'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
I've been writing quite a bit about Planned Parenthood and the media campaign on its behalf that we've been subjected to in the last week or so. Over at CNN, commenter Teddy N. kindly wrote in response to my substantive critique:
"Karma will hit and Mollie will be struck with breast cancer tonight and have to have a double masectomy [sic]. That's what she gets for being against the poor being able to have mammograms done. May her Chemo be very painful."
I have long joked that my spiritual gift is not backing down in the face of strong resistance (in a way, it might even fuel me). But still, I recognize that this incivility is problematic.
Another media critic, the highly respected NYU journalism prof Jay Rosen, has been attempting (but largely failing) to defend the media campaign on behalf of Planned Parenthood. Biblical Studies professor Denny Burk politely engaged him in the comments to a post he wrote and Rosen responded poorly, ending with "Have a nice [expletive] day." Burk responded politely again and Rosen told him to leave.
Conservative columnist Cal Thomas told a crowd at CPAC earlier today that Rachel Maddow was a good argument for birth control. How utterly vile.
Yesterday Philip Klein pointed out that if you Googled "Santorum," you got a paid ad and then results of him winning 3 contests. "That's victory," Klein said. I pointed out that for a country that decries bullying, this is something we could all support no matter our personal views. See, some people had tried to sully the Senator's family name by comparing it to a fecal byproduct that results from sodomy and then ensuring that this definition is what showed up when you Googled his name. It made no sense but far from being decried, it was celebrated. The New York Times even ran a fawning profile of Dan Savage, the man who led the bullying campaign, and his view that monogamy was a bad norm.
But a fellow at the Manhattan Institute, someone whose work I admire, defended the practice as simply being rude. I pointed out the damage to his children, who are also affected. He justified the campaign because he was under the impression that Santorum, in discussing Lawrence V. Texas, had wished to make this fellow's sexual practices a crime. Santorum has said he doesn't think it's in the state's interest to intervene but that sodomy laws existed for a reason. Anyway, I pointed out, the best way to disagree with someone's politics is to disagree with their politics as opposed to resorting to juvenile behavior. If your views are rational, they'll compete well. Name-calling, on the other hand, suggests you can't rationally fight the reasoning. My interlocutor seemed surprise that I'd encourage him to be polite when discussing sodomy and marriage law.
Finally, New York magazine's Jonathan Chait has a piece in which he attempts to defend his general incivility. He writes that someone he disagrees with is so stupid (she's not) that "this is why I am forced to be so mean."
Really now. Many years ago I was a peer counselor and I remember the many pamphlets we distributed about domestic violence. One of them was headlined "Don't Make Me Hit You," or something like that. It was all about how no one forces you into domestic violence, even if they have upset you. You have to be responsible for your own behavior and rhetoric. Period. Nobody makes you hurt anyone else.
Perhaps we need similar pamphlets for folks engaged in political discourse these days.
Don't get me wrong. We must speak truthfully and forcefully and these things are difficult for targets. But there's a difference between speaking clearly and descending into assaults and slurs.
And now a few questions: is there some underlying reason for all of this incivility? And how do we curb it? I've decided to just encourage friends to be nice in disagreement and also to do a bit of shaming when people are not nice. Sometimes a quick reminder is all that's needed (it works for me!). What else can be done?
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Jul '10
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Curious, how did Yer Husband respond to that comment directed at You?
Edited on February 10, 2012 at 2:16amMay '10
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
The whole culture of American leftist thought is that anything and everything is always the fault of someone else or some external socioeconomic force.
If you were to adopt their value system and fall in line with their political agenda, they would love you.
So if they hate you, it's your fault.
Aug '10
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Beautifully done, Mollie.
May '10
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Mollie Hemingway, Ed.
And now a few questions: is there some underlying reason for all of this incivility? And how do we curb it? I've decided to just encourage friends to be nice in disagreement and also to do a bit of shaming when people are not nice. Sometimes a quick reminder is all that's needed (it works for me!). What else can be done?
Maybe we should look to William Wilberforce, who made a priority of ending the slave trade and "the reform of manners."
He succeeded beautifully on both counts.
Aug '10
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
"Some people" includes Conan O'Brien on his Facebook feed.
Expect this meme to be far more widespread than simply Dan Savage's readers and a few hard-core leftists.
It's the new "teabaggers".
Sep '10
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Wow. I would never have thought there were be so much vitriol on a site called belief blog. You have really had a tough day, Mollie!
Jan '11
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
I believe it was Thomas Wolfe who wrote about one of his protagonists: "He was a gentleman in a world that had no use for gentlemen."
Appealing for civility among the pro-abortion crowd is not too different from Obama's reliance on diplomacy to resolve the militant Muslim problems. Militant Muslims have no use for civility, it's not their game, and neither does the the pro-abortion crowd, and for the same reason: neither have any use for it.
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Thanks but in all seriousness, it wasn't that tough. I have had many people send me kind and gracious comments, too. I'm used to it as a writer in the public square who tackles hot-button topics. I tend to think that when people write things such as that, they're writing from a position of deep pain about something in their past. Best to just have compassion. I'm far more discouraged by the way I see so-called professionals in the media handling these hot-button issues. They've discarded any pretense of fairness. That makes my blood boil.
May '10
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Hey! We had three or four days of civility after the Tuscon shooting! The President even gave a speech! Of course it was cynical and partisan! In fact the whole damn exercise reaked of bad faith! But it was something!
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Anon:
Appealing for civility among the pro-abortion crowd is not too different from Obama's reliance on diplomacy to resolve the militant Muslim problems. Militant Muslims have no use for civility, it's not their game, and neither does the the pro-abortion crowd, and for the same reason: neither have any use for it. · 3 minutes ago
I agree that there are some people who hold views that limit their ability to be civil, but in my experience, it is most definitely possible to have civil conversations on this topic. Many of my best friends support abortion rights and they, of course, know my position, too. We are not always able to discuss it but when we do, we remain civil. It is possible.
One thing to consider is whether the ideology itself leads to a coarsening of thought and rhetoric. I can imagine that possibility.
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Jimmy Carter: Curious, how did Yer Husband respond to that comment directed at You? · 5 minutes ago
Edited 3 minutes ago
Ah! Let me field this one. I think you're always perturbed by this as a husband, but fortunately, Mollie's not exactly a stranger to controversial public debates. She's at least psychologically prepared for this kind of thing. Which is not to say either of us enjoy it.
However, I'm proud that she's fierce about what she believes and that she's able to turn around such vile comments, make them instructive, and eventually channel the debate in a more positive direction.
It's worth remembering that people who say these things are often lashing out because of some deep personal issues. There's not much you can do about that except refuse to be dragged down by their problems, or express some degree of compassion if you have to engage with them.
And if, God forbid, this ever did spill over into real life, I'm reasonably quick-witted and 6'5", so I'm confident attacks on my wife could be handled.
Apr '11
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Look, the age of civility is over. It's only going to get worse from here. How can it not? People's livelihoods, careers, worldviews, however you need to put it, are dependent on the outcome of the next election{s).
It's regrettable, but that's just the way it is now.
May '10
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
"Nobody makes you hurt anyone else."
I know you meant this in a domestic context, but this thinking is similar to pacifism. It is the sort of thing one might say to a small child. There are sometimes good reasons to hurt someone else because of their (someone else's) actions. Your statement doesn't accept the reality of man's fallen nature. It's utopian, and should be tempered by reality.
To take an extreme, but recent and real example, consider that man in Washington state who hacked his two boys (seven and five years old) with an axe, then blew up the house killing all three of them. Had the social worker who delivered the boys to their demented father been in a position to hurt the father and prevent this atrocity, she would have been a hero.
Too often, the alternative to resistance is submission to injustice or tyranny.
Mar '11
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
It is not incivility, it is hate. You cannot hope to curb this until you first recognize the behaviour for what it is.
Edited on February 10, 2012 at 3:19amOct '10
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
All true. Destroy the Left and the problem goes away. In the meantime, refuse to be intimidated.
Dec '11
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
English style libel laws.
Apr '11
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Dan Savage is an absolutely vile human being.. Back in 2000 (?) he had the flu and decided to volunteer for the presidential campaign of Gary Bauer and went around spitting phlemn and licking door knobs, handles and items around the office so that Bauer and his supporters would become ill.
And this is a man who dedicates his existence to ranting about the supposed hate on the right. (I should warn sensitive Ricocheters who may seek out Dan Savage's sex advice columns - they are filthy beyond belief)
There are certainly some conservatives from whom I distance myself because of their tone or lack of civility, but none of them come close to the vile hatred that routinely comes from celebrated figures on the left.
Jul '10
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Incivility arises because there are no consequences for it. Before the internet, you couldn't hide behind a box and spew filth and hatred anonymously at people. There used to also be a very real chance of getting decked for cursing someone before society got so litigious. So, with little chance of having to address people face to face and no worry of getting your butt kicked or being held to account, this leads to the sewer society we are breeding that has no concern for anyone but oneself. One more symptom of a popular culture rooted in selfishness and lack of self-control.
Mar '11
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Whiskey Sam: Incivility arises because there are no consequences for it. Before the internet, you couldn't hide behind a box and spew filth and hatred anonymously at people.
One more symptom of a popular culture rooted in selfishness and lack of self-control. · 1 minute ago
Point one and two both so true, but while many stress the former I suspect the latter to be more at root in this day and age.
Dec '10
Re: 'I Hope You Get Cancer' (and Other Thoughtful Critiques)
Mollie,
I don't want to be speaking for the Supreme Being as the Supreme Being speaks for himself. So to speak. However, the hypocrasy and stupidity of the left is so great that however tolerant the Supreme Being is, we in Judaism pray every morning to a Gd that is 'slow to anger', I do not think that Gd's tolerance can last much longer for these agnostic, banal cretins.
Do not worry about anything that they say. Gd will be visiting them in very very nasty ways. Vengence is mine sayeth the Lord. And so be it. No need, like Abraham, to try to intercede for Sodom and Gomorrah.
JUST STAND BACK AND LET THE SALT FALL!!!