in 2002 or thereabouts. Sometimes it's attributed to John Cleese, but I've never seen a link to a verifiable source. It's been posted in snopes.com and museumofhoaxes.com as "questionable".
But no matter what its provenance it's a classic so no worries, Mate.
Mar '11
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
I knew I liked the guy!
Dec '10
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
Makes want to watch all 12 episodes of Fawlty Towers! Peter is right. Pure genius!
Jul '10
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
It jumps the shark once he gets to Spain and Australia. You always want to finish off funnier than you started.
Apr '11
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
I agree Peter,,,,wholeheartedly!
May '10
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
Oh, come on, Kenneth. I laughed out loud at that bit about the glass-bottom submarines for viewing the Spanish Armada.
And Pat, don't worry: John Cleese is much funnier than any of us.
Mar '11
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
Paul Stinchfield: [Citation needed.]
Pat, I first saw that (with minor changes) back in 2002 or thereabouts.
Yep, has been around for a while, but still funny - kinda like Fawlty Towers, timeless.
He recently moved to Bath (west of england), as it's one of the few places left where you can still feel like you are living in England. London only feels like England when there is a Royal Wedding, or Wimbledon weeks.
Dec '10
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
Pat Sajak writes, "John Cleese is much funnier than I am."
As anyone who enjoyed the character of Basil Fawlty in Fawlty Towers could say, "John Cleese is much funnier than just about anybody."
Mar '11
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
Thank you for that! John Cleese or not, that is worthy of the man. It is very believeable that he is the author.
Having spent much of my high school years reciting Monty Python sketches with friends, I will never forget seeing them live at their peak in my hometown in Canada before they hit big in U.S.
All the prime sketches were included and they did three encores. Our hands were practically bleeding, begging for another, when the large overhead screen they had as part of the show flashed: "PISS OFF!" and the house lights immediately came on.
Seeing my comedy gods live was only matched by seeing the Who with Keith Moon. John Cleese is brilliant.
Dec '10
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
Sorry, Daniel Frank. I jumped down and stole your line. Great minds and all that.
May '10
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
Cleese may have written it and then disavowed it. Because if he got paid for writing it his ex-wife would have pocketed the lot.
Edited on May 7, 2011 at 9:05pmMay '10
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
It may be my shortcoming, but I recall Cleese speaking certain things, I believe about GWB, that ended the last gasp of enthusiasm I had for things Python, et al...
Mar '11
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
I think we need to be able to separate the artist from his art. For example, despite the composer's reputation as a virulent racist, I can still find much to hate about Wagnerian opera.
May '10
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
I agree, but the thrill is gone ;-(
Edited on May 8, 2011 at 6:51amMar '11
Re: John Cleese is Much Funnier Than I Am
Strictly speaking it's not a matter of degree but of kind. You're as funny, but in a different way.