Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Good news! "U.S. marriage rate stable"--researchers report that 56% of men and 52% of women are still married twenty years into their first marriages.
Don't feel like breaking out the champagne? Wondering whether our expectations for long-term happiness in relationships can possibly go any lower?
There's good reason to worry. It's not just the hard data about divorce, or about how fewer and fewer people are even attempting long-term commitment in the first place.
There are also all the firsthand accounts--overwhelmingly by women, though men are frustrated too----of how nearly impossible it seems to be, to get what we want out of relationships.
We have brilliant social scientists explaining the breakdown of marriage and brilliant cultural commentators warning about the toxic mess that modern relationships often descend into. But where can we go for a viable alternative?
May I suggest?--Jane Austen. The list of what she has to offer modern men and (especially) women practically writes itself. I'll start, but please jump into the conversation!
What we find in Jane Austen, that's too often missing from real life today:
- Love lives with dignity, instead of humiliation--Emma and Lizzy make mistakes, but it's all on a higher plane, somehow
- An aesthetic of elegance, not hotness
- Keen (and mostly forgotten) insights into male and female psychology
- "Rules," not for manipulating the opposite sex but for getting just close enough to the other person to know whether he's the one for you--without getting so close you completely lose your perspective
- Happily ever after as a live option
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Comments:
Feb '11
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Fanny may fear being Aunt's companion, but worse would be returning to her squalid and poor family -- even though they have a servant, their house is disorderly and shabby. Eww!
It is true that Austen's heroines look for mutual respect in their "matches." Papa Toad and I tell our tadpoles we were friends first before we decided to marry. Our felicity today is truly based in respect and well-matched temperaments.
I must confess almost utter ignorance where the Kardashians are concerned. I don't watch TV 'cause I don't have cable, and I only see their names when I check my email, so I can't answer that one.
I agree with you completely that if young people didn't worry about hotness and sexy and instead thought about compatible and respect, they might have more happiness down the road. And having sex with someone can make perspective on marriage prospects difficult.
I will tell you that Papa Toad and I made all our connections very worried and concerned when we began our married lives together, but we are extremely happy and well content, and those doubters seem satisfied with the outcome.
Nov '11
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
I would say, rather, that she wrote great works of literature and that such works, while containing marvelous stories, are always about matters that concern us deeply and seriously. Overweening pride, unfair prejudice, the price of being governed by the opinions of others, the price of a romantic view of the world, the cost of not caring for the well-being of one's family, the rewards of duty, these are perennial problems. Her books are not mere guides, but in making us think more deeply, they do guide.
Feb '11
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
I agree, Sandy, that Austen's books are the best kind of literature. The problems her protagonists face, the resources they bring to bear on them, are all instructive. If she had written them as moralizing tales or allegory of how to go about seeking happiness in this life, I doubt they would have as much life and flavor as they do.
Aug '10
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Two things strike me about Jane Austen stories. First, her world was replete with rules of etiquette, which structured the relationships people had with each other. This tended to bind people more tightly into a larger community, because one couldn't merely retreat into a small affinity group based on mere preferences. Despite the marvels of modern communication technology, culture seems far more atomized today than in her day.
Second, her world was a properly gendered world. It hadn't adopted the idea that gender was a problem to be solved, but instead cultivated it, harnessing it for much of the energy that drove civilization. Today, much of what once led men and women to marry, produce children, and build a world for the next generation, has been choked off. In our ungendered world, relationships between men and women seem so comparatively passionless. Gender is the battery, and our flashlight is getting awfully dim.
Mar '11
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Some of you have criticized Austen on the grounds that her heroines do not represent the every day lives of actual women—either in our day or in hers—and that therefore they’re too fantastic to have anything to say either to Austen’s contemporaries or, especially, to us today, so far removed from her time.
If you’ll forgive me, this seems to be premised on an incorrect idea of what literature is and what place it ought to play in our lives. In short: it suggests that literature need merely be descriptive, and not prescriptive.
If you carry this sort of critique to its conclusion, it suggests that all old books have very little to say to us. This notion, it seems to me, will only deepen the crisis we see all around us because it demands that we only listen to contemporary voices—and these voices, more often then not, speak to us in familiar but degraded tones. They give us little to aspire toward.
Mar '11
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Of course literature ought to charm and entertain us—in the sense of holding our attention—but it also presents to us model characters (whether good or evil) which serve as exemplars.
The goal is less to get the young to model their every action on Anne Elliot or Capt. Wentworth, but instead to educate and ennoble the tastes and the postures of young men and women in their mutual relations through some exposure to this view of things.
Seeing the world through the slow, careful, delicate, and deliberate eyes of Ms. Austen, our young today might set about in some small way turning against what they see around them in dissatisfaction and toward something which in some small way imitates Austen. They might begin to register more disgust with what our culture bombards them with. And disgust, after all, is a far broader and sturdier foundation on which to build than is reason, which is necessarily more precarious because it is less broadly distributed.
Feb '12
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Crow's Nest:
The goal is less to get the young to model their every action on Anne Elliot or Capt. Wentworth, but instead to educate and ennoble the tastes and the postures of young men and women in their mutual relations through some exposure to this view of things.
Seeing the world through the slow, careful, delicate, and deliberate eyes of Ms. Austen, our young today might set about in some small way turning against what they see around them in dissatisfaction and toward something which in some small way imitates Austen. They might begin to register more disgust with what our culture bombards them with. And disgust, after all, is a far broader and sturdier foundation on which to build than is reason, which is necessarily more precarious because it is less broadly distributed. · 4 hours ago
Very, very well put.
Dec '11
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
As a huge Jane Austen fan, I am constantly seeking out people who share a sense of decorum and a kindness of spirit that Austen treated her characters with. Her generosity and good humor towards even the most ridiculous of characters serve to remind that a great deal of being human is our ability to interact with our community, both great and small, with patience and kindness and a sense of fun.Since I am the mother of a high school homeschooled student and an extremely social elementary-aged child enrolled in public school, I find myself watching parents of high school students to get a sense of what works when guiding kids in their social interactions. By far, the more successful families encourage the kids to bring their friends home for impromptu dinners, evenings watching movies, and weekends hanging out doing chores and school projects. I dare say it is much as it would have been in Austen's time, this loose supervision modeling a happy marriage and a home life rich in details if not in material goods.
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Southern Pessimist
Jane Austen is not an author I know much about. I gather, and I may be wrong, that her novels dealt with the contradiction women were placed in by having to choose between their desire for romantic love and having status in society. 14 hours ag
This is pretty much a myth, about Jane Austen. It's reading Romanticism into anti-Romantic (but very romantic!) books. But lots of people who know the books quite well persist in seeing them that way!
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
They were wealthy in some ways, but in other ways actually less well-off than we prosperous modern Americans are (though I suppose if our economic troubles continue, we may get back to a point where single women can't afford to live on their own).
But more to the point, every one of those heroines was just a bad marriage away from the squalid situation of Mrs. Price in Portsmouth (she was lady Bertram's sister, remember?).
Mama Toad: The idea that the mistakes of Jane Austen's heroines are "on a higher plane, somehow," intrigues me. Can it not be argued that because all of her heroines live very refined and upper class lives, they have the leisure to live on that higher plane? None of them worry much about actual poverty -- some of them live in genteel poverty, but they don't actually face the dread prospect of working for a living.
Instead we have characters like the poor girl Harriet whom Emma elevates above her class, against Mr. Knightley's advice. Emma nearly ruins her chances for happiness as a farm wife, but fortunately things work out in the end.
(continued) · 13 hours ago
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
And yes, her heroines are remarkable women--and thus models for women today who want to rise above the common standard (and the common mistakes).
Mama Toad:
I love reading Jane Austen -- I was coincidentally readingPride and Prejudiceon my Kindle today. Her insights into human behavior, her flawed but interesting characters, her warm but keen humor, delight me. But as a guide for young people today?
One thing to note is how singular the heroines were, even in Jane Austen's day. All the women -- Elizabeth Bennett, Anne Elliot, Elinor Dashwood -- are clearly the exception and not the rule, as are their lovers. (continued) · 14 hours ago
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Except she was writing before the whole "art for art's sake" idea took over--people then expected novels to be models for real life. And weren't they right--I mean, isn't it true that we can't help wanting to copy the stories we love--the way Catherine Morland tries to live in a Gothic novel?
Think you're missing the point abt. Jane & Anne . . .
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Wait a minute. Are you implying that it's snobbery not to want to live like the Prices? I think Jane Austen makes a pretty good case that it's something anybody would want to avoid, on the merits.
But I'm 100% with you on the respect vs. hotness issue! And on sex making it harder to keep your perspective. (But not just sex, other things about modern mating habits, too.)
Mama Toad: Fanny may fear being Aunt's companion, but worse would be returning to her squalid and poor family -- even though they have a servant, their house is disorderly and shabby. Eww!
It is true that Austen's heroines look for mutual respect in their "matches." Papa Toad and I tell our tadpoles we were friends first before we decided to marry. Our felicity today is truly based in respect and well-matched temperaments. . . .
I agree with you completely that if young people didn't worry about hotness and sexy and instead thought about compatible and respect, they might have more happiness down the road. And having sex with someone can make perspective on marriage prospects difficult. . . .
12 hours ago
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Paul, You might find a chapter in The Jane Austen Guide interesting: "Are We the Weaker Sex, After All?
Paul DeRocco: Two things strike me about Jane Austen stories. First, her world was replete with rules of etiquette, which structured the relationships people had with each other. This tended to bind people more tightly into a larger community, because one couldn't merely retreat into a small affinity group based on mere preferences. Despite the marvels of modern communication technology, culture seems far more atomized today than in her day.
Second, her world was a properly gendered world. It hadn't adopted the idea that gender was a problem to be solved, but instead cultivated it, harnessing it for much of the energy that drove civilization. Today, much of what once led men and women to marry, produce children, and build a world for the next generation, has been choked off. In our ungendered world, relationships between men and women seem so comparatively passionless. Gender is the battery, and our flashlight is getting awfully dim. · 11 hours ago
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Enjoying all your comments, but this is especially interesting & funny:
Mar '11
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
So coy, Mrs. Kantor. :)
If you are willing, perhaps you can share with us (or, at the very least, with me) which portion you find funny. I am most intrigued as to why you might think it so--or, more precisely, maybe, I am most intrigued to learn whether or not we might share a reason for thinking it somewhat playful.
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
"reason, which is necessarily more precarious because it is less broadly distributed."
Crow's Nest: So coy, Mrs. Kantor. :)
If you are willing, perhaps you can share with us (or, at the very least, with me) which portion you find funny. I am most intrigued as to why you might think it so--or, more precisely, maybe, I am most intrigued to learn whether or not we might share a reason for thinking it somewhat playful. · 9 hours ago
Mar '11
Re: Jane Austen, We Need You Now!
Aha. Well, what can I say to that? The statement is no less true if the mouth speaking it happens to be smirking.