I Have a Stupid Dream
Yesterday afternoon, having received word from our heroic Busy Systems Administrator that Ricochet would be going down for a few hours, I decided there was no point in my hanging around the apartment. I figured that instead I'd go to a martial-arts class I don't usually go to on Saturday afternoons because I'm working. (Of course, I should have had more faith in our BSA: He got things up and running faster than promised. That's our heroic BSA--always under-promising and over-delivering.)
And you know, it was so much fun. For about 90 minutes yesterday, I wasn't thinking about bombings, civil wars, budget crises, weapons of mass destruction, venal politicians or any of the other depressing things I usually think about at that time of day. I was just thinking about what I was doing at that very second and how to make the surprisingly strong and feisty Turkish chick I'd been paired with submit to the arm bar technique I'd just been taught. That was all I was thinking about, if you could even call it "thinking"--not the past, not the future, not anything but what I was doing at that very second.
I was happy. But I wasn't even thinking, "I'm happy," I was just thinking, "Get her shoulder under mine, get her elbow up, get that wrist down, and failing that, maybe I could whip her around and choke her from behind." It was only afterwards that I recognized that feeling as "happiness." An hour and a half of that and all you feel at the end is exhausted in a good way and at peace with the world, even if it's not at peace with you.
And I thought--not for the first time--"I really love this. I wish I could spend all day doing this, every day." But obviously, the career options for a basically clumsy 43-year-old woman in mixed martial arts are--well, "severely limited" doesn't begin to describe it. Even if there were an obscure market niche I could fill, it just makes no sense to take a lifetime of reading and writing and thinking about politics and ditch it all for the martial arts, for which I have no special talent--especially given that it takes exactly one injury to end that dream for good, and injuries in the martial arts are about as common as you'd expect them to be. (It is, however, still a much safer hobby than basketball.)
I know people here, though, who are much younger and much more talented than I am and for whom the dream is more realistic. They go through this mental calculation with much more anguish--should they do what they really love, or do something "sensible?"
I don't know what to advise them. My American-Dream spirit on the one hand tells me to say to them, "Do what you love. To hell with being sensible. Somehow the money will follow, and if it doesn't, at least you'll know you tried." On the other it says, "This is a basically unworthy way to spend your life. (I mean, let's face it: We are not talking 'I want to be a neurosurgeon' here.) Chances are you'll end up broke, injured, and without any other marketable skills--and more importantly, without any skills that might usefully serve the world." In Turkey especially, where useful skills are so needed and the economy so precarious, a part of me thinks it's grossly irresponsible to encourage people to follow a dream like that.
But is it? America has flourished because we do tell young people that they should do the things they really love, that their dreams aren't stupid, that they should take big risks to pursue them. We don't pour cold water on people's passions, generally.
So, two questions.
First: If you were to ditch it all to pursue some out-of-reach passion, what would it be? What stops you from doing it?
Second: If you were giving advice to a young person who was thinking, "I really want to be a great martial artist, but my parents think I should do something sensible like get an engineering degree," what would you say?
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Comments :
Mar '11
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
Indeed - Politics is very depressing, these days - I wish I wasn't addicted to it... kinda like watching a slow-motion car crash that nobody else seems to worry about, least of all Mr Obama.
So, I often escape to the golf course, or driving range, where everything seems fine - hard to believe things are so bad, maybe I am just paranoid, or something. Maybe the Arab Spring really is a Spring, and not a forthcoming Winter...
But my main passion is flying. I long ago lost the opportunity to do it professionally, but I do it as a hobby and, again, when I am flying everything seems fine. I'll keep doing it as long as I can...
So, my advice to a young person would be - work hard, make a lotta money, and pursue your passions.
And, don't get ill, or retire - there's gonna be no Medicare or Social Security for you ;-)
Edited on May 28, 2011 at 10:56pmDec '10
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
Wow! I want to be erudite , but the picture of you having a cat fight with a Turkish "chick" is pretty hot. I do apologize for being a guy. I am having trouble contemplating the philosophical question of vocation vs avocation.
Edited on May 28, 2011 at 11:03pmSep '10
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
I'd be a graduate of a Classical Atelier doing six figure commissioned work while working on my never to be produced screenplay, studying Ancient Greek, pressing the Beast, studying with Tim Larkin and racing a Pagani Zonda while being chased by a Lamborghini Murcielago.
Dec '10
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
I guess the luckiest people are those with cool dream jobs who also make a good living. Mixed martial arts and other athletic pursuits are not likely to be a mainstay for bringing home the bacon except for a rare few and they will have a lot of medical issues with which to contend in middle and old age. Some of us have to find joy in our more menial vocations. Success in whatever one does probably leads to happiness and fulfillment and the idea that you are doing that for which we are placed on Earth.
May '11
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
I laughed at the end of your column because at age 48 I've discovered that my crazy dream is, in fact, engineering, and I'm working towards a MechE degree. (I've got the lower-division physics and calculus under my belt and am studying statics and dynamics now.)
As to your basic questions, they're very good. Maybe, though, it's possible to frame it not as an all-or-nothing choice but as an optimization problem: What career choice offers the most overlap with the field of "things I like to do, and am good at", and allows me enough freedom to make up the balance in my leisure time?
Life doesn't always allow us the luxury of working at a job that's rewarding, so I think it's important to have a Plan B to meet those needs when we're not able to draw a paycheck in our calling. Plus, nowadays most people don't stay in a single job - or even a single career - throughout their adult lives. So it may be useful to think beyond a single "thing that makes me happy" to a cluster of rewarding activities.
Feb '11
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
Well, you have to be able to do it at a level that pays the bills.
I did genealogy as an amateur for years, so when my drudge job offered me an early retirement package that would give me half my previous income, I grabbed it and am now making up the difference serving clients. (But I still enjoy my personal genealogy way more than proving to attorneys that so-and-so died with no children.)
Edited on May 28, 2011 at 11:26pmRe: I Have a Stupid Dream
Grimaud: Wow! I want to be erudite , but the picture of you having a cat fight with a Turkish "chick" is pretty hot. I do apologize for being a guy. I am having trouble contemplating the philosophical question of vocation vs avocation. · May 28 at 11:02pm
Edited on May 28 at 11:03 pm
Grimaud, having been on the receiving end of a properly applied arm bar, I promise you that if ever I master that technique, I'll show you what it feels like--and the last thing that will go through your mind is, "Wow, this is hot."
But I've got to really learn to do it right, first.
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
This made me laugh, too. What was it Twain said--"Work is what a body is obliged to do?" The only thing that would have been funnier is if you'd revealed that you'd spent your life doing martial arts, and realized one morning that you just couldn't take another day of the same old boring routine ...
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
Well, as Claire knows, I've got a drawer full of novels, screenplays, and spec scripts, so there's your answers.
What's kept me from single-mindedly pursuing it? A bajillion things. Time, money, family, geography, temperament, etc. Life, in other words.
I'd tell the kid it's a gamble either way, unless you're rich or well-connected. To pursue your passion, it's easier if you're travelling light and alone. If you spend your youth alone and in pursuit, you may find yourself not so young and alone, with or without professional success. If you settle down early, you may find yourself limited in your ability to pursue your passions, and your profession may be a job rather than a vocation. The upside of the former is greater likelihood of professional satisfaction; the latter's is the greater chance at the joys of a happy home life, a non-trivial dimension of human happiness.
As one bitten and rewarded in both passionate and dull pursuits, I'll attest the up-and-downsides of both are real.
Kid, it's a roll of the dice. You pays your time and energies, and you takes your chances.
Dec '10
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
Grrrrr! You keep adding fuel to the fire. I anticipate, with great relish, a "steel cage death match" with you. Two out of three falls with no time limit?
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
And that is--me. I wouldn't say I make a good living, by American standards, but I think about things that are important to me and write for a living. How many people get to do that? I manage more months than not to pay my rent. That adds up to one of the world's coolest dream jobs. I'm incredibly lucky and I know it. But human nature being what it is, I'm greedy: I want more than one cool dream life.
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
Readers of Ricochet: Can you appreciate why I fantasize about leaving Grimaud limping, applying an ice pack, and thinking, "My God, that wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be at all, and it certainly wasn't hot?"
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
David Williamson:
So, I often escape to the golf course, or driving range, where everything seems fine -
You know, I've never played golf, not even once, but I notice that people who do just love it in that "This is what I'd do in my dream life" way. What is it about golf? Is it the beauty of the environment? The skill itself?
Dec '10
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
You are enigmatic in your lifestyle. You seem to have close family ties yet, you live in a somewhat remote corner of the world. You publish books and essays while traveling extensively, and one of the foundations of your success is your study abroad. I bet some of us who have gotten to know you are a little jealous of your freedom and mobility yet you seem to pine a little for something more. Is it less complexity? A chance to put your head in the sand. As a jew and living in such a politically volatile atmosphere, writing about politics in these times, you are always on boil.
Dec '10
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
I also think it is not a "stupid dream". We are evolved hunter gatherers(though by my earlier comments my evolution may be in question). Mundane, physical tasks can be very rewarding. Its why we go to the gym or garden or jog or (insert mind focussing activity here) etc. It is like David said above. Make a living and pursue your passions.
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
I think you have it exactly right. I find it more difficult, too, to switch off from the news than some people do. I end up with images of horror in my head at night quite often, and the reality of the things I read and write about is very obvious to me--they don't seem like "remote things happening to people I can't really relate to" at all. The kids who were nearly burnt to death here on Friday seem real to me. One of the reasons I love the martial arts is that you cannot help but focus on what you're doing. If you don't, you'll get punched in the face, a prospect that concentrates the mind wonderfully--and makes thinking about burnt kids impossible. And of course, we all know about endorphins and exercise.
Dec '10
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
Your intensity and empathy are evident and part of your appeal. You seem to live in the middle of all this turmoil by some necessity.
I hope you find enough peace to stay sane and rested. Also please do not get punched in the face if you continue your martial arts quest.
Edited on May 29, 2011 at 12:58amRe: I Have a Stupid Dream
I've been punched in the face quite a few times, it's kind of part of the learning curve, but never hard enough to do any lasting damage. That's why people wear gloves. (And why we're always reminded, "In a real fight, people don't wear gloves.") I actually worry more about your basic athletic injuries--shin splints, ACL tears, the sort of thing that happens in any sport that involves repetitive stress or a lot of lateral motion. The worst injury I ever got doing this was a quadricep contusion from a totally routine drill--I have no idea how he managed to do that through a protective sandbag, but it was quite ... instructive.
Apr '11
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
First: If you were to ditch it all to pursue some out-of-reach passion, what would it be? What stops you from doing it?
Second: If you were giving advice to a young person who was thinking, "I really want to be a great martial artist, but my parents think I should do something sensible like get an engineering degree," what would you say? ·
The first question I'll answer retrospectively. From the time I was five dreamed of being a pilot, but I didn't get the chance until I was in my mid-thirties. What stops most people is they get discouraged by adversity and quit, Be true to "The Dream" and The Dream will be true to you.
To the second question: do both - you have time. A fluke injury could end your athletic career in a moment, but no one can ever take your degree away. And you can design bridges until the day you die.
Re: I Have a Stupid Dream
Herkybird
To the second question: do both - you have time. A fluke injury could end your athletic career in a moment, but no one can ever take your degree away. And you can design bridges until the day you die. · May 29 at 3:46am
Yes and no. A serious, professional-level commitment to a sport precludes academic success, from what I've seen--with very rare exceptions. (We're talking reality here, not what's theoretically possible.) You can sort of get by in school, but you're not going to be at the top of the class. Athletes who train the way you need to train to compete can barely keep their eyes open when they're done, and all they want to do in their spare time is eat or zone out in front of the television.
And this is the kind of sport where you'd be really unwise to compete if you haven't put everything you've got into training, you know? The penalty for losing isn't just that you don't go home with the trophy.