How Strange America Looks
I was with my family today in the office of the kind of American company that makes you say, "My God, even if we're going broke--what an astonishing, disciplined, unparalleled society. Look what people are trying to do. Look how innovative they are. Look how committed they are to science, to technology, to finding solutions to incredibly complex problems, to achieving things no society has ever succeeded in doing before."
The receptionist's desk had a sign that faced out. The sign explained the company's customer service policy--one in which every employee had been trained. Employees pledged to make eye contact with every customer, because "this says that you are important to me." (I am recreating this pledge from memory--I didn't take notes. I can't guarantee the phrasing, but it was to that effect.) Employees also pledged to smile at every customer, and the distance at which they were to begin smiling--15 feet--was precisely specified.
Maybe that doesn't seem strange to you yet, though to me that already seems plenty strange, in an only-in-America way.
But tell me if this part doesn't seem strange to you, when you think about it. The company was the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, and this was a cancer ward.
In other words, many of the people who walked up to that reception desk were waiting to hear if a judge they did not know had arbitrarily pronounced upon them a death sentence they could not understand for a crime they never committed. Very rarely do these circumstances make people feel--genuinely--like smiling.
Now, of course people smile, genuinely, in cancer wards--sometimes. But the only culture I've ever known in which a smile would be considered the most appropriate response to this situation, no less the obligatory one, is American culture.
In most other places I've lived, the culturally appropriate facial expression would be something Americans would understand as warm, concerned and caring--certainly. Eye contact--for sure, I think almost universally that means "I notice you." But you'd try to look serious, because this is serious--there could be nothing more serious--and it would be considered bizarre, completely divorced from reality, to fail to acknowledge that. You'd wait to smile until the customer, also known as the patient, took the lead. If the customer's expression suggested terror, grief, pain or fury, you would not smile: That would not be understood as an empathic response. In fact, it would be seen as a reaction somewhere between inappropriate and insane.
The photos I've posted are of our Secretary of State, who two days ago was in Turkey to discuss, among other things, strategic cooperation on terrorism. This was in the wake of a devastating attack that claimed the lives of 13 Turkish conscripts.
I'm looking at those photos and I know that what our highest public ambassador thinks she's conveying is, "friendship, unwavering solidarity, support, strength and optimism."
And I also know that many Turks, looking at this, will feel, even if they can't quite say why, "Americans are phony and they don't care about us. I don't trust them." They'll feel this no matter what she actually says, because the facial expression will look so odd to them.
I don't have a solution or even a recommendation. I'm just noticing.
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Nov '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
The American smile and friendliness -- our legacy of the basic friendliness of English culture (or at least of what it used to be).
Perhaps my favorite story about Leo Strauss: when he arrived in England from Nazi Germany, the English customs official had to blow his nose and said "excuse me." Strauss knew then and there he had come to remarkably different civilization (as no German official would ever do such a thing), one he soon fell in love with -- English breakfasts, Jane Austen, and Churchill, most prominently.
Seth Benardete relates the story in Encounters and Reflections, top of p. 35.
Edited on July 22, 2011 at 11:53amMay '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
This may be related to American dislike of ceremony, solemnity, and rituals. Americans take smiling and casualness as signals (in a high-trust society) that You and I are members of the same group and can be trusted.
People from low-trust societies rely on rituals and ceremonies to regulate human interactions and are not put at ease by casualness. Quite the contrary they are taken aback and may interpret it as a deliberate insult.
My advice to Hillary is the apocryphyl advice given to young teachers by old teachers: "Don't smile until December."
Jan '11
Re: How Strange America Looks
If only we'd stop smiling so damn much, then maybe the rest of the world would start to like us better.
Mar '11
Re: How Strange America Looks
Yeah, it's a cultural thing.
Robert's comment reminds me that whenever I enter the UK I am greeted with a smile by the immigration officer, as though I were a long-lost friend, whereas when I enter the US the immigration officer greets me with questions about how long I have been out - if I am lucky, they will say "welcome home".
It creates a terrible first impression of the US, in spite of the smiling face of Mr Obama on the wall (ugh).
It's an example of that strange dichotomy in the US between private companies, where the friendliness is over the top, and government workers, where it is under the bottom.
One thing I noticed in the recent Murdoch kangaroo court in the UK was how polite were the members of parliament as they asked their questions - what a civilized country! Even the shouting at Mr Cameron in Parliament the day after has an underlying politeness...
Anyway, Mrs Clinton is probably just glad to be away from Bill and Barack for a while, so give her a break.
Edited on July 22, 2011 at 1:00pmOct '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
A camera, a politician, a smile and hand wave. This is the most absolutely normal scene anywhere. As for cancer wards, if there is a politician there, then the smile is naturally phoney.
Jun '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” --Mother Teresa, Missionaries of Charity.
I think the charm of many Americans is that they still take what they hear in Sunday (or Saturday) religious services to heart. In some cases it's only remembered from childhood, but it's still in the back of the mind.
Jul '11
Re: How Strange America Looks
Yeah, my first Estonian girlfriend told my parents that Americans come off as vapid and superficial, because they smile a lot, and ask "how are you," but don't really care.
But then again, public interaction is something that Europeans, especially Eastern ones, don't do very well, from my experience.
Just for the LULZ, I like to smile and ask "how are you?" to random people on the street. It scares the hell of out them.
Sep '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
My first reaction to the Cancer ward is that this is the only example I can think of where a health care organization of any sort makes any appearance, however akward, of caring about their "customers" and I wonder why since there is little or no competition in health care. Perhaps it is out of some feeling of guilt because the course of treatment that these people are about to enter upon is so difficult. A surgeon friend of mine once said, "oncologists get happy because they killed the cancer even though the patient is a little grease spot in the bed." That was over a decade ago and cancer is now being treated as more of a chronic condition where the psychological health of the patient is more involved in the healing process. There is a neighborliness in the smile but a phoniness as well. Whistle while you work to build that wall.
Jun '11
Re: How Strange America Looks
Turks should see that smile as phony. It is.
Nov '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
David Williamson: Yeah, it's a cultural thing.
Robert's comment reminds me that whenever I enter the UK I am greeted with a smile by the immigration officer, as though I were a long-lost friend, whereas when I enter the US the immigration officer greets me with questions about how long I have been out - if I am lucky, they will say "welcome home".
It creates a terrible first impression of the US, in spite of the smiling face of Mr Obama on the wall (ugh).
Anyway, Mrs Clinton is probably just glad to be away from Bill and Barack for a while, so give her a break. · Jul 22 at 3:53am
Edited on Jul 22 at 04:00 am
Agreed- I think U.S. customs and border officials are some of the worst in the developed world. And I spent two wonderful months in London last year -- I was pleased to see how much charm there still is in England -- at least more among the older generation.
Oct '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
The hospital smile is probably meant to put the potential cancer patient at ease, to avoid ratcheting up the apprehension. I know if I was going to get the cancer verdict, I would be nervous and frightened. Having to deal with a receptionist who acted like a clerk at the Department of Motor Vehicles would make things decidedly worse.
Personally, I prefer the forced smile and enthusiastic greeting to the dour, morose customer service I often get. At the latter, I often feel like an intruder, where the employee wished I hadn't shown up, and was happy that I finally left. At the former, a phenomenon occurs that I'm not sure has ever been confirmed by any study, but that I am convinced exists - forced friendliness usually leads to actual friendliness.
Feb '11
Re: How Strange America Looks
A while back, David Berlinski suggested that Goedel's Theorem may imply some severe limitations on the effectiveness of command economies. I think the same principle applies to the scripting and micromanagement of human interactions. It is useful to give employees some suggestions on how to act to put customers/patients at ease; I do not think it is useful to give them precise orders like "begin smiling at 15 feet." Indeed, a truly nasty DMV clerk would be able to project hostility to customers while following all regulations to the letter of the law.
See my post Mindless Verbal Taylorism for related thoughts.
Jun '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
Speak for yourself <he said smiling.>
May '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
There are different types of smiles. Clinton's smile in the pic isn't the appropriate one for the circumstance.
As in a cancer ward, a warm, I'm-your-friend smile is the way to go -- and also deeply American, I'd like to think -- but Clintin's smile there is the smiling equivalent to her cackle.
May '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
Yes. Feeling follows behavior in many cases, especially in marriage. Hug your wife even when you don't much feel like hugging your wife, and, almost without fail, the feeling soon enough catches up with the act.
Dec '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
jhimmi:
At the former, a phenomenon occurs that I'm not sure has ever been confirmed by any study, but that I am convinced exists - forced friendliness usually leads to actual friendliness. · Jul 22 at 5:19am
I'm with you here. Having worked since I was 16 in various customer focused roles--sales, waiting tables, in a kitchen, at a camp for kids--I've been in situations where although at first my kindness was forced, after a moment or two, my conduct became genuine.
This is especially true of sales. Few customers will buy anything from a jerk, so you have to be polite and kind at all times. Even if you're having a bad day.
At first, you may just be putting on a show, but eventually the forced politeness and sincerity becomes, well, sincere. I also noticed that just being nice to my customers made me feel better about my job and my self.
May '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
Claire, are you and your family all OK? I am just wondering what prompted the visit to the cancer ward...
I have been to many countries, and there are other countries that not only serve with a smile, they make it their pride (even/especially in government agencies!?!) to serve you with the utmost effort, promptness and helpfulness. It's usually at least partly cultural-- and these are the countries whose economies are industrious and prospering. But it's also due to rigorous training, just like that employee policy on the sign.
I wish our own government agencies would take that to heart. We have some of the surliest people in government "services." They make you feel like they're doing you a favor by even deigning to be there at the office that day. You must come and bow at their feet and humbly request they bestow their services upon you. (Hyperbole-- sorry.)
Part of it is the culture of entitlement that is encouraged by the fact that almost no one ever gets fired. Part of it is that we have lost some of our optimism, cheerfulness and character as a society-- and that is very hard to restore.
May '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
Michael Horn
I'm with you here. Having worked since I was 16 in various customer focused roles--sales, waiting tables, in a kitchen, at a camp for kids--I've been in situations where although at first my kindness was forced, after a moment or two, my conduct became genuine.
This principle is very true. Libertines say to "follow your feelings" and "express yourself" and "don't bottle it up." Yes, you need to have a healthy expression of many feelings, but sometimes you just need to "bottle it up" and simply pretend.
The interesting thing is that when you put a genuine effort into the pretense, it becomes real.
Some leadership training tells us to act as if you were a bold, confident leader even if you really feel scared inside. Guess what? You will grow into a bold, confident leader.
Christian marriage counseling often says that "love is a decision, not a feeling." Decide to act in love toward your spouse, even during the spells when the feeling is not there-- and eventually the feeling of being in love will return.
That advice alone-- to pretend, as phony as it sounds-- could save at least half of the marriages that end in divorce.
Edited on July 22, 2011 at 4:27pmJun '10
Re: How Strange America Looks
Russians are notoriously stolid, so smiling in public is strange to them. They frequently remark about American smiling, especially when they visit the U.S. They're shocked when people say hi to them in the street. They consider it a bit demented, frankly.
However, I like it. I've grown to appreciate it more since I returned home. It's a special American spirit that I love. No, maybe not everyone cares about the answer when they say, "How are you?", but the very idea of it being normal to us to say that tells me that we're pretty darn nice people in reality. I don't mind Hillary smiling, honestly, it's the American spirit, and I'm proud of it.
Re: How Strange America Looks
Dave Molinari:
I don't mind Hillary smiling, honestly, it's the American spirit, and I'm proud of it. · Jul 22 at 8:41am
I don't mind it at all--I agree with you--but in this context, it's confusing, at best, and won't convey what I reckon she thinks it does. Look at the faces of the people around her. What are they feeling? They're really feeling it, too: This attack absolutely devastated the country; the mood when I left was so tense and grim that no one was smiling. I am quite sure they were looking at her and thinking, "Don;t you realize what just happened here?"