It's So Old, It's New
Progress! What was once a necessity for everyone is now just a treat for the well-to-do. According to a poll sponsored in part by ForbesWoman, 84% of working women hope one day to attain the luxury of raising their own children. In the article reporting on it, this phenomenon, known throughout history as "motherhood," has been dubbed "The New American Dream."
Wait a minute, though, before you break out that vintage housecoat you have been hoping would come back in style. This is not your mother's motherhood. This is the New American Dream. And one of these New American Dreamers clarifies what the scenario does and does not include:
“Sure, if my husband made so much money that I could spend time with the kids, still afford great vacations and maybe the occasional baby sitter to take a class or go out with friends, I’d be the first to sign up,” she said. “So maybe while it’s a luxury I do think about, it’s not one I would want unless it was actually luxurious. I don’t want to be a stay at home mom who clips coupons or plans her weekly menu to make ends meet… If that’s the case, I’d gladly go on working to avoid that fate.”
Taking classes, going on vacations, hanging out with friends. If you are an undergrad, you are the New American Dream Mother. Put it on your resume.
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Comments:
Mar '11
Re: It's So Old, It's New
A society that begins to see having children as a "luxury" is a society on the cusp of demographic decline. Maybe we are a Nation of Julias already.
Forward!
Jul '11
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Sounds to me that they want the "Sex in the City" version of motherhood complete with a nanny, Broadway shows, designer shoes and Mr. Big.
Apr '12
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Correct and that is the saddest dream. The first time I saw that show, their values horrified me as they were getting gratification from instant fixes such as shoes, etc. Motherhood was seen with horror.
The pressure to be a good mother has shifted. Motherhood done well is barely written about except that parents want the results without putting in the time and careful attention (which is boring when children are young). Did the book Tiger Mum cause such a furor because here was a mother dedicating her energy to raising children, nit to the next vacation?
Apr '11
Re: It's So Old, It's New
This reminds me of the times I've met my my sister's Georgetown feminist friends who have always laughed at the "married, motherhood" lifestyle, choosing instead the wonderful world of single bliss. Lately though, as they approach 50, they look haggard and sad, especially when they visit my sister and the rest of my family is there. My parents, married 48 years and 10 beautiful grandchildren running around, bringing joy to the event. I contrast the look of contentment on my mother's 70-year old face and wonder how awful these women will be at that age. Lives devoid of happiness and full of regret.
Feb '11
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Note this...."more than one in three resent their partner for not earning enough to make that dream a reality."
Mar '11
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Umm... This is pretty much how real life works when you stay home with the kids. My wife does this, her friends do this, my college friends with kids do this, AND many of them home-school on top of that.
Another example of people my age putting off growing up as long as possible.
Aug '12
Re: It's So Old, It's New
I always felt that being at home raising our son was the most important work that either of us did. It is your chance to impact the future of the human race.
And of course the feminists who promote their lifestyle hate the Romneys because Mitt and Ann are successfully living everything the feminists want to destroy.
Dec '11
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Where I live, a college degree common currency, everyone I know has an advanced degree or two in something. Except me, of course, with my lowly BA from a state university. The mothers are particularly defensive if they are staying home to raise children. Once the kids head off to school, which everyone treats like daycare, they all start soul searching to decide what to do with their lives, with significant pressure from their husbands.
I feel very lucky and grateful that my husband and I agreed long ago that our #1 priority was raising kids. I stay home and economize and we don't take glorious vacations and that's okay.
It was our choice.
skipsul
Umm... This is pretty much how real life works when you stay home with the kids. My wife does this, her friends do this, my college friends with kids do this, AND many of them home-school on top of that.
Another example of people my age putting off growing up as long as possible. · 4 minutes ago
Jul '11
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Yes, I have seen more than a few divorces over the man not making enough money so the woman can live as she hoped.
Apr '12
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Is there a cost to society of having highly educated and productive parents (either father or mother) withdraw from the work force to raise children full time?. Consider the cost of the parent's education and opportunity cost of not working. A counter argument is the next generation is worth the sacrifice but what if the next generation, after thousands of dollars in loans, and years in education withdraw from the workforce to stay at home with their kids? Are some resources being poorly allocated?
Jun '10
Re: It's So Old, It's New
On the other hand. The quoted future mom above was clearly not an actual parent. I am sure that parenthood acts as a lens for focusing life's priorities like no other. Anyone who is not three years into the project can not be taken seriously. I'm glad none of the stuff I said about parenthood (or anything else for that matter) during college is in print.
May '11
Re: It's So Old, It's New
You are making the assumption that the children that are the product of each of these two types of arrangement will make equally responsible moral, social, and civic choices in their adulthood. In other words that they will be equally "good"human beings. I am not sure that is a valid assumption.
Jun '10
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Who asks what the cost to "society" is of a free person's lifestyle choices? Assuming our maximally productive output to or for society is our reason for being here strikes me as ludicrous.
May '10
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Old school: Children were essential and vacations were a luxury.
New school: Vacations are essential and children are a luxury.
Everyone looks out after their own self-interests, right? This is the real difference between conservatives and liberals: Conservatives are greedy, but liberals are selfish. And there is a difference.
Feb '11
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Carver..."Who asks what the cost to "society" is of a free person's lifestyle choices? Assuming our maximally productive output to or for society is our reason for being here strikes me as ludicrous."
Agreed. However, in our present society some lifestyle choices are subsidized to a much greater extent than others. If a woman decides to spend several additional years on the educational conveyor belt, getting additional degrees, there are plenty of direct and indirect subsidies involved. If she decides to stay at home, raise kids, and start a craft business, she will find the government putting obstacles in her way (via the "consumer product safety improvement act" and other regulations) rather than subsidizing her.
Sep '10
Re: It's So Old, It's New
I am a little disgusted at the have it all mentality.
Job, Husband, Children, Religion, Vacations all serve the need for status.
I don't know the answer but it is interesting (to me) that I find it repulsive.
Sep '10
Re: It's So Old, It's New
I ran a quick Net Present Value Calculation for this scenario.
Assuming a number of things, but the biggest being that children are no more or less successful than the parent. What I find is that the calculation is extremely sensitive to the discount rate used. If you use a corporate discount rate (like 10%) it is never a good idea to stop working because future cash is worth little. At a T-Bill type discount rate (like 4%), the first child is close break even and the second child is a huge gain in NPV.
It is also interesting to consider this when pondering the preference for boys.
Mar '12
Re: It's So Old, It's New
So it sounds like the modern way to state every woman's secret dream: Marry a prince, live in luxury on the clouds.
People need to realize such ideas are fantasies. As we used to say in my house growing up to tease someone for being a Veruca Salt: "I want a pony! I want a fudge sandwich NOW!"
--Joy
Mar '12
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Or, as Nathaniel just chatted to me (his way of conversing while I'm working): "I can't believe that they resent their husband not because he is lazy but because they can't be."
Apr '12
Re: It's So Old, It's New
Pilli
You are making the assumption that the children that are the product of each of these two types of arrangement will make equally responsible moral, social, and civic choices in their adulthood. In other words that they will be equally "good"human beings. I am not sure that is a valid assumption. · 7 hours ago
I agree with your criticism and today a 19 yo old does not know if or when they will have children and prehaps a college education tangentially increase parenting skills. However I think that investing 5 or 6 figures in an education and only using that education for a limited period of time before dropping out of the work force to parent is a cost to be recognized by the individual and society. College is getting too expensive to go just to go. Individuals will have to weigh the cost benefit ratio of college with their expectations of life.