How To Raise a Gifted Child
Diane Ellis, Ed. ·
Oct 12, 2010 at 10:56am
Rule #1: Know what your child is capable of, supply what the child needs, and don't have unrealistic expectations.
Here's a fascinating interview with Joan Freeman, a psychologist who studies child prodigies.
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Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
Great piece.
Many schools don't realize that gifted students are also "special needs" students. Special attention needs to be paid to them, just as with the student who natrually struggles.
Oct '10
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
Cool interview. I think everyone who has completed their K-12 in the last 20 years could provide anecdotal evidence of the pitfalls of labeling children "gifted." I can't say I've known any prodigies who have become ladies of the night, though!
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
Wow, would that article make me anxious if I were a parent. So many ways to damage your gifted kids, apparently! They're fragile as hothouse roses! I'm sure she's right that there are a lot of lousy, neurotic parents out there, but I note that she didn't mention a single example of a good-enough, reasonably healthy parent. I'm sure there are lots of those, too.
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
Claire Berlinski, Ed.: Wow, would that article make me anxious if I were a parent. So many ways to damage your gifted kids, apparently! They're fragile as hothouse roses! I'm sure she's right that there are a lot of lousy, neurotic parents out there, but I note that she didn't mention a single example of a good-enough, reasonably healthy parent. I'm sure there are lots of those, too. · Oct 12 at 11:40am
You were a gifted child, Claire. What book was it that you read when you were 4? War and Peace? Did your parents constantly remind you that you were gifted or did they let you believe you were a normal child?
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
Diane Ellis, Ed.
You were a gifted child, Claire. What book was it that you read when you were 4? War and Peace? Did your parents constantly remind you that you were gifted or did they let you believe you were a normal child? · Oct 12 at 11:43am
Hey, what about me, Diane? I was sort of gifted, too. Okay, maybe not as gifted as Claire. When it came to reading, I compromised with my parents; I would only read War or Peace. (We now resume our regularly scheduled adult discussion.)
May '10
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
Intellectual and artistic gifts are overrated. In my experience the happiest, most successful adults are the ones with social gifts. I didn't see any mention of that in the interview.
May '10
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
Intellect and aptitudes are tools. They can be put to both good and bad uses. The folks I've known with gifted children realized pretty early that they were in for all kinds of mischief.
Months ago, I think we had a similar discussion on Ricochet about a study suggesting that parents should generally praise kids more for good work and results than for intellect and ability. Kids who were always praised for being smart were less likely to try again when they failed. They often assumed they weren't smart enough or skilled enough to succeed at the task, and gave up.
I certainly agree to the extent that any degree of intellect or skill is generally useless if not accompanied by determination to excel and an appreciation of work.
There are full-fledged geniuses who die without having contributed much of anything simply because their labors did not match their potentials. Will doesn't entirely define a person, but it's ultimately the measure of a person's life. It's a choice to use or not use one's gifts to the fullest possible extent. Parents help shape the wills of their children.
May '10
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
I have four gifted children. They get gifts all the time and they are God's greatest gift to me.
Whatever the talents of your children the worst thing a parent can do is steal their childhood away from them. Just because they might have the mathematical ability of a 20-something doesn't mean they should live like one.
May '10
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
Another thing that helps gifted children is siblings. If anything can keep a person humble, it's siblings.
Also, siblings are a lesson in social interaction with no breaks. You learn that being social is not something you do only when you feel like it.
Edited on Oct 12, 2010 at 2:05pmJul '10
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
That article appeared to be an article about obsessive parents who are eager to label their children gifted, just as some are eager to label them with ADD, ADHD, autistic, dyslexic or whatever faddish notion is out there.
The problem with gifted children (We had him tested because at our school, he was becoming 'a problem') is they get bored because the work is not challenging. What's worse, is they don't fit in with their peers because they view those activities that their peers take part in as gormless.
To further Trace's point, I think many truly intellectual students fail to become 'successful' because they lack the social graces that are of overrated importance in today's society. People prefer collegiality to forthrightness, especially if the facts are unpleasant. And I would say the former wins out over ability.
Perhaps that this is only in academia, but I doubt it.
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
Aaron Miller: Another thing that helps gifted children is siblings. If anything can keep a person humble, it's siblings.
Also, siblings are a lesson in social interaction with no breaks. You learn that being social is not something you do only when you feel like it. · Oct 12 at 1:05pm
Edited on Oct 12 at 02:05 pm
Wow, this is totally spot on, Aaron. Great point. And totally true.
Jul '10
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
There is no such thing as a gifted child, except insofar as all children are a gift. And perhaps Mozart.
To label a child as "gifted" is to project our expectations on to the child, and to define that child as one to whom we must bend our efforts to fulfill. That is exactly backwards. All children - without exception - need to learn first and foremost that they are not the center of the universe. Indeed, the enotre process of "maturing" is beating (metaphorically) into the child the understanding that they are not all that damned special.
This somehow ties into that discussion above about educational elitism. The problem with Ivy League superstars is that many of them have been told from the time they were three that they are special, gifted. Any wonder that they feel entitled to rule the world?
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
I think you're referring to the post in which I mentioned reading Animal Farm when I was about five, but my point there was that the book is so deceptively simple that even a five-year-old can appreciate it, not that I was an astute literary critic at the age of five. A point you might not appreciate is that I come from a family of extremely gifted musicians, and that from the earliest age I showed no aptitude whatsoever for any of the many instruments with which I was eagerly presented. It was my lack of giftedness that was something of a surprise to them, I suspect. I assume they resolved that I would know I was loved and cherished just as I was, but I have to imagine they went through period of private adjustment as they came to terms with the idea that I definitely wasn't going to Carnegie Hall.
Aug '10
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
Michael Tee:
The problem with gifted children (We had him tested because at our school, he was becoming 'a problem') is they get bored because the work is not challenging.
You're right that one problem with gifted children is that they act up when they're not challenged early enough. That lack of challenge breeds another, bigger problem, too: many gifted kids don't learn early enough the habits of the persistent, tedious work that so often leads to success, simply because they're not challenged enough to have to work until it's too late.
And, as Aaron says,
My children will not get the praise I got from my parents -- praise for being smart. Their high likelihood of being born brainy is no accomplishment of theirs.
The work they do, on the other hand, whatever it is -- and however stupid they may be -- is an accomplishment, a choice, and so far more worthy of praise than raw intelligence.
May '10
Re: How To Raise a Gifted Child
Michael Tee: That article appeared to be an article about obsessive parents who are eager to label their children gifted, just as some are eager to label them with ADD, ADHD, autistic, dyslexic or whatever faddish notion is out there.
The problem with gifted children (We had him tested because at our school, he was becoming 'a problem') is they get bored because the work is not challenging. What's worse, is they don't fit in with their peers because they view those activities that their peers take part in as gormless.
To further Trace's point, I think many truly intellectual students fail to become 'successful' because they lack the social graces that are of overrated importance in today's society. People prefer collegiality to forthrightness, especially if the facts are unpleasant. And I would say the former wins out over ability.
Perhaps that this is only in academia, but I doubt it. · Oct 12 at 3:14pm
Quite a good take, and frankly much better and more insightful than the linked article.