How Not To Start The Day
Forget about dangling chads for a moment. It's never a good idea to start the day with a dangling tail light. It was fine when I left the truck stop parking lot,…but there must have been a crack that finally gave way in a shovel-ready pothole. The lesson here, incidentally, is that tail gating is a really bad idea. This tail light assembly must weigh between 5 and 10 pounds and is about the size of a dinner plate. Imagine that hitting the pavement at 60mph and being thrown upward just high enough to go through your windshield.
I'm on the roadside now waiting for a repair truck since, A) I don't want the thing falling off and hurting anyone, and B) I can't very well disconnect it and travel to a repair shop because the state police would write a huge ticket (it's an "out of service" violation). So while I'm waiting,….anybody hear any good jokes lately? Let's see,... four Republican presidential candidates walk into a bar...
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Aug '10
Re: How Not To Start The Day
... after the first one walked into it, you'd think the other three woulda ducked!
Nov '11
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Sadly all my best jokes aren't fit for polite society. Which says rather more about me than the jokes come to think of it.
Re: How Not To Start The Day
I wonder what kind of drinks these candidates would order? hmmmmm...
Nov '11
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Mitt would order an Iced Tea to show he was just a regular fella, Newt would order Sweet Tea in order to appeal to Southern voters, Rick would probably have a beer because he wanted one, and Ron Paul would pull out his own bottle of distilled water which he carries to prevent influence on his precious bodily fluids.
Dec '10
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Upon reading the title and seeing the picture my first thought was a dropped trailer. I suppose a dangling tail light is quite a step up from that.
May '10
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Using this list, this is what I came up with.
Newt - Whiskey
Romney - Martini
Paul - Screwdriver
Santorum - Gin & Tonic
Re: How Not To Start The Day
I like that, Austin! I dunno though,...I'm seeing Newt with a whiskey,...unapologetic and flammable. Ron Paul goes with a fine liqueur, not as rough as the really hard booze and it can be enjoyed in a quiet, isolated place. Santorum goes with beer because he's one of the folks. Romney? He doesn't drink,..but he orders extra rounds for everyone else in the hope that they all get smashed and he'll be the last one standing.
Jun '10
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Newt: A Suffering Bastard
Romney: Zombie Ice Tea
Santorum: A Schmidt's, it's a Pennsylvania thing.
Paul: Yeah, a screwdriver as per Ben above. Nice one, kid!
Nov '11
Re: How Not To Start The Day
I think your choice for Romney tops mine! But I thought of Romney ordering first, so Newt ordered something in response to Romney that's just a tad more specific to appeal to a subset of the voters. Cynical, I know.
Edited on February 8, 2012 at 5:42pmRe: How Not To Start The Day
Austin Murrey
I think you're choice for Romney tops mine! But I thought of Romney ordering first, so Newt ordered something in response to Romney that's just a tad more specific to appeal to a subset of the voters. Cynical, I know. · 0 minutes ago
Ah, the highly coveted Independent Drinker Vote. Sensitive bunch they are.
Oct '11
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Dave Carter
four Republican presidential candidates walk into a bar... · · 29 minutes ago
The first can't decide which drink to have, except that it should be moderate. The second can't find a drink that don't bring up 1990s memories. The third ask for glass of milk and the fourth ask for moonshine ...
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Samuel Amaral
Dave Carter
four Republican presidential candidates walk into a bar... · · 29 minutes ago
The first can't decide which drink to have, except that it should be moderate. The second can't find a drink that don't bring up 1990s memories. The third ask for glass of milk and the fourth ask for moonshine ... · 1 minute ago
So three walk out sober and frustrated, while the fourth goes to the hoosegow. Ever had moonshine, by the way? Can it fix a tail light??
Nov '11
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Dave Carter
Ah, the highly coveted Independent Drinker Vote. Sensitive bunch they are. · 6 minutes ago
In my experience there is no more passionate argument than an argument over the right kind of drink, whether alcoholic or not: my family has had long discussions over the merits of sweet vs unsweet tea, and the best place to get same.
Dave Carter
Samuel Amaral
Dave Carter
four Republican presidential candidates walk into a bar... · · 29 minutes ago
The first can't decide which drink to have, except that it should be moderate. The second can't find a drink that don't bring up 1990s memories. The third ask for glass of milk and the fourth ask for moonshine ... · 1 minute ago
So three walk out sober and frustrated, while the fourth goes to the hoosegow. Ever had moonshine, by the way? Can it fix a tail light?? · 1 minute ago
It probably can't fix the problem but it can stop you from caring about it.
Oct '11
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Dave Carter
Ever had moonshine, by the way?
Brazilian sugarcane distilled drink is the closest thing I had so far.
Dave Carter
Can it fix a tail light?? · 1 minute ago
I don't know, but I think a Volvo N12 tail light is more rugged ... so may I suggest a truck change ?
Dave Carter So three walk out sober and frustrated, while the fourth goes to the hoosegow.· 1 minute ago
But from that day on, a gentlemen from Texas has put upon himself to make moonshine legal.
May '10
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Three Irishman walk out of a bar....
..come on now, it could possibly happen..
Be well, and keep staying safe Dave, it's good for you and for us.
Jan '11
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Don't ya got any duct tape?
Re: How Not To Start The Day
F. L. Booth: Three Irishman walk out of a bar....
..come on now, it could possibly happen..
. · 3 minutes ago
Good one! I like that!
Re: How Not To Start The Day
Of course I do. But D.O.T. doesn't stand for "Dumb Ol' Trucker." It stands for the people who would fine me from here to next Christmas. There are two weigh stations between here and the nearest repair shop,...and they're both open for "bidness" right now.
Dec '10
Re: How Not To Start The Day
F. L. Booth: Three Irishman walk out of a bar....
..come on now, it could possibly happen..
Be well, and keep staying safe Dave, it's good for you and for us. · 8 minutes ago
It's three Irishmen walk by a bar. We Irish walk, well stagger, out of bars all the time.
Edited on February 8, 2012 at 6:59pmRe: How Not To Start The Day
On behalf of the good people of the State of Tennessee, let me help you out, Austin:
That is all.
Austin Murrey
In my experience there is no more passionate argument than an argument over the right kind of drink, whether alcoholic or not: my family has had long discussions over the merits of sweet vs unsweet tea, and the best place to get same.