It's Not About Me
I was deeply touched by the responses to my cri de coeur. I received a few very touching personal letters, too, from people I deeply admire. I won't say who they were, but I was shocked to discover how many people feel the way I do. I was also shocked to see evidence that having these feelings means very little. They are not a reliable guide to anything, apparently. The messages I received were from people who are doing work that ought to be done and writing things that ought to be written--even if this generation doesn't want to read what they're writing.
The conclusion I've reached--for today, anyway, because I've been so moody lately that it doesn't make much sense to issue a stirring manifesto about how I'll feel tomorrow--is that it's not about me. It is no more than pampered vanity to expect money to roll in at a time like this; almost everyone has been affected by the recession and the world's political instability; and of course money is rolling toward the just and the unjust alike: It always has.
If I can hang on a bit longer here doing what I do, I probably should. If I have any kind of paid work at all, I should be grateful. If truth has been the first casualty of war, I should be unsurprised.
I've never argued that free markets produce perfect outcomes, only that they produce better outcomes than command economies. I've never argued that a free press produces truth; I've only argued that it produces more truth than a controlled press. I've never argued that America is perfect, only that its enemies are worse. I've also never argued that greed is good, or that earning a lot of money should be anyone's foremost goal in life.
I'm going to try to do the work that's meaningful to me. I'm going to try to stop worrying about whether anyone's listening or whether it will be enough to wrench the world off its doomward trajectory. What I write might not be of significance, but I'm not in a position to judge, and neither is the market.
Some day a historian might find something I've written interesting: So this is what it was like to be a Jewish American woman in Istanbul in the year 2011. Or perhaps not. I certainly can't say, so I'll just keep writing and hope for the best.
Thank you for everything you said. It was very helpful to me. I count myself very fortunate that I not only have a place to ask these questions, but that somehow I've managed to find a way to get paid something to do it. I'm an incredibly fortunate and blessed woman, and I am grateful for it.
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Jun '10
Re: It's Not About Me
Because the economy is the way it is, everybody's curiosity about things outside their own life is diminished. For most people, studying history and foreign policy is way down on their priority list. I may be wrong, but Israel sounds like a more interesting and exciting place to operate from (if you can get paid.) How's your Hebrew?
Oct '10
Re: It's Not About Me
Claire, you have added more to my knowledge base of Turkey than any other font, including college courses (with a really pretty decent Middle East and Arab focus) about the area...and added hugely to my appreciation for and interest in the country and the region. Now maybe all of that + $2.50 will get you one ride on the NY Subway, but I thank you...a LOT.
Hang in there - if we ever meet, you wll enjoy the story of a schoolmate of mine who took a lot of years to hit it out of the ballpark in the world of writing.
Stay focused on your passion while you deliver to the market enough of what it wants today for you to survive (or better) - and when the market wakes to the need to learn more about and follow areas of your greatest interest and expertise, you, too, will hit the long ball.
May '11
Re: It's Not About Me
Claire, if you keep writing, I'll certainly keep reading!
I also just added your book on Mrs. Thatcher to my purchase from Amazon, I've been wanting to get it for a while, and your post here reminded me of it, so it too shall be winging it's way to Tokyo!
Domo
Edited on September 19, 2011 at 1:31pmJun '10
Re: It's Not About Me
Welcome back, Claire! It's still the same world, but it is a better place now that you're here.
Edited on September 19, 2011 at 1:31pmRe: It's Not About Me
First, it's non-existant. Second, one of the biggest problems in journalism, from what I can diagnose, is that there are too many journalists in Israel. That's precisely because it's an easy, interesting place to operate from with a lot of press freedom, and because you can make good money by writing about it. This has created a completely distorted focus on Israel, because whether the coverage is good or bad, fair or biased, it leads to the perception that Israel is a lot bigger than it really is--literally. Population of Israel: about 7.5 million. Population of MENA: about 380 million. Population of Istanbul: somewhere between 15-20 million.
Mar '11
Re: It's Not About Me
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way the smart money bets.
One hundred quatloos on the lass in Istanbul!
Feb '11
Re: It's Not About Me
Glad to hear it!
Mar '11
Re: It's Not About Me
It is a source of endless frustration to smart people that stupider people tend to make more money than they do.
In part, it is because the low-risk avenues available to very smart people (like academia or professional schools) pay less than high-risk ventures like starting a business. Even being a lawyer does not pay as well as owning a successful company - my lawyers have no doubt that they are smarter than I am.
Part of the problem is that smart people are told their entire lives that being smart is a worthy goal in and of itself - when in fact persistence, work ethic and manners are at least as important as raw intellect. And good judgment is far more valuable and rare than any of the above.
One of the curses of intelligence is what I call "Jewish Intellectual Disease", which is an affliction of indecision in which smart people believe that the answer to every question is available if they only take the time and effort necessary to figure out the answers.... the result being a complete inability to make a decision because there is never sufficient information to arrive at a certain conclusion.
Feb '11
Re: It's Not About Me
Claire made no attempt at intellectual self-adulation. In fact, she acknowledged the imperfection of markets, castigated herself and expressed thanks to Ricochet. "JIS" looks like a misdiagnosis at best.
Mar '11
Re: It's Not About Me
Hey, at least you're not paying Ricochet for the privilege of providing content for them. That would be really stupid. Oh wait...
Re: It's Not About Me
Measure for Measure
Claire made no attempt at intellectual self-adulation. In fact, she acknowledged the imperfection of markets, castigated herself and expressed thanks to Ricochet. "JIS" looks like a misdiagnosis at best. · Sep 19 at 6:40am
I was thinking that it was quite apt!
Re: It's Not About Me
Hush now. That's Badthink.
Mar '11
Re: It's Not About Me
I really did not mean my comment to be about Claire - I should not presume. And I am sorry to have given that impression. I was just pontificating on the overall issues that plague Smart People - I think people too often do not understand that, in business as well as in personal lives, failing to make a decision is, itself, making a decision.
Edited on September 19, 2011 at 4:36pmMay '10
Re: It's Not About Me
Hang in there Claire. I was into Ricochet about 6 months before you really caught my attention. I'm not smart enough to comment most of the time but you have shown me that I need work on my critical thinking. You are the first posts I read when I scan Ricochet. You have become one of my favorite Ricochet posters, so keep on keepin' on. Thanks for all you do, and you are appreciated more than you think. Take good care of the kitties.
Oct '10
Re: It's Not About Me
A few thoughts:
1. When you feel like you do now don't make any decisions. Stay the course until you are running on rationality, not emotion. Decisions made at this point ore often counterproductive because they are reactive, not proactive. .
2. At some point you have to figure out if what you WANT to do can actually pay the bills. If it can keep trudging forward; if not, then make a new plan. The important thing is to make your own way.
Mostly in life, you get what's important to you because that's where you focus your energy.
Sep '10
Re: It's Not About Me
Some of us are quite a handful.
Feb '11
Re: It's Not About Me
iWc: I really did not mean my comment to be about Claire - I should not presume. And I am sorry to have given that impression. I was just pontificating on the overall issues that plague Smart People - I think people too often do not understand that, in business as well as in personal lives, failing to make a decision is, itself, making a decision. · Sep 19 at 7:34am
Edited on Sep 19 at 07:36 am
My apology. Since Claire did not even take it that way, I'll shut up now. I've been reading about anti-semitism lately, and with the UN vote coming up and all, well, I guess I'm on the prowl! I promise to no longer censoriously attack the JIS designation:)
Sep '10
Re: It's Not About Me
All the above "hang in there" advice is OK - up to a point. But, if I were your father, my advice would be "You're young and smart. Retool now. Because in ten more years the world may not be any better - and you won't be young."
Mar '11
Re: It's Not About Me
I have no particularly relevant insight to add on the State of Affairs of Claire, however I would like to say Ms. Berlinski how much enjoyed this particular paragraph. A wonderful summation of conservative thinking.
Oct '10
Re: It's Not About Me
I went back to the post you linked to get the context. I think I can empathize with you because I am also going through the same kind of trials. Interestingly, as I read your post I was thinking of saying that in these times my expectations are challenged. I'm forced to ask myself what I think I'm entitled to and consider that it may be more than what is reasonable to expect. I'm not saying that you shouldn't expect much but that we have to learn to be content, especially when we're feeling abased. There's a strange sense of comfort in accepting that disappointment is a possibility and I shouldn't try to avoid it. Who knows how long this season will last, anyways? So, it sounded like you were thinking similar thoughts. As a Christian, I can fall back on God's grace and His will for me to put my difficulties in a meaningful context. I hope that you can also put your challenges into a transcendent perspective so that you can overcome your disappointments.